Recommendations and Thinking About Creativity
Thanks so much to everybody who commented on my last post! I really, really appreciated the support and empathy.
Also, I want to STRONGLY recommend Leah Cypess's short story "Nanny's Day" (published in the current issue of Asimov's magazine) to anyone who's ever struggled with mom-guilt. Leah was generous enough to send a copy to me after our conversation on my last blog entry, and WOW. It is such an emotionally intense story that as I read it, my body physically hunched, getting more and more tense - there were even some points when I literally felt like I couldn't breathe! It is sharp and scathing and genuinely brilliant. Very highly recommended, and not just to science fiction fans!
On a totally different front, I wanted to also recommend a new podcast I love: This Creative Life, by author Sara Zarr. It's a podcast that's not about writing-craft or -promotion but rather about finding ways to keep our creative wells refilled, as creative workers and as people, regardless of how well or badly the business side is going. I really enjoyed the first episode, where she interviewed fellow author Tara Altebrando.
...And yes, I winced with recognition when Tara said (this may be slightly paraphrased): "I just don't think you can keep your creative well completely full when you have a ten-month-old and a four-year-old!"
But I also really loved the way Tara talked about finding touchstones for her work, like iconic images, imaginary book covers, etc., to keep her in touch with her novels even when she's feeling overwhelmed. I thought that hunting for imaginary book covers also sounded like a great idea for adding a sense of imaginative play and fun to the work - and my own personal feeling is that I have to feel like I'm playing in some way in order to really be creative, even if (or maybe even especially when) there is also a deadline/financial aspect at stake.
It's an issue I've been thinking about a lot over the past year. I was so excited at the creation of the podcast, I wrote a piece of fan mail to Sara, and her (lovely) response made me start thinking about something else that's really necessary for filling up the creative well for a lot of us: doing stuff that's just for fun, with no obvious reward. The truth is, I excised a LOT of those things from my life during MrD's first few years, because I had SO little time/energy, I had to be ruthless with my priorities. I'm so glad I've picked up some of the things I really love doing just for fun again, though, like knitting and (although I want to let myself start practicing more regularly) the piano.
Also, I need to start treating my own creativity like it's worthwhile in and of itself whether or not I'm getting paid for it - a small but crucial point that's sometimes hard to remember after the first professional payments start rolling in.
One of my best sets of gifts this Christmas came from my parents: a copy of Julia Cameron's Finding Water: The Art of Perseverance (a book which I'd read and loved years ago, but which I'd also lost quite a while ago, to my great frustration) and a beautiful blank book with a cover and endpapers drawn by Shaun Tan. (This is a SERIOUSLY gorgeous blank book - maybe the most beautiful notebook I've ever had.)
Finding Water is the best book I've ever read on maintaining creativity even during hard times, and every time I've ever read it, it's spoken to me in different ways. As I've been re-reading it this time, reading it slowly to really absorb the message, I've been writing down quotes from the book that really stand out to me (using my lovely blank book).
Here are a few of the quotes I've copied down:
"How would an artist with any self-worth act? Act that way."
"As an artist, I must cherish each tiny bit of track as I am able to lay it down... I must scan the horizon for the next right thing and do that thing, however tiny it may seem."
and
"In order to go forward on these [bad] days, I must be willing to be small, not large. I must be willing to write from a spirit of service, to write simply because writers write. It does no good to demand to always be brilliant. That demand is an instant prescription for writer's block. No, in order to write, I must be willing to write badly and to have the faith that if I go forward 'writing badly,' some purpose is still being served."
Also, on New Year's Eve this year, I sat down with my Shaun Tan blank book and made three lists: Big dreams; !WILD! dreams; and Goals That I Can Do. It felt really scary to make those three lists. The dreams I listed in Big Dreams are out of my personal control; so were the !Wild! Dreams, and those ones were so huge, I felt shivery with panic at just writing them down.
