WHY DOESN'T MY FRIEND LISTEN?

Jul 03, 2003 22:12

I don't get it...I went through it, we tell her, we all tell her..she goes to Spain, and she comes back, calls him a million times, he doesn't call back..four days later he calls, and she's prepared to yell at him and end it for using her..and he's like, "I've been busy" and she's like, "ok, I forgive you" just like that! Look at this and tell me it's not messed up:

kTurbo944 (9:27:41 PM): so..sorry
Smj112 (9:27:52 PM): no, I didn't mean to be mad..I just hate watching this
kTurbo944 (9:27:56 PM): I know
Smj112 (9:27:56 PM): it makes me so mad
kTurbo944 (9:28:08 PM): I just am really bad at saying how I really feel to who it pertains to
Smj112 (9:28:08 PM): because honestly, you're probably my best friend, and you deserve so much better
kTurbo944 (9:28:09 PM): you know?
Smj112 (9:28:18 PM): and you always get fucked with and this time it's too much
Smj112 (9:28:34 PM): I got out of the car b/c I was real close to crying I was so frustrated
Smj112 (9:30:13 PM): It's just...I know what you're going through, because I let Adnan do the same exact thing..and he ended up basically cheating on me, even if I broke up w/him before he could
Smj112 (9:30:17 PM): and Kelly understands too
Smj112 (9:30:29 PM): and the only way she fixed it was by standing up to him
kTurbo944 (9:30:56 PM): I know
kTurbo944 (9:30:59 PM): you guys tell me all the time
kTurbo944 (9:31:47 PM): try not to worry about me too much though, k? cause I know that you guys are trying to help me out, and I Want to listen to you , but I'm just so bad at standing up for just one little feeling, and so I'm the one getting myself into and I'm the one who's going to get hurt. It's all my fault, ot yours
Smj112 (9:32:18 PM): but you don't understand..and you don't listen, and then he hurts you even more..and eventually he's going to do something really bad
Smj112 (9:32:23 PM): and it will be too late
Smj112 (9:32:26 PM): and you don't get it
Smj112 (9:32:32 PM): and it's not easy to stand by and watch
kTurbo944 (9:32:42 PM): no I do get it
Smj112 (9:32:44 PM): and Kim, we're supposed to be your friends, but you always pick him first
kTurbo944 (9:32:54 PM): I understand that that is what you guys see happening, and maybe that is what's going to happen
Smj112 (9:32:59 PM): and we've been here the whole time, but you listen to him over us
Smj112 (9:33:07 PM): and we've been through it, and you listen to him over us
Smj112 (9:33:10 PM): and it doesn't make sense
kTurbo944 (9:33:18 PM): what I'm saying is that I'm choosing to see that happen if that's where its going and its not your fault
kTurbo944 (9:33:38 PM): I AM stubborn and I don't mean to be ignoring your advice
Smj112 (9:34:59 PM): no, Kim it's not stubborn, it's not you waiting to see what happens..it's him walking all over you, and you thinking he's this model guy who's not...it's like the girls who get beat by their husbands, and they don't listen to anyone until they get beat to death
kTurbo944 (9:35:46 PM): Steph! trust me, I don't think he's a model guy, I know he's been a jerk...multiple times...its just like the song, you know?
kTurbo944 (9:35:56 PM): and if he starts beating me I'll quit
Smj112 (9:36:52 PM): no, he already is..and you take it...you say you'll stand up to him and you don't
Smj112 (9:36:57 PM): and what do you see in a guy who does this?
Smj112 (9:37:13 PM): who makes you cry, and makes you worry about him, and doesn't call for four days when you were in SPAIN
kTurbo944 (9:38:05 PM): I don't know Steph, it's just...I don't know, it feels different to me
kTurbo944 (9:38:16 PM): from my point-of-view
Smj112 (9:39:05 PM): ok, I'm going to be really honest right now....
kTurbo944 (9:39:16 PM): k go for it
Smj112 (9:39:28 PM): I think it feels different because it's the first guy you've liked that has stayed with you this long without fucking you over
Smj112 (9:39:33 PM): and you don't want to lose that
Smj112 (9:39:38 PM): except that doesn't make it better
Smj112 (9:39:56 PM): just because he's the first one to act like he's really interested doesn't mean he's the RIGHT one
Smj112 (9:40:07 PM): honestly, Chris Hodges is a much better guy than this
kTurbo944 (9:40:10 PM): no, Jervey, that's not true
kTurbo944 (9:40:23 PM): trust me, i was with Bryan for a while and it did not feel the same way
kTurbo944 (9:40:31 PM): he is, huh?
