Let me eat cake
I made a cake today. In modern parlance it was The Cake Of Death, or it would have been if I'd added peanuts at some stage.
This was the most basic of basic cakes, and it came, reluctantly (because it's so obvious to everyone how to make a basic cake mix) from one of my beige cookbooks. It contained gluten (as in wheat flour), butter (from a cow!), milk (from a cow!), eggs (probably not from a cow), sugar (castor because I vaguely thought that might help), and OMG a pinch of salt! That's about it. Note the absence of additives, colours, flavours, preservatives, chocolate or special mystery ingredients that only Shop Bought Cakes contain.
And here it is:
Thank you rabbit1080 for the tip about using the gas stove as a cooling rack. Nothing exploded or caught fire, so I'll call it a win. Pity about the crack across the side, but most of it came up surprisingly even. I blame the fracture points on my less-than-perfect efforts to line a round cake tin with a square piece of frustratingly springy baking paper. Plus I probably should have rotated the whole thing about 5 minutes earlier, but on the whole I'm frankly astonished by its cake-like features.
Back when the beige thing started I acquired some cooking utensils because it seemed likely that I'd be doing more cooking from basic ingredients. Some of them have been languishing, shall we say, in the cupboard. Poor little cake tin; my urges to make eat cakes have not been that strong. Not having a functioning oven for a while helped, and sometimes I ate plainish supermarket cake if it was at least free of (added) preservatives. So it's been years between bake-offs. Possibly decades.
Here's what it looked like on the inside:
Don't be too concerned about the colour; I had to compensate for light bouncing off the plate. The thing is, it was cooked absolutely evenly right through. Slightly crusty on top, and moist yet crumbly in the middle. No black bits were scraped off in the production of this item. I <3 my oven. I'm pretty sure this is the best texture I will ever achieve; it's all downhill, sinking, burning and sogging from now on.
The flavour was not spectacular, as you'd expect from such a basic recipe, but it did improve once the whole thing had cooled down and finished cooking. Cold cake was actually nicer than warm cake, go figure. It also took a couple of hours after the baking to regain my appetite. I'd forgotten what an effective appetite-suppressant cooking can be, although in hindsight I wish I'd left a bit more mix in the bowl and spoon to lick off afterwards. Raw cake mix FTW. Is there a practical limit on how much raw mix one can consume in a sitting? Or is it a social convention kind of thing? *tries not to think too hard about sugar and fat content*
Speaking of spoons, it cost me a few it's true, but I consider them well spent. I'm a little concerned I may feel the effects of a lot of small concentrated fast muscle movements in the next day or two, but them's the multitude of tiny muscle tears. If I do this again I may apply electricity, but I'm pretty sure the only way to cream butter and sugar is by hand. Maybe I'll let the microwave help me out a little, but not too much. And next time I'll try some radical (yet beige-friendly) experiment and add some vanilla, or maybe coffee. The same mix does for cupcakes, which might help with future distribution. The recipe had two eggs so I assume it would halve effectively, but I plan to consult before I try anything so radical.
I don't think the CWA has much to be concerned about. Nor Masterchef for that matter; I completely failed to sweat, sneeze, shed, cry, or otherwise moult into the mix. The cats slept through the whole thing.
This was the most basic of basic cakes, and it came, reluctantly (because it's so obvious to everyone how to make a basic cake mix) from one of my beige cookbooks. It contained gluten (as in wheat flour), butter (from a cow!), milk (from a cow!), eggs (probably not from a cow), sugar (castor because I vaguely thought that might help), and OMG a pinch of salt! That's about it. Note the absence of additives, colours, flavours, preservatives, chocolate or special mystery ingredients that only Shop Bought Cakes contain.
And here it is:
Thank you rabbit1080 for the tip about using the gas stove as a cooling rack. Nothing exploded or caught fire, so I'll call it a win. Pity about the crack across the side, but most of it came up surprisingly even. I blame the fracture points on my less-than-perfect efforts to line a round cake tin with a square piece of frustratingly springy baking paper. Plus I probably should have rotated the whole thing about 5 minutes earlier, but on the whole I'm frankly astonished by its cake-like features.
Back when the beige thing started I acquired some cooking utensils because it seemed likely that I'd be doing more cooking from basic ingredients. Some of them have been languishing, shall we say, in the cupboard. Poor little cake tin; my urges to make eat cakes have not been that strong. Not having a functioning oven for a while helped, and sometimes I ate plainish supermarket cake if it was at least free of (added) preservatives. So it's been years between bake-offs. Possibly decades.
Here's what it looked like on the inside:
Don't be too concerned about the colour; I had to compensate for light bouncing off the plate. The thing is, it was cooked absolutely evenly right through. Slightly crusty on top, and moist yet crumbly in the middle. No black bits were scraped off in the production of this item. I <3 my oven. I'm pretty sure this is the best texture I will ever achieve; it's all downhill, sinking, burning and sogging from now on.
The flavour was not spectacular, as you'd expect from such a basic recipe, but it did improve once the whole thing had cooled down and finished cooking. Cold cake was actually nicer than warm cake, go figure. It also took a couple of hours after the baking to regain my appetite. I'd forgotten what an effective appetite-suppressant cooking can be, although in hindsight I wish I'd left a bit more mix in the bowl and spoon to lick off afterwards. Raw cake mix FTW. Is there a practical limit on how much raw mix one can consume in a sitting? Or is it a social convention kind of thing? *tries not to think too hard about sugar and fat content*
Speaking of spoons, it cost me a few it's true, but I consider them well spent. I'm a little concerned I may feel the effects of a lot of small concentrated fast muscle movements in the next day or two, but them's the multitude of tiny muscle tears. If I do this again I may apply electricity, but I'm pretty sure the only way to cream butter and sugar is by hand. Maybe I'll let the microwave help me out a little, but not too much. And next time I'll try some radical (yet beige-friendly) experiment and add some vanilla, or maybe coffee. The same mix does for cupcakes, which might help with future distribution. The recipe had two eggs so I assume it would halve effectively, but I plan to consult before I try anything so radical.
I don't think the CWA has much to be concerned about. Nor Masterchef for that matter; I completely failed to sweat, sneeze, shed, cry, or otherwise moult into the mix. The cats slept through the whole thing.