Leaning Slightly to the Left | HG | Rated: T
Title: Leaning Slightly to the Left: Chapter 10
For: queenb23more who bid for this on the help_chile community.
Chapter Rating: T
Chapter Warnings: Angst, but in a good way!
Featured Characters/Pairings: Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Harry, OFC, Ron/OFC, Ron/Hermione
Chapter Word Count: 6,945
Summary: Hermione's life is not what she expected it to be and she doesn't know how to change it. Will moving back to what she knows help? Or if she pinning all her hopes on a dream that ended years before?
Author's Note: So. Much. Fun. To. Write.
Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11
Recollection
She would be glad when this wedding was over, and not for the obvious reasons. People panicked when it came to weddings, whether there was reason to or not. What worried her was that one of the people who she knew generally coped well with pressure seemed the most highly strung of everybody.
Ginny was on edge, and that was understating her mood. Hermione could pinpoint the exact time that she had started to stress out: it was two days ago when Hermione had had to apparate home because the connection to the Floo at Ginny's flat was blocked. She had arrived in the lounge and hadn't been surprised to see all of Ginny but her head knelt in front of the green flames.
She could tell from the way her arms were flying about everywhere that she was agitated and probably shouting at whoever was on the other end of the Floo connection. She hoped it wasn't Harry; like Mattie, she was done with that confrontation.
She walked through to the kitchen and started pulling various things out of the cupboards, determined for once to make herself a meal from scratch, or at least most of it. She was home at a reasonable time from work and was making an effort. She had made a conscious decision to give herself more time just to relax, but still working hard to advance her career.
So the cooking started and after ten more minutes of Ginny wildly gesturing she removed herself from the fire.
'Ah! Shit! Fuck! Bollocks! Cushioning charms my arse!'
'They do have a tendency to wear off you know!' she said, trying not to laugh.
Ginny spun round at Hermione's voice, obviously not having realised that she had arrived home.
'What are you doing here?' she asked, her tone harsh.
'Um, you said I could live here, Gin,' she replied as she concentrated on her sauce that was simmering in the pan. She pointed her wand at it and the sauce stirred slowly.
'I meant what are you doing here now? It's barely six, shouldn't you be slaving away at your desk or something?'
Hermione frowned at Ginny's tone, it wasn't nasty but it wasn't joking or happy either. She tapped her wand on the cooker and the heat reduced under the sauce. She turned and looked at Ginny.
'Gin, what's wrong?'
'What? Why would anything be wrong?' Ginny bent and took a bound stack of parchment off the coffee table and hugged it to her chest.
'Because you're snapping at me for no reason. Unless of course in the last minute I've done something to irritate you, which I will apologise for if you let me know what that is.'
Ginny took a deep breath and looked like she wanted to say something. She swallowed whatever was on the tip of her tongue and straightened up.
'No, you've not done anything. Sorry.' She turned and walked towards her room. Hermione followed her.
'Ginny!' she half shouted. She knew something was bothering Ginny a lot and she wanted to get to the bottom of it. She wasn't as bad as Ron for bottling things up, but she did do it on occasion.
'What did you expect to happen that night?' Ginny asked as she turned to face her.
Hermione frowned. 'Gin… what?'
'The night of the Ministry function I arrived late to, you kissed Ron. Don't try and deny it, I saw you. What did you think would happen? That he would instantly realise that his life with Mattie was a lie and that you would have your happily ever after that you walked away from two years earlier?'
She paused for breath but Hermione cut her off before she had chance to continue.
'Yes!' she replied simply.
She could practically see the wind being knocked out of Ginny's sails at her admission.
'I tried to convince myself - and everyone else - that I came home because I just wanted to be home, but I came home because I wanted to be with Ron and live the happily ever I had always dreamt of. Someone… someone convinced me to fight for him and I tried! That night I tried. I kissed him and I told him that I loved him and wanted him and I needed him.'
Ginny stared at her but seemed lost for words.
'I waited… I waited for him to stand there and tell me that he loved me too, and when he kissed me I thought my dreams were coming true. But instead of saying 'I love you too, Hermione' or, 'say you'll marry me, Hermione' he said 'I have to go and talk to Mattie'. I was foolish enough to believe that he was changing his mind, but all he was doing was realising that kissing me was nothing compared to kissing her, because in the next twenty minutes he had asked her to marry him. And unlike me - the witch who is supposed to be pretty damn intelligent but couldn't see past her own insecurities - she said yes.'
Ginny dropped her gaze to the floor.
'Does that answer your question?'
She felt tears burn her eyes and before they fell she turned and walked back towards the kitchen.
'Wait!' Ginny said and Hermione stopped. She wiped the tears off her cheeks that had fallen and waited for Ginny to start talking without turning to her friend.
'Does Mattie know?' Hermione demanded not letting Ginny start was she was about to say.
'No… she doesn't. Ron told Harry and Harry hit him.'
Hermione couldn't help but turn and stare at Ginny.
'Not hit him, hit him… this is Harry after all… He just shoved him a bit and punched him in the arm.'
'But no one's told Mattie,' Hermione asked again.
'I should do, you know, she's my friend.'
'I'm your friend, Gin,' she replied without thinking.
Ginny nodded. 'I know! You're my best friend, and Ron's my brother and I love you both, but you've both been stupid and I don't know what to do!'
'Just don't tell her, please. Like you said, we were both stupid and she doesn't deserve to be hurt. Ron made his choice and he's marrying her. There's no need to throw a spanner in the works, it'll only cause hurt.'
Ginny nodded but avoided Hermione's gaze. Hermione knew there was still something bothering Ginny but she didn't push for answers.
'Tell me you've made peace with all this,' Ginny said quietly.
Hermione smirked and turned to Ginny. 'Why does it matter if I've made peace with the mess that I am ultimately responsible for? No one should be bothering about me and how I'm feeling. Everyone needs to focus on Ron and Mattie, this is their time.'
'I'm bothered about you.'
'Bothered about me or that I'll try and mess up this wedding with declarations of love around the time Ron's about to say 'I do'.'
