*sigh* I'm just...waiting for the bright side.
Does anyone believe in mind-body stuff? I've been so stressed out, and I hate where I'm at right now. My knee is now acting up to the point where I can't stand on it without shooting pain. It sucks so bad. I have class tomorrow and I don't know if I'll be able to stand long enough to paint the picture.
OH and I'm worried about class as is...the professor wants us to call him Sensei...and he's not Japanese. He's that artist that is very full of himself and asks you to help each other and then yells at you when you do. He's the one who says he's grading not on your personal style of painting but on the composition of the work. I think it's a load of shit. I'm so scared that he's not going to like me or my style. He wants us to get two paintings completed a week, and to finish the stuff at home...one problem...I don't have the space to do it...and I wish I were making it up. He wants no excuses. If all the work is not shown at the end of the course, we fail, no questions asked. He wanted to know nothing about us except if we were taking the class for credit or not. He wants us to just block out our paintings in the field and finish at home...but that's not my style...never really has been...I'm so scared...so scared.
Home isn't getting any better. I'm still not being taken into consideration unless it's to help remedy a tight situation. My birthday is next week, and usually by now Mom or Dad ask what kind of cake I want or what I want for dinner or something...but not yet. I've gotten "We have to work." or "You're what? Fricken 22 now? You can go out and do what you want" I wanted to throttle mom for that one....I wanted to scream "I can't do shit because I can't leave!" but then I'd get a "why not?" and it would be a "I don't have a car or license or friends to do stuff with and I can't leave or you'll be pissed because it'll be inconvenient to you" it would just escalate out of control. I should have said yes when I jokingly said I knew what I wanted for my birthday when I saw an add for a Scottish Festival, and the immediate response was "A Driving Test?" Though I still don't think I'm confident enough to take my driver's test...I should have said yes.
I stayed home this weekend and am just feeling more and more depressed. I didn't get to see my bf because of money stuff, my parents, though being nice enough to allow me to rest because of my knee, still aren't looking to much else as far as my needs are concerned. I want to go do something tomorrow after my class but I don't know if they'll let me because they have to work and we don't have staff until Tuesday.
I'm...so stuck. I'm so sick of this.
OH and I'm worried about class as is...the professor wants us to call him Sensei...and he's not Japanese. He's that artist that is very full of himself and asks you to help each other and then yells at you when you do. He's the one who says he's grading not on your personal style of painting but on the composition of the work. I think it's a load of shit. I'm so scared that he's not going to like me or my style. He wants us to get two paintings completed a week, and to finish the stuff at home...one problem...I don't have the space to do it...and I wish I were making it up. He wants no excuses. If all the work is not shown at the end of the course, we fail, no questions asked. He wanted to know nothing about us except if we were taking the class for credit or not. He wants us to just block out our paintings in the field and finish at home...but that's not my style...never really has been...I'm so scared...so scared.
Home isn't getting any better. I'm still not being taken into consideration unless it's to help remedy a tight situation. My birthday is next week, and usually by now Mom or Dad ask what kind of cake I want or what I want for dinner or something...but not yet. I've gotten "We have to work." or "You're what? Fricken 22 now? You can go out and do what you want" I wanted to throttle mom for that one....I wanted to scream "I can't do shit because I can't leave!" but then I'd get a "why not?" and it would be a "I don't have a car or license or friends to do stuff with and I can't leave or you'll be pissed because it'll be inconvenient to you" it would just escalate out of control. I should have said yes when I jokingly said I knew what I wanted for my birthday when I saw an add for a Scottish Festival, and the immediate response was "A Driving Test?" Though I still don't think I'm confident enough to take my driver's test...I should have said yes.
I stayed home this weekend and am just feeling more and more depressed. I didn't get to see my bf because of money stuff, my parents, though being nice enough to allow me to rest because of my knee, still aren't looking to much else as far as my needs are concerned. I want to go do something tomorrow after my class but I don't know if they'll let me because they have to work and we don't have staff until Tuesday.
I'm...so stuck. I'm so sick of this.