(no subject)
Keeping in mind, I definitely have a very important Econ midterm in 5 hours, I am having problems brushing away sitting in an institution that apparently brings forth a hell of a lot more conflict than unity. I'll put myself out there and acknowledge my doubt and a lot more weakness that I would like to have anyone know about. But truly, I don't believe you when you realized that your respective college was prefect for you from the minute you stepped on campus. College is trying and an experience that asks for a lot. It seems like there are too many losers who are focused too keenly on rankings. Students are complaining that we are falling from USNews rankings. Fuck that. Truly, if you are a potential HS student that cannot let something besides other people sway you, I do not want you at my college either. I don't want you to bust out with your stupid prestiges and name-dropping. This is all terribly frustrating.
UCSD is a peculiar school. We, for one, possess no DI football team, automatically dropping us as a traditional favorite. Really, only Triton athletes carry any school pride, and it's probably because the other 3/4 of this school are too damn self-absorbed. Kids are clawing their way into med school, and they could care less who gets hurt in the way. I am so not a part of this game. But I returned this year again. Not really with any doubt at all. Maybe because I have a certain form of pride, but maybe because I am not a Californian.
I very much used to think, as long as I get into a fancy college, I don't even care if I have a good time. Fuck all of that. It infuriates me when people use college to determine any sort of worth. Maybe negativities hurt a little extra more because you being are ignorant and insensitive--it's been a lot of sacrifices. I am oddly addicted to cracking this weirdness. Californians have a certain sense of underlying self-absorbedness and selfishness. They have a bit too much pride, and little too much impatience. I have always been a pretty big fan of painful things. Not sleeping, being hurt by people, failures, disappointments. Not in a sadistic way, but I think in an appreciative manner. I find my roomates intolerable sometimes. The utter and sheer ignorance of everything that is done for them. The inability to be flexible, or to stray from the plan. The constant competition. But then again, I live with the toughest girls in the world. The kind that have gotten up at 4 AM every morning for an entire year, without the promise of a scholarship or even school recognition. The kind of athletes that end up with degrees in engineering and human biology, as well as national placement. To say that these girls are my heroes isquite the understatement. Hell, you don't understand. Training is insanity. To the point where you can't recognize where the water ends and reality starts. Can you imagine? To live in a world where everything has to be better, stronger, faster, every day. Where I weigh too much, don't know enough, don't pull my weight. Am I proud to be ruthless when I comes to winning?
It would be pretty convenient to surround yourself with intelligent individuals who are super interesting and have fascinating backgrounds. I was sort of hoping for that kind of college, actually. Where I loved being on campus because the people are just so goshdarn cool. I am really, really saying this. I am not too big to admit this. I struggle here. But instead I end up in a completely different world where students are too serious about their grades, where I go on extreme diets to prove that I am serious about my team, and where I cry a hell of a lot more than I used to. And then I think about how my dad dropped out of college to join the army. I am so fucking proud of what he has become. And I know he is a hell of a lot more appreciative because it was a fight to get here. I doubt myself and I pity myself and I build up emotions about being in SD. But when things come easy, the rankings are high, and life is happy, I just don't think that is my scene.
Spare me the emo accusations. It's about being able to handle reality, and not to have "being happy" as your life goal. Reality isn't a shit hole. I'm not very good at accepting it, either. But I think it's pretty damn important to recognize that rankings, GPAs, awards, degrees aside, you are either very pleased with yourself, or you're not satisfied (okay, so duh). These are all very important to me, still, but isn't it supposed to be about sometimes sitting around with absolutely nothing in life, and therefore being forced to dig out the tiny little things that are good? Sounds terrible, because life definitely does not suck. I know the rest of the world is experience tragedy not even close to imaginable, living in my cushined American lifestyle. But I'm just saying. Take it a little less macro for now.
And that's my spiel on nationally ranked colleges. Congratulations on getting into a fantastically prestiged school--that was no accident. But never regret realizing that college is, and always will be, what you make out of it. The world doesn't need any more whining pansies. I never would have walked onto a rowing team at a DI school. I do not have the balls or confidence. But funny how by chance, I end up here. And by chance I see the flyer. And by chance I get to experience a world I had not imagined possible. Because really, who likes to admit Ames was a tad sheltered?