Ginny sighed and looked exhausted.
'I'm not worried about that; you're too much of a good person to ever do that. But I'll say it again, I'm bothered about you and how you're dealing with all this.'
'You have to admit accosting me was a funny way of showing it.'
Ginny managed half a smile and nodded.
'I'm sorry. That was uncalled for, I'm just… stressed with all the ridiculousness a wedding brings.'
Again Hermione let the fact that Ginny was obviously hiding something go. She nodded.
'Don't worry about me. I've made peace with it, I've had to. Life's too short to wallow.'
Ginny nodded. 'I'm glad.'
Hermione took a deep breath and decided to move on from the conversation.
'Do you want some of the mediocre food I'm making for dinner?'
Ginny smiled and recognised the olive branch being offered.
'Hermione you don't know how to do mediocre, and yes, I'll have some, thank you.'
'You have tasted my food, haven't you?'
Ginny nodded. 'I have! Just don't go too heavy on the paprika! I like my face when it's not the same colour as my hair!'
…oooOOOooo…
Ginny’s stress didn't let up, but Hermione was thankful that none of it seemed to be directed towards her. She was surprised that Ginny seemed to be directing a lot of it towards Ron.
She apparated home on Friday evening and collapsed on her bed the instant she materialised in her room. It was a second before the shouts penetrated her ears and her brain worked out what they were. She sat up as quickly as she had collapsed and walked to her door. It was open half an inch and she peered through knowing that whatever was going on was none of her business.
'You can't marry her, Ron!'
Hermione sucked a breath in sharply and adjusted her angle so she could look at Ron.
'What? Gin what the hell are you talking about? Why can't I marry her?'
'Because of what's in there!'
Hermione couldn't see what Ginny was pointing at and by the time she had repositioned herself Ginny had started pacing up and down.
'I… Ginny, I literally have no idea what you're talking about. But what I do know is that I love Mattie and tomorrow she is going to be my wife. Whatever you're seeing in there is all in your head. Mattie thinks it’s brilliant!'
'Wait, Mattie has seen it?'
Ron snorted. 'Of course she has! She was the first to! Is this why you've been stupidly tense this past week?'
'Yes! Of course it bloody has. It's hard walking around with that in your head while trying to be enthusiastic about the thing you don't think should happen!'
'It should and it will happen. Like I said, whatever you're seeing, you're the only one seeing it. I love you, little sister, but I think you need to relax and enjoy this weekend.'
Hermione stepped back from the door and started making obvious 'I'm back from work' noises. She was throwing her shoes onto the floor and shaking her robes onto her bed without thinking because her head was trying to come up with every possible reason why Ginny could think that Ron shouldn't marry Mattie. She came up with nothing before she was shouted from the lounge.
'Hermione?' Ron called.
'I'm here!' she replied, rolling her eyes at herself for her very obvious reply.
She walked out of her room and instantly her eyes fell on the coffee table looking for whatever Ginny might have been pointing at. She didn't find it.
'Hi!' she said, her voice catching slightly.
'How's the case going?' Ron asked, frowning.
Hermione raised her eyebrows at him.
'Oh, sorry, yes. Firstly, how are you, Hermione? Secondly, how's the case going?'
She chuckled and Ron grinned.
'I'm fine, thank you, tired and mentally exhausted, obviously, but thrilled to be working so closely with Christine on all this. And don't worry, the case is strong. There's work to be done on it, of course, but the Auror department did everything right. Their defence will have to look for things other than legal loopholes on this one.'
Ron sighed and exhaled loudly. 'You have no idea how good that is to hear.'
'It's not over until the Wizengamot rules, Ron, don't jinx it by presuming. Presumption is, after all, the mother-'
'-of all fuck ups! Yes, perfectly aware of that.'
Hermione rolled her eyes at Ron's swearing. 'Good.'
They stood in silence. 'I'm going to make a brew, do either of you want one?' Hermione asked as she walked through to the kitchen.
'Nah, I'm good, I only have… ooh bugger! Twenty minutes until Mattie leaves for her parents' house.'
Hermione started pulling jars, boxes and mugs out of the cupboards but she couldn't drown out the conversation.
'Get her to The Burrow on time, yeah? For my sanity, please?'
She watched out of the corner of her eye as Ron gave Ginny a hug.
'I will, as long as you get there early, you hear? Tell Harry I will hex him into oblivion if you're late.'
Ron laughed. 'I'll pass that on.'
She filled the kettle and as she switched it on she heard Ginny walk through to her bedroom. She sensed someone near her and she turned to find Ron leaning on the breakfast bar.
'Thought you were on a timer.'
Ron nodded. 'I am, but I can spare a couple of minutes.'
Hermione chose a cinnamon and cherry fruit tea from her numerous boxes and dropped it in her favourite mug.
'You're going to be there tomorrow, aren't you?'
It was more of a statement than a question but she sensed an edge of uncertainty in his voice.
'I think so.'
Ron stood up straight. 'You think so? What do you mean, you think so?'
'I mean, at the minute, because your mum all but demanded I be there, I'm going…'
'Why is there a 'but' on the tip of your tongue?'
She sighed and the kettle clicked off. She poured the water into her mug and stirred the tea bag around.
'Ron, I…' she took a deep breath. 'I promise you that I intend to be there.'
'You intend to be there? What… what does that mean?'
She turned and faced him. She was shocked that she felt calm as she gazed into his blue eyes.
'It means that if the wedding was in ten minutes then I'd be there, but if I wake up tomorrow morning and can't face it, I have to do what's best for me, despite how much it may make your mother hate me.'
Ron looked at her then nodded. 'That's… sensible. I suppose. I'll admit, if you're not there, I'll be upset. But I understand. If…' he shook his head. Hermione would have bet every galleon she possessed that the sentence should have been 'If the tables were turned then I'd find it hard, too.'
He frowned and started poking at a divot in the chopping board.
'Don't keep her waiting, Ron.'
Ron nodded. 'I'll be optimistic and say I'll see you tomorrow. I really hope I do.'