I was in a pretty dark place back around New Year's Eve; I was filled with true dread and fear about how I would get through this year, in terms of health and finances and more. So I almost didn't let myself write those first two lists; I was afraid it would just hurt too much to write down what I really wanted and probably wouldn't get. Why inflict pain on myself by dreaming about impossibilities? I did, though, inspired by a blog post by Mette Harrison.
Goals I Can Do was the third and longest list, covering three pages, all made up of small, do-able goals I can control myself - but one of the things I worked hardest on with that list was trying to come up with a list of goals that would be genuinely good for me as a person, not just professionally sensible. So, although some of the goals were professionally oriented, one of the other goals was "Play the piano at least three times a month", and another was "Do creative things with MrD." Writing that list felt not just affirming but incredibly helpful - it made me sit down and focus on what I can do but too often forget to do, to my own detriment.
Every so often, I've looked back at that last list, and every time, I've been genuinely happy to get those reminders of what I ought to be prioritizing in my life. I never looked back at the first two lists, though. Again: why set myself up to get hurt, right?
Well. The other day, I went to sit in a coffeeshop for the hour before I set out to do my school event at Waterstones. I opened up my Shaun Tan notebook, looked back at my first two lists for the first time since New Year's Eve...and blinked. Because guess what?
It was March 1st, and not only had I already, completely out of the blue, had a serious and unexpected possibility (not yet confirmed) pop up for one of those Big Dreams ("Go to America") - but I'd actually GOTTEN one of the crazy !WILD! Dreams! It had actually happened! (And I'll be able to share details within a month, I promise.) I just stared at those lists, remembering how terrifying it had felt to write down those dreams, how utterly impossible they'd seemed...and I felt true wonder unfurl inside me.
I'm not really sure what I want to say to wrap this up...so I guess I'll just finish with a picture of the creative project I finished last night which filled me with a ridiculous amount of pleasure and sheer delight:
I don't think I'll ever be a brilliant knitter...but I am a very happy one, and I know I'm a happier person because I'm doing it.
Happy Sunday, everyone!
Also, I want to STRONGLY recommend Leah Cypess's short story "Nanny's Day" (published in the current issue of Asimov's magazine) to anyone who's ever struggled with mom-guilt. Leah was generous enough to send a copy to me after our conversation on my last blog entry, and WOW. It is such an emotionally intense story that as I read it, my body physically hunched, getting more and more tense - there were even some points when I literally felt like I couldn't breathe! It is sharp and scathing and genuinely brilliant. Very highly recommended, and not just to science fiction fans!
On a totally different front, I wanted to also recommend a new podcast I love: This Creative Life, by author Sara Zarr. It's a podcast that's not about writing-craft or -promotion but rather about finding ways to keep our creative wells refilled, as creative workers and as people, regardless of how well or badly the business side is going. I really enjoyed the first episode, where she interviewed fellow author Tara Altebrando.
...And yes, I winced with recognition when Tara said (this may be slightly paraphrased): "I just don't think you can keep your creative well completely full when you have a ten-month-old and a four-year-old!"
But I also really loved the way Tara talked about finding touchstones for her work, like iconic images, imaginary book covers, etc., to keep her in touch with her novels even when she's feeling overwhelmed. I thought that hunting for imaginary book covers also sounded like a great idea for adding a sense of imaginative play and fun to the work - and my own personal feeling is that I have to feel like I'm playing in some way in order to really be creative, even if (or maybe even especially when) there is also a deadline/financial aspect at stake.
It's an issue I've been thinking about a lot over the past year. I was so excited at the creation of the podcast, I wrote a piece of fan mail to Sara, and her (lovely) response made me start thinking about something else that's really necessary for filling up the creative well for a lot of us: doing stuff that's just for fun, with no obvious reward. The truth is, I excised a LOT of those things from my life during MrD's first few years, because I had SO little time/energy, I had to be ruthless with my priorities. I'm so glad I've picked up some of the things I really love doing just for fun again, though, like knitting and (although I want to let myself start practicing more regularly) the piano.
