fuck it
so i just got off the phone with jon. i'm fucking done. i need my fucking life back. i need to not have to worry if what i do is going to piss him off. i've tried everything to make things work with him, and then i get treated like this all of the time. i've become so fucking self-destructive in these past few months and its scary. i don't want to see myself like this again, and i won't. he can have all the time he wants to do whatever it is that he wants to do, and i can be left the fuck alone. he's coming over after work to talk, although who knows when that'll be... maybe just sometime apart would be good, or maybe we do need to just break up. i don't know. i have no clue what i should do right now or ever... i'm a fucking mess today. i'm going to try to sleep for a bit before he gets here... or make dinner... i don't know.