She smiled and as he gave her the lopsided grin she used to melt at, he turned and disapparated.
As she picked up her mug and sipped at the darkening liquid she snuggled herself into the sofa and stared into space. She wasn't sure if she truly had accepted the way her life had gone or whether she was just numb to it all. She decided that watching her favourite film would help her decide. If she was in tears by the end of it then it was probably acceptance instead of numbness. Probably.
As she pressed play on the remote Ginny came out of her room carrying her Harpies' duffle bag and a paper carrier bag with fancy handles and intricate patterns down the side.
'I'm off. Mattie needs help getting everything to her parents' house that needs to be there. Plus she'll probably be having some sort of meltdown over an insignificant detail right about now so I'm probably needed.'
Hermione smiled and took another sip of her drink. Ginny walked towards her and held out her hand. Hermione took it and smiled.
'I heard what you were saying to Ron. I'll understand if you're there and I'll understand if you're not. Just, keep me posted, yeah? Text me or Floo the Burrow with a message.'
Hermione nodded. 'Will do.'
'Promise me.'
Hermione smiled. 'I promise, if I decide not to go then I'll let you know I've not thrown myself out of the Harpies' dugout instead.' Ginny's face turned to shock. Hermione laughed at the sight. 'I'm joking… I have no idea the spell needed to reveal the door.'
'You're funny! But not!'
'Ginny, go! I'll quote your darling brother and say I'll be optimistic and say I'll see you tomorrow. Have a fun night. Remember that blowing up pillows is a very good stress reliever!'
Finally Ginny smiled. 'I'll remember that. I'll see you tomorrow.'
Ginny disappeared in a whirl of green flames and Hermione turned her focus back to the remote control and her favourite film.
Two hours and seven minutes later tears were streaming down her face. She saw this as a good sign, but when she thought about it, she realised watching a film about a man losing the love of his life was probably not the best idea.
Hindsight was a wonderful thing.
…oooOOOooo…
It was a beautiful September day. The sun was shining and the few leaves that had already succumbed to the ways of Autumn littered the floor perfectly as if each one had been individually placed.
She had woken that morning to the sound of her alarm. After she remembered a very vivid dream - where she had been late to hers and Ron’s wedding because she had slept in and no one was around to help her into her wedding dress or do her hair for her, and he had, because of her lateness, married Lavender instead - and rolled her eyes at her subconscious brain, she had made herself porridge for breakfast and watched the Muggle news channel before finally showering and getting ready for the wedding.
The wedding was at one and true to Molly’s direction she was ready to leave for The Burrow at five to twelve.
As she was about to turn into oblivion she suddenly felt sick. She stopped and covered her mouth as a dry sob caught in her throat. She had thought she was doing well, making sure she thought only of what she was doing and not of what she would be doing later on that day. She had specifically not thought about what would be occurring that afternoon but apparently now her brain couldn't ignore it any more.
She breathed deeply and swallowed hard against whatever was trying escape from inside her. Bitterness burned against her tongue and she closed her eyes against the tears she knew were trying to force their way out. She kept her hand clamped over her mouth and forced herself to breathe slowly.
She hated it. Hated that this whole situation could floor her in an instant and have her needing to be sick and cry uncontrollably. But she also hated that she was forcing herself to calm down because she had to watch him become someone else's and leave her world forever. Because as soon as he said 'I do', it ended; she would not be that person.
As her heart rate slowed the nausea subsided and she opened her eyes. Stars popped in her vision but faded as she took a few more deep breaths.
Stop it! she said to herself, her teeth gritted. 'You are going. Breathe, head up, go!'
Before her mind could wander again she turned on the spot and disapparated.
When she materialised in the garden at the Burrow she took a second just to feel the sun on her face and to inhale the scent of a place she loved. After a few seconds unfamiliar noises reached her ears and with a deep breath she opened her eyes and turned around towards the house.
She had missed The Burrow. It used to feel like home but now she felt strange coming here. She could count on one hand the number of times she had been here since she moved back home. If she admitted it to herself she was a bit ashamed of her lack of appearances, but she just… didn't feel like she belonged anymore. Mattie belonged here now and was about to become family proper. Hermione would only ever be classed as 'a friend'.
'Knut for your thoughts.'
She smiled as she recognised Neville's voice. She turned her head towards him and he grinned at her before hugging her and kissing her on the cheek.
'If I did I'd be rich from this morning alone.'
Neville nodded and smiled.
‘Why do I get the feeling you really don’t want to be here?’ he asked quietly.
‘Because, honestly, as much as I’m determined to see this through and I promised myself I would let Ron go as long as he was happy, every second of this day is like a stab to my heart.’
She glanced at Neville and he looked uncomfortable.
‘Sorry… that was a bit melodramatic,’ she smiled and he relaxed a bit.
‘Honestly, if I was you, I’d be as far from here as possible. At least there’s only a few people who know how you feel. Unless of course you run out the marquee while it’s all going on. That might give it away.’
‘Well, you don’t have to worry about that, I’ll just be sitting and watching.’
‘I think you’re brilliant, Hermione. I just wanted you to know. I think you’re classy and graceful and generous, but no one who matters will think any less of you if you walk away.’
‘Ron will,’ she replied as she looked towards the Burrow.
‘He’d be disappointed, yes, but he wouldn’t think any less of you.’
She nodded and Neville gave her another hug.
‘I best go and look like I’m doing something important before I’m told to do some ushering. I’ll see you later.’
‘See you later,’ she replied.
‘So, Granger, how about you knock some Firewhisky back so this wedding becomes interesting.’
She turned around to see Seamus, Lavender, Hannah and Quintus walking towards her. She raised her eyebrows at Seamus who was holding out the bottle to her. She was about to respond when Seamus cut her off.
‘Now, don’t stand there an’ start denying you don’t still love him, and luckily for you I have a plan!’
‘Oh, God, what time did you start drinking, Seamus?’ she asked.
Quintus gave her a hug and she turned back to Seamus.
‘That’s neither here ner there! Now, listen, I say we hex Mattie - even though she’s a top girl - then you can get in the wedding dress, Ron won’t have a clue what’s going on until he lifts the veil and then you’re good to go!’