Also, I need to start treating my own creativity like it's worthwhile in and of itself whether or not I'm getting paid for it - a small but crucial point that's sometimes hard to remember after the first professional payments start rolling in.
One of my best sets of gifts this Christmas came from my parents: a copy of Julia Cameron's Finding Water: The Art of Perseverance (a book which I'd read and loved years ago, but which I'd also lost quite a while ago, to my great frustration) and a beautiful blank book with a cover and endpapers drawn by Shaun Tan. (This is a SERIOUSLY gorgeous blank book - maybe the most beautiful notebook I've ever had.)
Finding Water is the best book I've ever read on maintaining creativity even during hard times, and every time I've ever read it, it's spoken to me in different ways. As I've been re-reading it this time, reading it slowly to really absorb the message, I've been writing down quotes from the book that really stand out to me (using my lovely blank book).
Here are a few of the quotes I've copied down:
"How would an artist with any self-worth act? Act that way."
"As an artist, I must cherish each tiny bit of track as I am able to lay it down... I must scan the horizon for the next right thing and do that thing, however tiny it may seem."
and
"In order to go forward on these [bad] days, I must be willing to be small, not large. I must be willing to write from a spirit of service, to write simply because writers write. It does no good to demand to always be brilliant. That demand is an instant prescription for writer's block. No, in order to write, I must be willing to write badly and to have the faith that if I go forward 'writing badly,' some purpose is still being served."
Also, on New Year's Eve this year, I sat down with my Shaun Tan blank book and made three lists: Big dreams; !WILD! dreams; and Goals That I Can Do. It felt really scary to make those three lists. The dreams I listed in Big Dreams are out of my personal control; so were the !Wild! Dreams, and those ones were so huge, I felt shivery with panic at just writing them down.
I was in a pretty dark place back around New Year's Eve; I was filled with true dread and fear about how I would get through this year, in terms of health and finances and more. So I almost didn't let myself write those first two lists; I was afraid it would just hurt too much to write down what I really wanted and probably wouldn't get. Why inflict pain on myself by dreaming about impossibilities? I did, though, inspired by a blog post by Mette Harrison.
Goals I Can Do was the third and longest list, covering three pages, all made up of small, do-able goals I can control myself - but one of the things I worked hardest on with that list was trying to come up with a list of goals that would be genuinely good for me as a person, not just professionally sensible. So, although some of the goals were professionally oriented, one of the other goals was "Play the piano at least three times a month", and another was "Do creative things with MrD." Writing that list felt not just affirming but incredibly helpful - it made me sit down and focus on what I can do but too often forget to do, to my own detriment.
Every so often, I've looked back at that last list, and every time, I've been genuinely happy to get those reminders of what I ought to be prioritizing in my life. I never looked back at the first two lists, though. Again: why set myself up to get hurt, right?
Well. The other day, I went to sit in a coffeeshop for the hour before I set out to do my school event at Waterstones. I opened up my Shaun Tan notebook, looked back at my first two lists for the first time since New Year's Eve...and blinked. Because guess what?
It was March 1st, and not only had I already, completely out of the blue, had a serious and unexpected possibility (not yet confirmed) pop up for one of those Big Dreams ("Go to America") - but I'd actually GOTTEN one of the crazy !WILD! Dreams! It had actually happened! (And I'll be able to share details within a month, I promise.) I just stared at those lists, remembering how terrifying it had felt to write down those dreams, how utterly impossible they'd seemed...and I felt true wonder unfurl inside me.
I'm not really sure what I want to say to wrap this up...so I guess I'll just finish with a picture of the creative project I finished last night which filled me with a ridiculous amount of pleasure and sheer delight:
I don't think I'll ever be a brilliant knitter...but I am a very happy one, and I know I'm a happier person because I'm doing it.
Happy Sunday, everyone!