Smj112 (9:41:14 PM): yeah, but Bryan kept leaving you and coming back, it's a different situation, and you were younger..use Chris for example
Smj112 (9:41:26 PM): you were so in love with him
kTurbo944 (9:41:30 PM): hmm
Smj112 (9:41:30 PM): and he was a total jerk
Smj112 (9:41:45 PM): so then you find Elliott and he's much nicer to you than Chris was
kTurbo944 (9:42:02 PM): so how does that make Chris a better guy?
Smj112 (9:42:13 PM): and you end up liking him b/c of that...I mean, yeah, he's cowboy, which is convenient, but other than that Kim, he's not anything special
kTurbo944 (9:42:22 PM): to you, no
Smj112 (9:42:33 PM): because Chris was honest with you...at first he tried to use you, and then he stopped himself
kTurbo944 (9:42:35 PM): but he is to me
Smj112 (9:42:57 PM): and then he tried to be friends...or said he did, and he really did stop before he led you too far
kTurbo944 (9:43:03 PM): well I don't see Elliott trying to use me, we're not at the same pace that Chris and I were
Smj112 (9:43:15 PM): he already is using you...not sexually
Smj112 (9:43:25 PM): mentally...it makes him feel better to know he has control
Smj112 (9:43:26 PM): and you let him have it
Smj112 (9:43:39 PM): and that's why he comes back, because he can walk all over you and you won't stop it
kTurbo944 (9:44:28 PM): well maybe that's the case, and good for him for figuring it out I guess. But even though it feels shitty when its happening, I'd rather have something then be all alone
Smj112 (9:45:15 PM): I knew that was what you were afraid of...being alone..except Kim, it's better, and alone for a while..how do you know there isn't someone else right there that you'll never find because you're too scared to let go of something
Smj112 (9:45:20 PM): just because you don't want to be alone
kTurbo944 (9:45:39 PM): alone for a while coudl turn into alone for 3 years
kTurbo944 (9:45:59 PM): and I've had a glance at the other guys around, there's not much to choose from, Steph
Smj112 (9:46:10 PM): so that means it's better to be with someone who hurts you all the time? because it's better than being alone??
kTurbo944 (9:46:14 PM): at least no one that would be interested in me
kTurbo944 (9:46:21 PM): I guess so
kTurbo944 (9:46:39 PM): makes me feel a little more important
Smj112 (9:46:41 PM): I'm aware of this, but Kim, I had to do it too..I had to let go of someone I was with 24/7 for over a year...and my biggest fear was to be alone
Smj112 (9:46:43 PM): and I was
Smj112 (9:46:47 PM): my friends weren't even there
Smj112 (9:46:52 PM): when I broke up w/him
Smj112 (9:46:55 PM): they all gave up on me
kTurbo944 (9:47:00 PM): how long were you alone for?
kTurbo944 (9:47:03 PM): guys LOVE you steph
Smj112 (9:47:08 PM): because I put him over them..it almost cost me my relationship w/Kel
kTurbo944 (9:47:10 PM): you always have soemone who wants to be with you
Smj112 (9:47:21 PM): no, Kim, guys wanting to be with me is not the same as me wanting them
Smj112 (9:47:38 PM): I'm lonelier b/c I don't like them, and I don't understand why I can't find someone I liked as much as Adnan
Smj112 (9:47:57 PM): it's not better, trust me..I wish no one wanted me so I wouldn't have to feel horrible because I don't feel like they do...
Smj112 (9:48:08 PM): because if I could it would be so much better
Smj112 (9:48:13 PM): I have yet to fall for someone hard
Smj112 (9:48:17 PM): like Adnan
Smj112 (9:48:27 PM): I get bored and I'm just as lonely as anyone else
kTurbo944 (9:48:32 PM): really?