'Oh really!' she replied with a laugh. 'And then what? I just stand there and hope he doesn't notice that his fiancée has been swapped for his ex-girlfriend?'
Seamus started unscrewing the top off the bottle of whiskey.
'Okay, well if you don't think that will work, how about you just wait until everyone is asked if there is any known reason why the two of 'em shouldn't be married, that's yer cue, Hermione!'
Lavender snorted.
'Or, how's this?' Hermione asked, shaking her head as Seamus held out the bottle to her. 'Hermione puts on nice, pretty robes, Hermione watches her best friend get married and then, Hermione has a couple of drinks and maybe a dance afterwards.'
'What Hermione actually means by that is,' Lavender started with a smirk on her face, 'Hermione has too much to drink and finds a nice boy to have meaningless sex with!'
Hermione stared at Lavender who grinned at her. Everyone else in the group laughed.
‘Hermione,’ Seamus said as he took a few steps towards her, ‘did I say how pretty you looked today?’
Hermione snorted. ‘Thanks, I think!’
‘We best head in, see if we can be of any help,’ Hannah said.
‘I’ll be in in a minute,’ Hermione replied.
Seamus took her hand and squeezed it as he passed her and her earlier irritation died. Seamus was only trying to make her feel better, even though his methods were a little extreme.
‘So, on a scale of one to ten, with one being perfectly content and happy and ten being your brain is about to dribble out of your ears, where are you?’
She smiled and turned to Quintus. She held her arms open and he stepped into them and she relaxed into a hug.
‘About a six and a half, although before all that I think I was a three so I could be better!’
‘You know what I said the other night? Well it applies today, too.'
Hermione frowned and thought back. 'Oh, was that when you said emotional blackmail could go fuck itself if it meant my sanity remained intact?'
She felt Quintus's chest rumble with his laughter. 'That's the one.'
'Don't worry, Neville's already reminded me that I should leave as and when I need to as opposed to when I think other people would expect me to leave.'
'Sometimes you think way too much, you know.'
'Probably, but there's not a lot I can do about it.'
'True,' Quintus replied, 'but, I like you when you're sane so if you could take care of yourself it would be much appreciated!'
She stepped out of his arms and smiled. 'You never know, you might like the insane version of me!'
'Well, I don't want to watch your brain dribbling out your ears so if you could spare me that…'
Hermione laughed and relaxed a little. 'I'll try.'
~~~
She was quite shocked at how many people she had managed to avoid in the last hour. Molly had made a passing remark about how Hermione had originally said she would be there earlier but Hermione let it go with a non-committal shrug and a smile. Thankfully Molly was too busy to pursue the conversation further so it wasn't much of an issue and Hermione managed to make herself look busy to stop her being bothered by anyone else. George gave her a smile and a wink while walking through the grounds with a huge box which she could only presume held some sort of surprise for after - or during - the ceremony.
As she took a pile of napkins into the marquee (for what she wasn't entirely sure, she was just following orders, and apparently they were needed instantly because a harassed looking waiter grabbed them out of her hands as soon as she had walked in) she was very surprised to see that guests were already being seated. Hermione looked around and when, as she did so, she caught three curious glances from varying people, she left the marquee as quickly as possible. She had no idea where Quintus had disappeared off to, she thought she heard him mention the orchard at one point but she couldn't be entirely sure.
Quickly she headed back to the Burrow. She heard several more cracks of apparition as she hurried and a group of people who she vaguely recognised from a previous Weasley wedding nearly ran her over as she reached the kitchen door. She veered to the right and followed the curve of the kitchen wall before nipping around the corner and leaning against the wall.
'Looking for someone or hiding?' she jumped at the voice and her heart leaped into her mouth when she saw Ron standing in his robes in front of her. Her well-practiced smile spread across her face and she giggled for no apparent reason.
She suppressed what she could only imagine were nervous giggles and turned towards Ron.
‘Just avoiding the crowds, really. I only just avoided getting crushed in a stampede!’
Ron smiled. Silence fell between them and she chanced a quick look at him. Instantly she wished she hadn’t, she’d never seen him look so handsome. Ron looked up and caught her staring.
‘What?’
Hermione shook her head. ‘Nothing. I was just thinking how handsome you look.’
‘I look like a penguin!’ Ron replied.
Hermione smiled. ‘No, you don’t. You look great.’
She realised she hadn’t actually looked at his face in the minutes they’d been talking. Knowing Ron he had probably noticed it, too. She took a deep breath and looked at him. She couldn’t help but giggle.
‘What?’ Ron asked again.
She opened her small bag and pulled out a tissue.
‘You’ve got dirt on your nose, by the way, did you know?’
‘I-’ he rubbed at his nose and looked at her in disbelief.
‘Come here,’ she said and he walked towards her. She licked the tissue and started rubbing at the smudge. After a few rubs it had disappeared. He chuckled as she worked.
‘I wouldn’t care but I’ve been so careful to stay clean!’
‘I’m sure you have. Good thing I caught you before Molly did.’
Ron laughed. An awkward silence filled the space between them and Hermione busied herself with putting the tissue back in her bag. When she turned back to Ron he was looking at her.
She knew Ron too well to not know that he was trying to find the words he needed to say something important to him. She also knew that she probably wasn’t strong enough to listen to whatever it was. She smiled and walked up to him and gave him a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek.
‘Have a perfect day, Ron, enjoy every second.’
She beamed at him and then turned to walk away. Part of her wanted him to stop her and say what he wanted to, but when he didn’t she just carried on walking towards the marquee.
She’d had every intention to find a seat right at the back and in the furthest corner from everything that would be going on. But just as she spotted it she felt a hand on her arm.
‘Don’t you dare hide away in the corner, you’re sitting with us.’
She relaxed when she realised it was Quintus who had grabbed her arm and when she looked up to where she was being directed, Lavender turned and waved them both over. She side stepped along the row of chairs and she was very sure Seamus’s hand lingered on her arse longer than was absolutely necessary as she shuffled past him, but she just chuckled to herself and sat next to Lavender. Quintus took the seat to her right.
