Dialectical Model of Relationship Maintenance.
"Dialectical perspective or theory (see Baxter & Montgomery, 1996, 1998) developed
as an alternative view of relationship maintenance. Instead of seeing relationship
maintenance as problem solving (e.g., we have grown apart), or dualistic choices
between opposites (e.g., is our relationship dependent or independent?), dialectical
theory views relationship maintenance as the normal, ongoing struggle of continu-
ally coping with dialectical tensions (Baxter & Simon, 1993). These tensions result
from tbe constant presence of opposing forces or contradictions in relationships
(Montgomery, 1993) and include contextual dialectics, related to the location of the
relationship in the larger social system, and interactional dialectics, related to the
interpretation and behavioral practices that maintain relationships (Rawlins, 1992)."
This is from one of the things that I read for class a while ago, and I just wanted to post it, because, I mean, yeah, this IS how it is. Those researchers have something right. My professor described the dialectical view of relationships as one of those toys that you play with that you pull on either side of to make the spinny thing in the middle keep spinning. And, it is that tension between opposite thoughts (each that have value) about what you want from the relationship (openness vs. privacy, for instance) that make the relationship. Without the tension, there isn't a relationship. That's a pretty nice concept, for me. I mean, I like to think of relationships-- especially my romantic relationship-- as having potential for perfection. But, that necessitates thinking about what perfection would be. And while I like to think it means complete and perfect communication, and total happiness ALL THE TIME, that's actually a very naive view of what happens in relationships. Perfection is dealing with the dialectical tensions in a way that allows both people the freedom to be squirmy on all those dialectics. Relationships are one big squirmy organism that you have to be really adaptable to. To yourself and to your partner. Anyway, I found that valuable. You don't have to, but I did.
as an alternative view of relationship maintenance. Instead of seeing relationship
maintenance as problem solving (e.g., we have grown apart), or dualistic choices
between opposites (e.g., is our relationship dependent or independent?), dialectical
theory views relationship maintenance as the normal, ongoing struggle of continu-
ally coping with dialectical tensions (Baxter & Simon, 1993). These tensions result
from tbe constant presence of opposing forces or contradictions in relationships
(Montgomery, 1993) and include contextual dialectics, related to the location of the
relationship in the larger social system, and interactional dialectics, related to the
interpretation and behavioral practices that maintain relationships (Rawlins, 1992)."
This is from one of the things that I read for class a while ago, and I just wanted to post it, because, I mean, yeah, this IS how it is. Those researchers have something right. My professor described the dialectical view of relationships as one of those toys that you play with that you pull on either side of to make the spinny thing in the middle keep spinning. And, it is that tension between opposite thoughts (each that have value) about what you want from the relationship (openness vs. privacy, for instance) that make the relationship. Without the tension, there isn't a relationship. That's a pretty nice concept, for me. I mean, I like to think of relationships-- especially my romantic relationship-- as having potential for perfection. But, that necessitates thinking about what perfection would be. And while I like to think it means complete and perfect communication, and total happiness ALL THE TIME, that's actually a very naive view of what happens in relationships. Perfection is dealing with the dialectical tensions in a way that allows both people the freedom to be squirmy on all those dialectics. Relationships are one big squirmy organism that you have to be really adaptable to. To yourself and to your partner. Anyway, I found that valuable. You don't have to, but I did.