fuck this fork in the road.
hi livejournal. this isn't the life i hoped for. my wife sabrina moved out 4 weeks ago. she wants a divorce. in late june, i confided in her and our therapist that i'd been having suicidal thoughts. i was frustrated by the inability to get a quick appointment with a psychiatrist. the next day sabrina insisted on taking me to the ER to start meds. i
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It's so tricky commenting on stuff because I know you still care very, very much about Sabrina and I don't want to do anything remotely resembling bad-mouthing her (or anything that could be taken in that way). But while I only know so much about what happened between you, I have been pretty disappointed in her choices when it comes to this stuff. Your prognosis seems really good to me. You are a resilient person with a lot of resources like friends, a good attitude toward things, etc. And it seems like your depression is tied to some of the incredibly hard stuff you have been through in the last year or so, and as rough as that is, it's actually a good sign when it comes to you being able to put this behind you, quite possibly for good.
But is that really the point? I know that sometimes folks legitimately feel like they need to end a relationship when their partner is depressed, but there are also those who just aren't prepared to really stay with someone through thick and thin even if they promised to do so in front of all their family and friends. And I think different people have different ideas of where to draw the line between the two, and maybe there's a gray area in their somewhere. But I can't help thinking about the difficult times she went through during your relationship, when you stuck around and provided support for her, and wish she could stay and do the same thing whether your prognosis was good or not.
Anyway, I hope it's ok that I am venting my personal feelings about the situation a bit here. My thoughts are, of course, based on very limited information and a massive bias in favor of you being happy and supported and stuff, so feel free to disregard any or all of this if it doesn't resonate with your experience. Mostly I just wish you weren't having to deal with so much adversity right now because you are an awesome person and a force for good in the universe (sorry if I sound like a broken record but it's true) and I hate to see you hurting. I have a lot of faith that you are going to keep moving onward and upward, though. And I'm so, so glad to hear about all the steps you're taking toward healing. I'm also impressed, particularly so because I know how hard it can be to take those steps when you are depressed.
I hope you'll keep posting here sometimes. I haven't done so myself in way too long, but I really need to. I check this thing often, though, so if you post I'll be reading.
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Not to be glib, but things always change so that means the bad times will change, too.
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