‘Remember, Hermione,’ Seamus whispered as he leant over Quintus, ‘if you change yer mind abou’… what we said before, you know,’ he winked and she raised her eyebrows at him, ‘I’ve got yer back, all right?’
Hermione shook her head but smiled.
‘Thank you, Seamus, I’ll bear that in mind.’
She leant back in her chair and closed her eyes.
‘Just so you know,’ Lavender said. Hermione opened her eyes and turned towards her, ‘this story doesn’t end here. You may think it might, but I just… call me insane if you want to, but I just have a feeling there’s more to all this.’
‘Oh, Lavender, this all needs to end today. And it will, as soon as he says ‘I do’ I’m done. In fact, I’m done already. I will not be someone who follows a married man around, for my own sanity if not for pure decency’s sake.’
‘I’m not saying you would have anything to do with whatever might or might not happen, I’m just saying, this isn’t how this ends.’
Hermione wanted to say something to once again reiterate her point, but she could tell it was pointless.
Quintus leant into her and she tilted her head to the right.
‘Just thought I should let you know, should you think Lavender’s idea of having meaningless sex with a nice boy is a good idea, I am entirely available!’
Hermione was thankful she hadn’t taken a glass of champagne as she entered the tent, had she been drinking it the entire glass would now be in her lungs and she would be making a large scene. As it was she just coughed lightly and tried to stop the laughter that was bubbling inside her.
‘Er… thank you, Quintus… I think.’
‘Just thought you should know all your options.’
‘Again, thank you, I think!’
'Always happy to help!'
'I'm sure you would be!'
She turned her attention back to the marquee and she took in the decorations and the faces of the guests and the lighting and all the details she felt she should be looking at.
She noticed Harry and Ron walking to the front and grin at each other and she couldn’t help but smile. She was surprised at how calm she felt but she didn’t know how long it would last.
After a couple of minutes the same wizard who officiated at Bill and Fleur’s wedding walked up to the front of the marquee and asked everybody to stand for the bride.
Hermione vaguely recognised the music that had begun playing but couldn’t put a name to the song. She turned and watched as Mattie started to walk down the aisle. Hermione was momentarily surprised to not see a father figure accompanying her but then she remembered a conversation she had with Ginny what seemed like years ago but was only a few months previous. Mattie’s father had been killed when she was five in a work accident and in the war her mother had been one of those who had just disappeared with no trace. She still had family, aunts and uncles, and they were in the crowd, but apparently Mattie had decided to do this particular trip alone.
Hermione couldn’t help but smile at Mattie as she walked; she did look beautiful, but her mind wandered and dreamed that it was her making those same steps. Before her imagination could torture her even more she concentrated on just watching and not thinking so much.
Mattie reached the front and Ron beamed at her. He bent and gave her a kiss on the cheek before taking her hands and shuffling to where he’d obviously been instructed to stand.
She continued to watch and to listen to the wizard talk about friendship and love and other things that made the wall around her heart crumble to dust, but still she smiled and still she did nothing but watch.
‘If anyone here does know of any reason why these two should not be joined in matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.’
She was half startled when the words found her ears and for a second she saw herself stand up and tell Ron it should be her he should be marrying. But she didn't; still she sat and watched. Seamus seemed to sag in his seat when the wizard started talking again and she had to inwardly roll her eyes at him. It almost brought a smile to her face.
‘Do you, Ronald Bilius Weasley take Matilda Lauren Fergusson to be your wife?’
‘I do.’
Tears burned her eyes and it took every ounce of strength she had to stop them falling and to not turn and sob into Lavender’s shoulder. She must have moved or given some indication that she was far from okay because Lavender took hold of her hand and squeezed it tightly. After a second Quintus did the same. Their act of kindness sent tears falling from her eyes and she bent her head so as to not let anyone else know she was upset.
She heard the words the wizard was saying but they didn’t sink in. She supposed her mind was shutting off to what was hurting her and she wasn’t complaining.
‘Do you, Matilda Lauren Fergusson take Ronald Bilius Weasley to be your husband?’
Hermione took the tissue Lavender was subtly handing her and waited for Mattie to make her vows. She wiped her eyes and was glad she had chosen charmed mascara that morning when getting ready.
‘You’ve got… dirt… on your nose…’
Hermione lifted her head sharply towards the front and stared at Mattie. She looked at Ron who was frowning but with a small smile on his face. Everyone had gone silent and Hermione was thankful as it meant that although Mattie wasn’t projecting to her audience every word could still be heard.
‘The first words she said to him. You’ve got dirt on your nose, did you know?’
Ron frowned again. ‘Er, Mattie, I know you love my book, but this isn’t really the time to discuss it.’
Mattie shook her head. Hermione could hardly breathe as she watched whatever bizarre thing was unfolding in front of her. Why was Mattie quoting her in the middle of her wedding ceremony and why was Ron talking about his book? Something of a memory stirred in her mind but she had no idea where from and before she could start to pin it down it disappeared.
‘Are you okay?’ Ron asked Mattie, smiling as he did trying to get things back on track.
‘How could I have forgotten?’ Mattie said with a smirk, her words louder than before.
‘Mattie, please, tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it and we can get married, please!’
Hermione could see Ron was starting to panic, and she could hardly blame him, she had, too.
‘The first time you met Hermione was on the train to Hogwarts, at the end of that journey she told you, you had dirt on your nose. It’s your hero’s one and only tie to your heroine and he spends a lifetime on a train searching for her.’
‘Mattie, it’s just a book, it’s fiction! I love you and I want to marry you here and now.’
'He spends his life searching for the one person who, in one journey, in a few conversations, gives him inspiration and a reason for living!
Ron shook his head. 'It's fiction!'
Mattie shook her head. ‘Except that it's not. I’m sorry, Ron, I can’t marry you. I’m so sorry.’
