Hide! It's One Piece crack again!

Jun 13, 2007 12:17

Title: Regression
Rating: PG - it’s crack…and I can’t write smut
Pairing: None, just plain Mugiwara insanity. Oh, Zoro/Sanji if you cross your eyes and hop on one leg.
Warnings: Nada for spoilers. But it’s definitely pre-Water 7.
Summary: Zoro’s going through some physical changes thanks to Chopper’s Rumble Ball
Disclaimer: My mind isn’t twisted enough to create the One Piece universe
Author’s note: This is for luco_millian, I hope this brightened you day, dear!



*********************************************************

“Sa~~nji~~, when’s lunch?” Luffy wailed from Merry’s head.
“You just ate it 3 minutes ago!!” Sanji’s accusation was followed up with a kick to his captain’s head.
Nami just sighed from her deckchair and buried her nose into her navigational charts.
“Doctor-san, what are you making?”
Chopper didn’t reply, concentrating hard on grinding his herbs and medicines.

“Nami-swan! Robin-chwan! I made you a cooling watermelon dessert! Aah!! GIVE IT BACK, YOU RUBBER FREAK!!”
A well-placed kick to Luffy’s wrist sent him flying face-first into the mast.
“Oi! Stop trying to break Merry apart, you idiots! Uh…I mean…uh…sorry, Sanji. Please don’t glower at me like that…” Ussopp whimpered and hid behind Nami’s fists of sense.

“Oi Sanji! I want some too!” Lufy extended his arm to the direction of the desserts. Sanji lifted his leg up in anticipation of another kick to his captain. Unfortunately, Chopper decided then and there to stand up right in between the both of them.
Luffy’s hand grazed Chopper’s antler and sent the little reindeer sprawling across the deck.

Everything went into slow-motion as 6 horrified expressions followed the Rumble Balls bouncing across the deck and into the open mouth of a snoring swordsman.

*pop* *pop* *pop* *swallow*
Zoro snapped awake hacking and coughing as the Rumble Balls dropped not-so-silently into his stomach.

“Gyaaaahhh!!! Throw it up! Throw it up!!” Chopper turned into his man-form and grabbed Zoro’s throat to forcefully shake the Rumble Balls out of him. Which only served to knock the swordsman unconscious due to lack of oxygen.

“Chopper, what’s going to happen to Zoro? He swallowed 3 of your Rumble Balls….” Nami was afraid of the answer she was going to get.

***********************************************************

Several days later

Sanji was getting impatient at the mewling at his foot. It was distracting him from the lovely view of Nami’s beautiful bikini-clad body through the porthole. “Alright, alright! Alright already, you shitty swords--- cub!” Sanji deliberately showed his displeasure by banging the saucer onto the floor while pouring the milk into it. A green, furry tiger cub mewled happily and licked Sanji’s hand.

Sanji watched the cub lap happily at the milk. He would never admit it or say it out loud or even acknowledge the thought, but the cub was actually very cute. “Cheh, shitty swordsman. Chopper gets stronger with the Rumble Balls. We thought you were going to turn into a living demon. But what did you do? I mean, who the hell turns into a tiger and gradually de-volve into an infant when they take Rumble Balls? You, that’s who!” Cub-Zoro only stared wide-eyed curiously at Sanji’s ranting. Sanji sighed, “Well, at least it’s better now compared to when you first became a tiger.” A hand reached out and scratched Zoro behind the ears as Sanji shuddered at the memory of the Mugiwara pirates taking shifts, not to watch the ship, but to fight with a full-grown tiger with the ability to fight with Wadou Ichimonji in its mouth. That was an experience nobody wanted to repeat. Not to mention the green fur which made Zoro look like a possessed God of War.

Zoro purred and leaned into Sanji’s fingers. Satisfied that the cook wouldn’t yell again, he padded over and climbed up onto Sanji’s head. There, he made himself comfortable and immediately fell into a fitful sleep.

“I’m going to make you pay when you turn back into a human,” Sanji continued ranting but made sure he kept his balance so the cub wouldn’t fall off.

“San~ji~! I’m hungry! Can we try tiger meat?” Luffy bounded into the galley only to be sent flying back out again.

**********************************************************

Zoro was slowly becoming aware of his surroundings as he slowly came out of slumber. The first thing he heard was the creaking of the ship. Next, he heard the symphony of snores of the men’s quarters. An unexpected breath tickled his nose. Zoro slowly opened his eyes and found himself staring straight into Sanji’s face.

“WHAT THE---“ Zoro yelled before grabbing his swords. Sanji woke up with a start only to instinctively block a swipe of Zoro’s swords. A devious smirk slowly crept onto Sanji’s face as he stared at the fully-human swordsman in front of him. “Oh…It’s time for you to pay back your dues, bastard”

Owari

With that, I thank everyone and I shall now go and hide away in Cambodia for a week.
I’m going on holiday!! WHEE!!!

fanfic, crack, to make luco happy, one piece, i feel dumb

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