(no subject)
if you want to make yourself feel depressed, just go back and re-read your livejournal entries from 2011.
life was so hard. life was so bad. life was full of misconceptions that you couldn't wrap your heard around and life was full of boys who didn't love you back and a boy that loved you but you didn't love him. and then life was full of false ecstasy, full of white powder that went up your nose that was supposed to make you feel like everything was a-OK thank you and make you feel like what you were doing was amazing and what you were doing was fun and what you had was real. it was there.
it wasn't. it's four years later and you still love that boy, he still doesn't love you back. he'll never love you back. you still crave that feeling of being whole but you'll never be whole, especially not now with everything falling apart and you'll never be able to get it back together.
everyone has moved on. you're still stuck and you're still standing there and you still write livejournal entries at 1 in the morning while feeling lost with the laptop light glowing, lights off, haven't moved in three hours probably going to sleep till 12 and not text them back and feeling like you'll never be able to sleep again and what's sleep and maybe you should just say it. just fucking say it.
life was so hard. life was so bad. life was full of misconceptions that you couldn't wrap your heard around and life was full of boys who didn't love you back and a boy that loved you but you didn't love him. and then life was full of false ecstasy, full of white powder that went up your nose that was supposed to make you feel like everything was a-OK thank you and make you feel like what you were doing was amazing and what you were doing was fun and what you had was real. it was there.
it wasn't. it's four years later and you still love that boy, he still doesn't love you back. he'll never love you back. you still crave that feeling of being whole but you'll never be whole, especially not now with everything falling apart and you'll never be able to get it back together.
everyone has moved on. you're still stuck and you're still standing there and you still write livejournal entries at 1 in the morning while feeling lost with the laptop light glowing, lights off, haven't moved in three hours probably going to sleep till 12 and not text them back and feeling like you'll never be able to sleep again and what's sleep and maybe you should just say it. just fucking say it.