She turned and ran out of the marquee. Every head turned and followed her out except Hermione’s. She watched as Ron stared at the girl he loved as she ran away from him. She watched as his heart broke in front of every person he loved. She watched as his legs went from underneath him and he landed heavily on his chair. She watched as his whole world dissolved into chaos.
Confusion didn't even cover it. Devastation did. Tears burned her eyes once more, but this time they didn’t fall for her and her heartbreak, they fell for Ron and his.
~~~
Apparently no one but Ginny fully understood what had happened or why Mattie had suddenly got the most serious of cases of cold feet, and she had made herself invisible or gone to find Mattie or Ron or something similar.
Guests had awkwardly left the marquee and apparated away but Ron’s friends tried to help in some way before he suddenly took off with a promise to find Mattie and talk her round.
Hermione had never felt so terrible.
As everyone left the marquee she had gone and sat in the chair she originally wanted to watch the wedding from. She was thankful of the silence having been hounded by whispers and hushed voices for the past half an hour.
She had had to watch from the sidelines, this was something she couldn't be involved in. At one point Harry had looked at her and seemed to ask in one look for help, but she had looked right back and tried to ask how she could help in one shake of the head and a shrug. He seemed to understand and nodded once before turning back to his best friend and still not knowing what to do to help.
But now she was alone. Until Lavender Brown sat next to her.
'Did I ever tell you about the girl who got everything she ever wanted?'
Hermione looked at her and blinked. 'Did she feel horrible?'
'Yeah, but only because she's kind and loving. And then she fixed her face, straightened her dress and went and got the boy she loved.'
Hermione closed her eyes and played the scene over in her head that refused to leave her mind.
'He said 'I do', Lavender. He said he would love and cherish and honour and obey and he said 'I do'.'
'Oh, wench you need to stop that!' Hermione raised her eyebrows and turned to Lavender. 'Okay, Hermione, look, I may give the impression that I love flitting between boys and having meaningless sex with the ones who annoy me the least, but do you know what? It's all nothing compared to what you and Ron had. I've told you this before and I will tell you this every single day of my life if that's what it takes. I was a blip in the Ron, Hermione story. As much as Mattie is a lovely girl, she wasn't supposed to be here today. She realised it and all the rest of us are waiting for is you and Ron to realise it, too.'
Hermione closed her eyes.
'So what do you suggest I do, Lavender? What's your pearl of wisdom in this situation? Ron is heartbroken and all I'm going to do every time he sees me is remind him of that fact. I may not have done it at an altar but I broke his heart first. And do you know what? I want to be that person that he goes to. I want to be the person whose shoulder he cries on when the pain gets too much for him to keep inside but I can't be, because I am the first bad memory and worse than that, everything I do will be seen as something being done to wheedle myself back into his heart. As much as watching him get married was my worst nightmare, I think I'm about to live through a worse one.'
Lavender put her hand on Hermione's and smiled.
'Hermione, you'll never have to wheedle your way back into his heart.' She stood and turned to leave the marquee. 'He never let you out.'
For: queenb23more who bid for this on the help_chile community.
Chapter Rating: T
Chapter Warnings: Angst, but in a good way!
Featured Characters/Pairings: Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Harry, OFC, Ron/OFC, Ron/Hermione
Chapter Word Count: 6,945
Summary: Hermione's life is not what she expected it to be and she doesn't know how to change it. Will moving back to what she knows help? Or if she pinning all her hopes on a dream that ended years before?
Author's Note: So. Much. Fun. To. Write.
Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11
Recollection
She would be glad when this wedding was over, and not for the obvious reasons. People panicked when it came to weddings, whether there was reason to or not. What worried her was that one of the people who she knew generally coped well with pressure seemed the most highly strung of everybody.
Ginny was on edge, and that was understating her mood. Hermione could pinpoint the exact time that she had started to stress out: it was two days ago when Hermione had had to apparate home because the connection to the Floo at Ginny's flat was blocked. She had arrived in the lounge and hadn't been surprised to see all of Ginny but her head knelt in front of the green flames.
She could tell from the way her arms were flying about everywhere that she was agitated and probably shouting at whoever was on the other end of the Floo connection. She hoped it wasn't Harry; like Mattie, she was done with that confrontation.
She walked through to the kitchen and started pulling various things out of the cupboards, determined for once to make herself a meal from scratch, or at least most of it. She was home at a reasonable time from work and was making an effort. She had made a conscious decision to give herself more time just to relax, but still working hard to advance her career.
So the cooking started and after ten more minutes of Ginny wildly gesturing she removed herself from the fire.
'Ah! Shit! Fuck! Bollocks! Cushioning charms my arse!'
'They do have a tendency to wear off you know!' she said, trying not to laugh.
Ginny spun round at Hermione's voice, obviously not having realised that she had arrived home.
'What are you doing here?' she asked, her tone harsh.
'Um, you said I could live here, Gin,' she replied as she concentrated on her sauce that was simmering in the pan. She pointed her wand at it and the sauce stirred slowly.
'I meant what are you doing here now? It's barely six, shouldn't you be slaving away at your desk or something?'
Hermione frowned at Ginny's tone, it wasn't nasty but it wasn't joking or happy either. She tapped her wand on the cooker and the heat reduced under the sauce. She turned and looked at Ginny.
'Gin, what's wrong?'
'What? Why would anything be wrong?' Ginny bent and took a bound stack of parchment off the coffee table and hugged it to her chest.
'Because you're snapping at me for no reason. Unless of course in the last minute I've done something to irritate you, which I will apologise for if you let me know what that is.'
Ginny took a deep breath and looked like she wanted to say something. She swallowed whatever was on the tip of her tongue and straightened up.
'No, you've not done anything. Sorry.' She turned and walked towards her room. Hermione followed her.
'Ginny!' she half shouted. She knew something was bothering Ginny a lot and she wanted to get to the bottom of it. She wasn't as bad as Ron for bottling things up, but she did do it on occasion.
'What did you expect to happen that night?' Ginny asked as she turned to face her.
Hermione frowned. 'Gin… what?'
'The night of the Ministry function I arrived late to, you kissed Ron. Don't try and deny it, I saw you. What did you think would happen? That he would instantly realise that his life with Mattie was a lie and that you would have your happily ever after that you walked away from two years earlier?'
