My Life...
So I haven't written all week because I have been beyond grounded. I got to my dads house on Sunday and my sisters and I were told to "sit down" because my step-mom needed to "talk" to us..this is what she said:
"Someone used my pink disposable razor" (incidentally these cost about 10 cents each" then she decides that me or my sisters must have taken it and grounds us until one of us admits it. Ironically all of us knew that my step-brothers gf stayed with us that same weekend, and she was the one that used the razor, however none of us wanted to bust her b/c we like Rochell, and probably wouldn't be believed anyway. In the middle of all this, I get in this fight with my dad about the razor, and my dad and I are shouting, and I say, "and you wonder why I wanted to move in with mom permanently!" and he yells, "FINE, GO PACK YOUR BAG, CALL YOUR MOTHER, AND MOVE OUT!" and I'm like, "FINE" and I do. and then he changed his mind and says if I go, he's calling the cops, because it's his week and I can't leave with her...so then the cops come, and my mom comes and all hell breaks loose and somehow the cop thinks I'm being locked in my room and starved, but I explain I'm not, and I keep my mouth shut because if I ever told the truth even more hell would break loose, so I dont' say anything, and the cops leave.
Meanwhile, with the razor: So none of us confess because none of us did it. So then on tuesday I get called down and my dad and step-mom say, "Stephanie, we decided that since no one else confessed, it was you who did it." and my step-mom finishes by saying, "you are grounded into the school year for lying. You will go to work and school and soccer and that is it, Stephanie, that's is IT" and I am very upset for two reasons: 1.) She is grounding me for months b/c of a 10 cent razor, and 2.) I DIDN'T TAKE IT! So I get pissed..and I decide that I am going to stand up to her for once, and I tell her that she's not my mother and I'm sick of her acting like I'm a problem child who just makes trouble. She is screaming at me about how I'm such a liar and for the two years she's known me I just fuck up left and right, and I point out that She works at a county jail for a living, which kind of sheds light on how she did in school, and that I have a 3.7 and take all IB and AP classes..actually I didn't really point this out, but I wanted to...I told her she never gave me a chance and that I never did anything to her except be my dads daughter, and I was sorry if that was inconvenient for her..and she goes, "do NOT raise your voice to me, you want to be treated like and adult, act like one and talk civilized" so I'm like, "you never treat me like an adult" and she screams (actually, more of a shriek, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt) "SHUT UP" and so I was like, "Don't tell me to shut up" and she's like, "I WILL TELL YOU TO STOP WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE IT" and I said, "fine, but don't ever tell me to shut up. I don't say it to you, so don't say it to me" and that's how it all started, my dad just sitting there, while I screamed at my step-mother, and she screamed back at me telling me how horrible I was..somehow I was sent to my room, and my dad came in to inform me I had no privilages, and I finally made up my mind.
After months of debating, I decided once and for all. I told him I didn't want to live with him anymore. I expected him to at least want to hear my explanataion (he IS my father) and let me explain that it was because I couldn't live with Kim, not because of him, but instead he said, "FINE. It's irreversable however, and you will not be allowed to come back" and I realize he is completely brainwashed by Kim and I not hate my step-mother more than ever before. So I'm crying my eyes out, he doesn't care, and I have decided to move out and live with my mom all the time, instead of this switching every week shit. My sisters are really upset, and they want to move out too, but unfortunately both of them are too young to make that decision. My dad also informed me that I will no longer have a car, and he will not pay for anything for me anymore..so after he realized I wasn't living with him because he had more money than mom, and had figured out that my every other weeks with her were just as fun as my every other other weeks with him, he just said, "get the fuck out" basically.
So I am. This is a very glossed over version as I can't remember all the parts, and It would either bore people, or it would get to ugly to keep reading. But that's the pg version for everyone..I can't live with my step-mother anymore. I can't do it. I have tried tor 2 years, and I can't do it. My mother might be an alcoholic drug-addict, but I'm not like her, I'm not stupid, and at least I don't have to live up to impossible expectations. At least I'm worth something at her house, even if it's not much...so I'm moving in with my mom permanently...It's going to be hard without my dad, but every time I ever tried to committ suicide involved my dad, and the last two times involved my step-mother..and I Hate her, and she just makes my life a living hell, and I'm not happy there..and I would like to be happy for part of my high school career..home is not supposed to be worse than school..and for some reason it always has been. School is where I'm happiest, and that is DEFINITELY not normal;-) Anway..I'll write again if I can see a computer between now and Sunday when I go to my moms...
