Piranha 3D Review
WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR PIRANHA 3D AS WELL AS SOME HOT MCQUEEN (I WILL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR PANTIE IMPLOSION) AND GOREFEST PICCYS.
One thing that I will say upfront is that if you like your movies to be sensible and realistic, avoid this one at all costs. It's purely there for the entertainment factor, and trust me it delivers right at the top level. Four of us saw the movie, and four of us are practically still bouncing off the walls over the movie now (of course we are all bouncing off the wall over different things- gore, naked women or semi naked mcqueen but it's all good).
So here we go! (and try to keep your golden asses out of the water!)
The movie begins with a decent cameo by Richard Dreyfus, a la Jaws (and yes, he does play Matt Hooper- the same character as he does in Jaws!). I was immensely pleased by this.
We are soon introduced to Jake Forester (Steven R. McQueen) who is the typical high school geek/ dork, unlucky in love and generally having a sucky life by being asked by his Mum (the town Sheriff) to look after his younger siblings during Spring Break. Much love for the moped and the orange helmet at this point!!! I am glad that they've decided to leave the "father" out of this- we've had enough of deadbeat dad's or dead dad's that are only mentioned to satisfy society's ideals. Besides, Jake's mum is pretty damn kickass anyway, so who needs a man in this situ right?
Jake finds himself forced into a career as a "sand rat" AKA tourist guide for a porn director (Jerry O'Connell) and finds things rapidly spiralling out of control, particulalry things involving his crush, Kelly (Jessica Szohr). Both actor and actress get into their roles and put in a good performance.
Meanwhile a particularly random freak event has occured and opened up a trench from prehistoric times allwoing supposedly extinct piranhas to enter the local lake. Yes, the usual shit they come up in this kind of horror!
Well, eventually Spring Break gets interupted by a few thousand angry little MOFO's with razors for teeth. There's tit's, bare asses, bare everything else and lots of blood. It's all very tongue in cheek but so worth the watch- and the graphics are pretty awesome too. The average beach beauty turns into this..... (one good reason for carrying a few extra pounds- you have more chance to get out the water)
To cut a story short, and without spoiling too much, you do actually become emotionally invested with some of the characters- notably Jake and his younger brother and sister. You don't want them to die, and if you're like me, you will be sat in the cinema shouting "Get the FUCK out of the water!" (or removing the 3D glasses and hiding in your hoodie).
The ended was unexpected, as was the amount of McQueen- he's basically the main character (I only thought he would have a fairly minor role) and the humour was EPIC.
I can do no more than thoroughly recommend the movie. I cannot wait for the DVD release so I will no doubt resort to illegal means to get a copy.
Oh and here's a bonus....
I GIVE YOU HOT ASS WET (TAKE CHARGE ACTION MAN) HERO JAKE (Coz yes I am that shallow when I watch movies)
