(no subject)
Thanksgiving is in two days.
This year has flown by i mean in 2 months i'll have been in NY for one year.
And this leads me to think back on everything i was and everything i have become.
Am i happy with my transformation?
Eh. Im happy im not as dependent on the partying and booze and drugs.
But i'm not happy with myself emotionally.
MAybe actually having a bf has broken down my barriers but i dont feel as strong anymore.
I cry a lot. About stupid stuff.
When i lived in NC and was who i was i didnt give a shit about anything.
Though that might have been because i was too fucked up to care.
My weight has been a big issue for me.
I just cant stop eating. Though somehow ive managed to stay at a pretty ok weight...
ok who am i kidding i hate my body. I weigh less ( about 15 pounds less) than i did when i moved back. and i LOOK fatter and i feel fatter. I'm carrying it in all the wrong places.
My dad thought it was beer /liquor weight but really i barely drink.
I want to lose 50 pounds. And you know if i could actually stick to a diet plan it would happen.
I NEED TO STICK TO ATKINS. And before i hear peple say how bad Atkins is...it's the only way my body loses the fat.i Still eat... and i eat a lot.
But i cant work out. I just have no motivation to do it.
I cant breath ( thanks addiction).
I get so tired and SO bored.
I'm taking Raquetball next semester.
Hopefully that helps out a lot.I think it will.
Chris bought a Wii.
He was the first in line for one.
Its beautiful.
I would like a wii and a Xbox 360 for christmas.
Though i'd like a 360 more.
I'd also like a slew of movies and cds .
Posters and new clothes.
Gift cards. And books.
Net flicks membership!?
I just want to be happy. And not so cold.
I mean i am happy just not about physical/material things
Id also like more friends. People that actually talk to me please.
This year has flown by i mean in 2 months i'll have been in NY for one year.
And this leads me to think back on everything i was and everything i have become.
Am i happy with my transformation?
Eh. Im happy im not as dependent on the partying and booze and drugs.
But i'm not happy with myself emotionally.
MAybe actually having a bf has broken down my barriers but i dont feel as strong anymore.
I cry a lot. About stupid stuff.
When i lived in NC and was who i was i didnt give a shit about anything.
Though that might have been because i was too fucked up to care.
My weight has been a big issue for me.
I just cant stop eating. Though somehow ive managed to stay at a pretty ok weight...
ok who am i kidding i hate my body. I weigh less ( about 15 pounds less) than i did when i moved back. and i LOOK fatter and i feel fatter. I'm carrying it in all the wrong places.
My dad thought it was beer /liquor weight but really i barely drink.
I want to lose 50 pounds. And you know if i could actually stick to a diet plan it would happen.
I NEED TO STICK TO ATKINS. And before i hear peple say how bad Atkins is...it's the only way my body loses the fat.i Still eat... and i eat a lot.
But i cant work out. I just have no motivation to do it.
I cant breath ( thanks addiction).
I get so tired and SO bored.
I'm taking Raquetball next semester.
Hopefully that helps out a lot.I think it will.
Chris bought a Wii.
He was the first in line for one.
Its beautiful.
I would like a wii and a Xbox 360 for christmas.
Though i'd like a 360 more.
I'd also like a slew of movies and cds .
Posters and new clothes.
Gift cards. And books.
Net flicks membership!?
I just want to be happy. And not so cold.
I mean i am happy just not about physical/material things
Id also like more friends. People that actually talk to me please.