She paused for breath but Hermione cut her off before she had chance to continue.
'Yes!' she replied simply.
She could practically see the wind being knocked out of Ginny's sails at her admission.
'I tried to convince myself - and everyone else - that I came home because I just wanted to be home, but I came home because I wanted to be with Ron and live the happily ever I had always dreamt of. Someone… someone convinced me to fight for him and I tried! That night I tried. I kissed him and I told him that I loved him and wanted him and I needed him.'
Ginny stared at her but seemed lost for words.
'I waited… I waited for him to stand there and tell me that he loved me too, and when he kissed me I thought my dreams were coming true. But instead of saying 'I love you too, Hermione' or, 'say you'll marry me, Hermione' he said 'I have to go and talk to Mattie'. I was foolish enough to believe that he was changing his mind, but all he was doing was realising that kissing me was nothing compared to kissing her, because in the next twenty minutes he had asked her to marry him. And unlike me - the witch who is supposed to be pretty damn intelligent but couldn't see past her own insecurities - she said yes.'
Ginny dropped her gaze to the floor.
'Does that answer your question?'
She felt tears burn her eyes and before they fell she turned and walked back towards the kitchen.
'Wait!' Ginny said and Hermione stopped. She wiped the tears off her cheeks that had fallen and waited for Ginny to start talking without turning to her friend.
'Does Mattie know?' Hermione demanded not letting Ginny start was she was about to say.
'No… she doesn't. Ron told Harry and Harry hit him.'
Hermione couldn't help but turn and stare at Ginny.
'Not hit him, hit him… this is Harry after all… He just shoved him a bit and punched him in the arm.'
'But no one's told Mattie,' Hermione asked again.
'I should do, you know, she's my friend.'
'I'm your friend, Gin,' she replied without thinking.
Ginny nodded. 'I know! You're my best friend, and Ron's my brother and I love you both, but you've both been stupid and I don't know what to do!'
'Just don't tell her, please. Like you said, we were both stupid and she doesn't deserve to be hurt. Ron made his choice and he's marrying her. There's no need to throw a spanner in the works, it'll only cause hurt.'
Ginny nodded but avoided Hermione's gaze. Hermione knew there was still something bothering Ginny but she didn't push for answers.
'Tell me you've made peace with all this,' Ginny said quietly.
Hermione smirked and turned to Ginny. 'Why does it matter if I've made peace with the mess that I am ultimately responsible for? No one should be bothering about me and how I'm feeling. Everyone needs to focus on Ron and Mattie, this is their time.'
'I'm bothered about you.'
'Bothered about me or that I'll try and mess up this wedding with declarations of love around the time Ron's about to say 'I do'.'
Ginny sighed and looked exhausted.
'I'm not worried about that; you're too much of a good person to ever do that. But I'll say it again, I'm bothered about you and how you're dealing with all this.'
'You have to admit accosting me was a funny way of showing it.'
Ginny managed half a smile and nodded.
'I'm sorry. That was uncalled for, I'm just… stressed with all the ridiculousness a wedding brings.'
Again Hermione let the fact that Ginny was obviously hiding something go. She nodded.
'Don't worry about me. I've made peace with it, I've had to. Life's too short to wallow.'
Ginny nodded. 'I'm glad.'
Hermione took a deep breath and decided to move on from the conversation.
'Do you want some of the mediocre food I'm making for dinner?'
Ginny smiled and recognised the olive branch being offered.
'Hermione you don't know how to do mediocre, and yes, I'll have some, thank you.'
'You have tasted my food, haven't you?'
Ginny nodded. 'I have! Just don't go too heavy on the paprika! I like my face when it's not the same colour as my hair!'
…oooOOOooo…
Ginny’s stress didn't let up, but Hermione was thankful that none of it seemed to be directed towards her. She was surprised that Ginny seemed to be directing a lot of it towards Ron.
She apparated home on Friday evening and collapsed on her bed the instant she materialised in her room. It was a second before the shouts penetrated her ears and her brain worked out what they were. She sat up as quickly as she had collapsed and walked to her door. It was open half an inch and she peered through knowing that whatever was going on was none of her business.
'You can't marry her, Ron!'
Hermione sucked a breath in sharply and adjusted her angle so she could look at Ron.
'What? Gin what the hell are you talking about? Why can't I marry her?'
'Because of what's in there!'
Hermione couldn't see what Ginny was pointing at and by the time she had repositioned herself Ginny had started pacing up and down.
'I… Ginny, I literally have no idea what you're talking about. But what I do know is that I love Mattie and tomorrow she is going to be my wife. Whatever you're seeing in there is all in your head. Mattie thinks it’s brilliant!'
'Wait, Mattie has seen it?'
Ron snorted. 'Of course she has! She was the first to! Is this why you've been stupidly tense this past week?'
'Yes! Of course it bloody has. It's hard walking around with that in your head while trying to be enthusiastic about the thing you don't think should happen!'
'It should and it will happen. Like I said, whatever you're seeing, you're the only one seeing it. I love you, little sister, but I think you need to relax and enjoy this weekend.'
Hermione stepped back from the door and started making obvious 'I'm back from work' noises. She was throwing her shoes onto the floor and shaking her robes onto her bed without thinking because her head was trying to come up with every possible reason why Ginny could think that Ron shouldn't marry Mattie. She came up with nothing before she was shouted from the lounge.
'Hermione?' Ron called.
'I'm here!' she replied, rolling her eyes at herself for her very obvious reply.
She walked out of her room and instantly her eyes fell on the coffee table looking for whatever Ginny might have been pointing at. She didn't find it.
'Hi!' she said, her voice catching slightly.
'How's the case going?' Ron asked, frowning.
Hermione raised her eyebrows at him.
'Oh, sorry, yes. Firstly, how are you, Hermione? Secondly, how's the case going?'
She chuckled and Ron grinned.