Inspiration? The new freshmen. I am not going to pretend like I know you guys at all. But don't let any more people tell you what makes your time worthwhile. Stupid fucks--you sound like you've been talking to my mom.
UCSD is a peculiar school. We, for one, possess no DI football team, automatically dropping us as a traditional favorite. Really, only Triton athletes carry any school pride, and it's probably because the other 3/4 of this school are too damn self-absorbed. Kids are clawing their way into med school, and they could care less who gets hurt in the way. I am so not a part of this game. But I returned this year again. Not really with any doubt at all. Maybe because I have a certain form of pride, but maybe because I am not a Californian.
I very much used to think, as long as I get into a fancy college, I don't even care if I have a good time. Fuck all of that. It infuriates me when people use college to determine any sort of worth. Maybe negativities hurt a little extra more because you being are ignorant and insensitive--it's been a lot of sacrifices. I am oddly addicted to cracking this weirdness. Californians have a certain sense of underlying self-absorbedness and selfishness. They have a bit too much pride, and little too much impatience. I have always been a pretty big fan of painful things. Not sleeping, being hurt by people, failures, disappointments. Not in a sadistic way, but I think in an appreciative manner. I find my roomates intolerable sometimes. The utter and sheer ignorance of everything that is done for them. The inability to be flexible, or to stray from the plan. The constant competition. But then again, I live with the toughest girls in the world. The kind that have gotten up at 4 AM every morning for an entire year, without the promise of a scholarship or even school recognition. The kind of athletes that end up with degrees in engineering and human biology, as well as national placement. To say that these girls are my heroes isquite the understatement. Hell, you don't understand. Training is insanity. To the point where you can't recognize where the water ends and reality starts. Can you imagine? To live in a world where everything has to be better, stronger, faster, every day. Where I weigh too much, don't know enough, don't pull my weight. Am I proud to be ruthless when I comes to winning?
It would be pretty convenient to surround yourself with intelligent individuals who are super interesting and have fascinating backgrounds. I was sort of hoping for that kind of college, actually. Where I loved being on campus because the people are just so goshdarn cool. I am really, really saying this. I am not too big to admit this. I struggle here. But instead I end up in a completely different world where students are too serious about their grades, where I go on extreme diets to prove that I am serious about my team, and where I cry a hell of a lot more than I used to. And then I think about how my dad dropped out of college to join the army. I am so fucking proud of what he has become. And I know he is a hell of a lot more appreciative because it was a fight to get here. I doubt myself and I pity myself and I build up emotions about being in SD. But when things come easy, the rankings are high, and life is happy, I just don't think that is my scene.
Spare me the emo accusations. It's about being able to handle reality, and not to have "being happy" as your life goal. Reality isn't a shit hole. I'm not very good at accepting it, either. But I think it's pretty damn important to recognize that rankings, GPAs, awards, degrees aside, you are either very pleased with yourself, or you're not satisfied (okay, so duh). These are all very important to me, still, but isn't it supposed to be about sometimes sitting around with absolutely nothing in life, and therefore being forced to dig out the tiny little things that are good? Sounds terrible, because life definitely does not suck. I know the rest of the world is experience tragedy not even close to imaginable, living in my cushined American lifestyle. But I'm just saying. Take it a little less macro for now.
And that's my spiel on nationally ranked colleges. Congratulations on getting into a fantastically prestiged school--that was no accident. But never regret realizing that college is, and always will be, what you make out of it. The world doesn't need any more whining pansies. I never would have walked onto a rowing team at a DI school. I do not have the balls or confidence. But funny how by chance, I end up here. And by chance I see the flyer. And by chance I get to experience a world I had not imagined possible. Because really, who likes to admit Ames was a tad sheltered?
Inspiration? The new freshmen. I am not going to pretend like I know you guys at all. But don't let any more people tell you what makes your time worthwhile. Stupid fucks--you sound like you've been talking to my mom.