(no subject)

[stephanelambiel]

There's something going on with me and Caro. Or maybe it's just me. Or maybe it's nothing. I don't know. But like, Brian and Jeff have been saying how they're feeling so close to each other because they've been together for so long. And I mean, shouldn't we feel that way? Except we don't. At least I don't. At least I think I don't. What do I know. And I feel so awful, because it's just not fair to Caro either. Obviously I still care about her. I definitely still love her. A lot. That hasn't changed. I don't know that that even ever can change. But I do feel like something's different. Like when something happens, and I mean something really trivial, I don't need to call her to tell her about it right away. Sometimes I do because I feel like I should, because I always used to. But it's not crucial anymore, that having to call her and tell her every little unimportant thing, just to hear her voice. And I loved that.

I'm trying to figure out when this started, and I don't think it just suddenly happened or anything. Just that some things, like listening to Brian and Jeff, and...other stuff, just got me started thinking. And I think it was just kind of building slowly before. And maybe it was inevitable. Maybe it's just that new relationship starting to not be so new anymore. I wouldn't know. This is by far the longest I've ever been with anyone. And I've loved all of it. But now...I don't know.

I want to clarify: I am under no circumstances whatsoever breaking up, nor am I implying that I want to break up. I don't. At all. I'm just sorting some things out I guess. I'm sorry.

I love you Carolina

Stéph