Smj112 (9:48:40 PM): I go from guy to guy looking for someone to care about
Smj112 (9:48:50 PM): I tell myself all the time, "stick it out steph, maybe you'll fall for him"
Smj112 (9:48:52 PM): and I never do
Smj112 (9:48:52 PM): ever
Smj112 (9:48:54 PM): and it sucks
Smj112 (9:49:06 PM): trust me, I'm just as lonely as everyone else
Smj112 (9:49:13 PM): no one has compared to Elliott
Smj112 (9:49:16 PM): for you
Smj112 (9:49:24 PM): just like no one ever compared to Adnan for me
kTurbo944 (9:49:34 PM): yea
Smj112 (9:49:49 PM): but I still had to let go because it wasn't worth it...that was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life
Smj112 (9:49:58 PM): I cried for literally two weeks
Smj112 (9:50:06 PM): and he always called to tell me he wanted me back
Smj112 (9:50:09 PM): which didn't help
kTurbo944 (9:50:18 PM): yea see I can't do that
kTurbo944 (9:50:24 PM): and while it seems similar
Smj112 (9:50:29 PM): and I still compare all the guys to Adnan, and I still think about him, and when I go places, I remember things
kTurbo944 (9:50:34 PM): I don't see it being entirely the same situation
Smj112 (9:50:34 PM): all the time
Smj112 (9:50:41 PM): no, it is...it's the exact same thing
kTurbo944 (9:50:46 PM): cause I don't expect that if I call it off he will call me a lot
Smj112 (9:51:52 PM): umm...dude..he broke up with you, and you didn't call him or talk to him, so he came back to you
kTurbo944 (9:52:17 PM): but HE broke up with ME
kTurbo944 (9:52:27 PM): so I don't know what to expect if it were the other way around
Smj112 (9:52:40 PM): Kim, if he really liked you he never would haev questioned being with you
Smj112 (9:52:44 PM): you don't question that
kTurbo944 (9:53:59 PM): but obviously something must have made him change his mind, so I don't know what he's thinking but he must have his own littel reasons
Smj112 (9:55:59 PM): yeah, because you liked him so much, that he knows he can use you, and it's a power thing
Smj112 (9:56:05 PM): so he came back
Smj112 (9:56:11 PM): because all his other girls don't want him
Smj112 (9:56:24 PM): so he runs to the one who does to prove that you do want him, that he is in control
kTurbo944 (9:56:27 PM): ok, that's not how I see it but maybe
Smj112 (9:56:27 PM): and it's wrong
Smj112 (9:56:30 PM): it's just wrong
Smj112 (9:56:35 PM): I give up
kTurbo944 (9:57:43 PM): steph I don't mean to be a stubborn, ignorant littel dumb girl but I can't help it
kTurbo944 (9:57:45 PM): I'm blinded I guess
Smj112 (9:58:12 PM): no, I honestly can't watch it..it's sickening
Smj112 (9:58:16 PM): you let him do this
Smj112 (9:58:22 PM): because you don't want to be alone
Smj112 (9:58:25 PM): and it's horrible
Smj112 (9:58:26 PM): so I don't care
Smj112 (9:58:28 PM): whatever
kTurbo944 (9:58:29 PM): yeah I'll admit to that part
kTurbo944 (9:58:32 PM): I really don't want to be alone
kTurbo944 (9:58:33 PM): at all
kTurbo944 (9:58:42 PM): I've been alone for so long and for so many times
kTurbo944 (9:58:44 PM): and I hate it
kTurbo944 (9:58:49 PM): I hate the feeling and the way I get
Smj112 (10:00:13 PM): it's not any better to have someone who brings you down..in the end you'll feel even worse..I was SO insecure after Adnan
kTurbo944 (10:00:31 PM): shit steph, you know I was insecure before him anyway
Smj112 (10:00:32 PM): and you're hella insecure right now for being with someone for that reason, it's not the right thing...
kTurbo944 (10:00:37 PM): I always thought down about myself
Smj112 (10:00:41 PM): yeah, but you were also better
Smj112 (10:00:44 PM): you were happier
kTurbo944 (10:00:45 PM): how so?
Smj112 (10:00:47 PM): you didn't worry
Smj112 (10:00:53 PM): you didn't blow me off
Smj112 (10:00:57 PM): we had fun with other people
Smj112 (10:01:04 PM): not spending the day worrying about him
Smj112 (10:01:13 PM): that's all you do is worry about it, and it's not healthy
Smj112 (10:01:19 PM): you shouldn't have to
Smj112 (10:01:28 PM): you should know that there isn't anything to worry about
kTurbo944 (10:01:30 PM): that's cuase you and liek vanessa were the only important things in my life
Smj112 (10:01:40 PM): you don't trust him, and trust is the foundation of any relationship
kTurbo944 (10:01:45 PM): you still are the most important, but you know, I have something else when I have him
Smj112 (10:01:46 PM): yeah, and you blew us off for him
Smj112 (10:02:15 PM): yeah, you get hurt, and honestly, Kelly was the most important person to me, and I lost so much because of Adnan
Smj112 (10:02:19 PM): and we'll never have it back
kTurbo944 (10:04:50 PM): i see

Explain to me how she doesn't get it..I don't get it..it SUCKS. If anyone has advice..let me know...
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