"Someone used my pink disposable razor" (incidentally these cost about 10 cents each" then she decides that me or my sisters must have taken it and grounds us until one of us admits it. Ironically all of us knew that my step-brothers gf stayed with us that same weekend, and she was the one that used the razor, however none of us wanted to bust her b/c we like Rochell, and probably wouldn't be believed anyway. In the middle of all this, I get in this fight with my dad about the razor, and my dad and I are shouting, and I say, "and you wonder why I wanted to move in with mom permanently!" and he yells, "FINE, GO PACK YOUR BAG, CALL YOUR MOTHER, AND MOVE OUT!" and I'm like, "FINE" and I do. and then he changed his mind and says if I go, he's calling the cops, because it's his week and I can't leave with her...so then the cops come, and my mom comes and all hell breaks loose and somehow the cop thinks I'm being locked in my room and starved, but I explain I'm not, and I keep my mouth shut because if I ever told the truth even more hell would break loose, so I dont' say anything, and the cops leave.
Meanwhile, with the razor: So none of us confess because none of us did it. So then on tuesday I get called down and my dad and step-mom say, "Stephanie, we decided that since no one else confessed, it was you who did it." and my step-mom finishes by saying, "you are grounded into the school year for lying. You will go to work and school and soccer and that is it, Stephanie, that's is IT" and I am very upset for two reasons: 1.) She is grounding me for months b/c of a 10 cent razor, and 2.) I DIDN'T TAKE IT! So I get pissed..and I decide that I am going to stand up to her for once, and I tell her that she's not my mother and I'm sick of her acting like I'm a problem child who just makes trouble. She is screaming at me about how I'm such a liar and for the two years she's known me I just fuck up left and right, and I point out that She works at a county jail for a living, which kind of sheds light on how she did in school, and that I have a 3.7 and take all IB and AP classes..actually I didn't really point this out, but I wanted to...I told her she never gave me a chance and that I never did anything to her except be my dads daughter, and I was sorry if that was inconvenient for her..and she goes, "do NOT raise your voice to me, you want to be treated like and adult, act like one and talk civilized" so I'm like, "you never treat me like an adult" and she screams (actually, more of a shriek, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt) "SHUT UP" and so I was like, "Don't tell me to shut up" and she's like, "I WILL TELL YOU TO STOP WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE IT" and I said, "fine, but don't ever tell me to shut up. I don't say it to you, so don't say it to me" and that's how it all started, my dad just sitting there, while I screamed at my step-mother, and she screamed back at me telling me how horrible I was..somehow I was sent to my room, and my dad came in to inform me I had no privilages, and I finally made up my mind.
After months of debating, I decided once and for all. I told him I didn't want to live with him anymore. I expected him to at least want to hear my explanataion (he IS my father) and let me explain that it was because I couldn't live with Kim, not because of him, but instead he said, "FINE. It's irreversable however, and you will not be allowed to come back" and I realize he is completely brainwashed by Kim and I not hate my step-mother more than ever before. So I'm crying my eyes out, he doesn't care, and I have decided to move out and live with my mom all the time, instead of this switching every week shit. My sisters are really upset, and they want to move out too, but unfortunately both of them are too young to make that decision. My dad also informed me that I will no longer have a car, and he will not pay for anything for me anymore..so after he realized I wasn't living with him because he had more money than mom, and had figured out that my every other weeks with her were just as fun as my every other other weeks with him, he just said, "get the fuck out" basically.
So I am. This is a very glossed over version as I can't remember all the parts, and It would either bore people, or it would get to ugly to keep reading. But that's the pg version for everyone..I can't live with my step-mother anymore. I can't do it. I have tried tor 2 years, and I can't do it. My mother might be an alcoholic drug-addict, but I'm not like her, I'm not stupid, and at least I don't have to live up to impossible expectations. At least I'm worth something at her house, even if it's not much...so I'm moving in with my mom permanently...It's going to be hard without my dad, but every time I ever tried to committ suicide involved my dad, and the last two times involved my step-mother..and I Hate her, and she just makes my life a living hell, and I'm not happy there..and I would like to be happy for part of my high school career..home is not supposed to be worse than school..and for some reason it always has been. School is where I'm happiest, and that is DEFINITELY not normal;-) Anway..I'll write again if I can see a computer between now and Sunday when I go to my moms...