upon the sweet scent of autumn
I feel so awkward. I used to be all up for parties and going out with everyone to have a good time, but I just don't feel like it anymore. I feel like a rehab patient. Hi my name is Stephanie and I've been sober for two months. But its not even like I had a revelation one day and thought oh I'm done with smoking and drinking, I just don't really want to. It just doesn't seem fun to me anymore. Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure that I'll still indulge myself on those crazy nights with the girls, but I think it will be just once in a while, nothing like the way I used to be.
I miss aram. I really hate not being around him. I don't know how to explain it, I feel different when I'm with him. Like nothing bad can happen as long as I'm with him. I guess it's kind of scary because then when I'm not with him it has the opposite effect. I feel like nothing is ok. ha I don't even want to go out if its not with him. I'm going up to see him this weekend so it's nice to have something to look forward to. We'll get to cuddle :). We went sailing this weekend which was nice. Finally got some nice pictures of the two of us. oh i miss him! I probably shouldn't miss him this much but I can't help it. I think now that he's gone I'm going to start taking more pictures just to keep myself occupied. I stole his cd that we always listen to when we're in his car and I can't help but listen to it all the time now. It's sweet.
I think I'm just going to spend this year focusing on school, deciding what I want to do with the rest of my life, and spending time with the very few friends from west that I actually care about. I was thinking about it and after this year, I'm probably only going to stay in touch with a very small number of kids from west, so why should I waste my last year trying to be friends with everyone when I can just focus on spending time with the people that I know I'll still talk to ten years from now. weird.
I miss my sister. It's weird not having her around still. As much as I used to hate having to deal with all the problems she caused, I kind of miss it now. and before I could basically do whatever I wanted because my parents were all caught up in worrying about her. Now It's like I'm on lockdown. It sucks. Makes trips to Boston a lot more difficult. But I always seem to manage. It just sucks being all by myself here. I have no one to do the stupid meaningless stuff with. Like yesterday I went to go play playstation and I had to play against the computer and it kept beating me. When amanda was here I could just play against her so naturally I'd always win. Or when it was a clear night we would just go out on the roof and just lay down looking up at the stars talking about absolutely nothing, which now seems like everything. Can't seem to enjoy doing these things on my own.
I like having this thing because I know no one really reads it, and I've never really been good about talking to people about myself, so it's my way of just talking. kinda wierd but hey it works for me.
So getting ready for school tomorrow. 180 days left.
pretty comfy,
stepha
I miss aram. I really hate not being around him. I don't know how to explain it, I feel different when I'm with him. Like nothing bad can happen as long as I'm with him. I guess it's kind of scary because then when I'm not with him it has the opposite effect. I feel like nothing is ok. ha I don't even want to go out if its not with him. I'm going up to see him this weekend so it's nice to have something to look forward to. We'll get to cuddle :). We went sailing this weekend which was nice. Finally got some nice pictures of the two of us. oh i miss him! I probably shouldn't miss him this much but I can't help it. I think now that he's gone I'm going to start taking more pictures just to keep myself occupied. I stole his cd that we always listen to when we're in his car and I can't help but listen to it all the time now. It's sweet.
I think I'm just going to spend this year focusing on school, deciding what I want to do with the rest of my life, and spending time with the very few friends from west that I actually care about. I was thinking about it and after this year, I'm probably only going to stay in touch with a very small number of kids from west, so why should I waste my last year trying to be friends with everyone when I can just focus on spending time with the people that I know I'll still talk to ten years from now. weird.
I miss my sister. It's weird not having her around still. As much as I used to hate having to deal with all the problems she caused, I kind of miss it now. and before I could basically do whatever I wanted because my parents were all caught up in worrying about her. Now It's like I'm on lockdown. It sucks. Makes trips to Boston a lot more difficult. But I always seem to manage. It just sucks being all by myself here. I have no one to do the stupid meaningless stuff with. Like yesterday I went to go play playstation and I had to play against the computer and it kept beating me. When amanda was here I could just play against her so naturally I'd always win. Or when it was a clear night we would just go out on the roof and just lay down looking up at the stars talking about absolutely nothing, which now seems like everything. Can't seem to enjoy doing these things on my own.
I like having this thing because I know no one really reads it, and I've never really been good about talking to people about myself, so it's my way of just talking. kinda wierd but hey it works for me.
So getting ready for school tomorrow. 180 days left.
pretty comfy,
stepha