'I'm fine, thank you, tired and mentally exhausted, obviously, but thrilled to be working so closely with Christine on all this. And don't worry, the case is strong. There's work to be done on it, of course, but the Auror department did everything right. Their defence will have to look for things other than legal loopholes on this one.'
Ron sighed and exhaled loudly. 'You have no idea how good that is to hear.'
'It's not over until the Wizengamot rules, Ron, don't jinx it by presuming. Presumption is, after all, the mother-'
'-of all fuck ups! Yes, perfectly aware of that.'
Hermione rolled her eyes at Ron's swearing. 'Good.'
They stood in silence. 'I'm going to make a brew, do either of you want one?' Hermione asked as she walked through to the kitchen.
'Nah, I'm good, I only have… ooh bugger! Twenty minutes until Mattie leaves for her parents' house.'
Hermione started pulling jars, boxes and mugs out of the cupboards but she couldn't drown out the conversation.
'Get her to The Burrow on time, yeah? For my sanity, please?'
She watched out of the corner of her eye as Ron gave Ginny a hug.
'I will, as long as you get there early, you hear? Tell Harry I will hex him into oblivion if you're late.'
Ron laughed. 'I'll pass that on.'
She filled the kettle and as she switched it on she heard Ginny walk through to her bedroom. She sensed someone near her and she turned to find Ron leaning on the breakfast bar.
'Thought you were on a timer.'
Ron nodded. 'I am, but I can spare a couple of minutes.'
Hermione chose a cinnamon and cherry fruit tea from her numerous boxes and dropped it in her favourite mug.
'You're going to be there tomorrow, aren't you?'
It was more of a statement than a question but she sensed an edge of uncertainty in his voice.
'I think so.'
Ron stood up straight. 'You think so? What do you mean, you think so?'
'I mean, at the minute, because your mum all but demanded I be there, I'm going…'
'Why is there a 'but' on the tip of your tongue?'
She sighed and the kettle clicked off. She poured the water into her mug and stirred the tea bag around.
'Ron, I…' she took a deep breath. 'I promise you that I intend to be there.'
'You intend to be there? What… what does that mean?'
She turned and faced him. She was shocked that she felt calm as she gazed into his blue eyes.
'It means that if the wedding was in ten minutes then I'd be there, but if I wake up tomorrow morning and can't face it, I have to do what's best for me, despite how much it may make your mother hate me.'
Ron looked at her then nodded. 'That's… sensible. I suppose. I'll admit, if you're not there, I'll be upset. But I understand. If…' he shook his head. Hermione would have bet every galleon she possessed that the sentence should have been 'If the tables were turned then I'd find it hard, too.'
He frowned and started poking at a divot in the chopping board.
'Don't keep her waiting, Ron.'
Ron nodded. 'I'll be optimistic and say I'll see you tomorrow. I really hope I do.'
She smiled and as he gave her the lopsided grin she used to melt at, he turned and disapparated.
As she picked up her mug and sipped at the darkening liquid she snuggled herself into the sofa and stared into space. She wasn't sure if she truly had accepted the way her life had gone or whether she was just numb to it all. She decided that watching her favourite film would help her decide. If she was in tears by the end of it then it was probably acceptance instead of numbness. Probably.
As she pressed play on the remote Ginny came out of her room carrying her Harpies' duffle bag and a paper carrier bag with fancy handles and intricate patterns down the side.
'I'm off. Mattie needs help getting everything to her parents' house that needs to be there. Plus she'll probably be having some sort of meltdown over an insignificant detail right about now so I'm probably needed.'
Hermione smiled and took another sip of her drink. Ginny walked towards her and held out her hand. Hermione took it and smiled.
'I heard what you were saying to Ron. I'll understand if you're there and I'll understand if you're not. Just, keep me posted, yeah? Text me or Floo the Burrow with a message.'
Hermione nodded. 'Will do.'
'Promise me.'
Hermione smiled. 'I promise, if I decide not to go then I'll let you know I've not thrown myself out of the Harpies' dugout instead.' Ginny's face turned to shock. Hermione laughed at the sight. 'I'm joking… I have no idea the spell needed to reveal the door.'
'You're funny! But not!'
'Ginny, go! I'll quote your darling brother and say I'll be optimistic and say I'll see you tomorrow. Have a fun night. Remember that blowing up pillows is a very good stress reliever!'
Finally Ginny smiled. 'I'll remember that. I'll see you tomorrow.'
Ginny disappeared in a whirl of green flames and Hermione turned her focus back to the remote control and her favourite film.
Two hours and seven minutes later tears were streaming down her face. She saw this as a good sign, but when she thought about it, she realised watching a film about a man losing the love of his life was probably not the best idea.
Hindsight was a wonderful thing.
…oooOOOooo…
It was a beautiful September day. The sun was shining and the few leaves that had already succumbed to the ways of Autumn littered the floor perfectly as if each one had been individually placed.
She had woken that morning to the sound of her alarm. After she remembered a very vivid dream - where she had been late to hers and Ron’s wedding because she had slept in and no one was around to help her into her wedding dress or do her hair for her, and he had, because of her lateness, married Lavender instead - and rolled her eyes at her subconscious brain, she had made herself porridge for breakfast and watched the Muggle news channel before finally showering and getting ready for the wedding.
The wedding was at one and true to Molly’s direction she was ready to leave for The Burrow at five to twelve.
As she was about to turn into oblivion she suddenly felt sick. She stopped and covered her mouth as a dry sob caught in her throat. She had thought she was doing well, making sure she thought only of what she was doing and not of what she would be doing later on that day. She had specifically not thought about what would be occurring that afternoon but apparently now her brain couldn't ignore it any more.
She breathed deeply and swallowed hard against whatever was trying escape from inside her. Bitterness burned against her tongue and she closed her eyes against the tears she knew were trying to force their way out. She kept her hand clamped over her mouth and forced herself to breathe slowly.
She hated it. Hated that this whole situation could floor her in an instant and have her needing to be sick and cry uncontrollably. But she also hated that she was forcing herself to calm down because she had to watch him become someone else's and leave her world forever. Because as soon as he said 'I do', it ended; she would not be that person.
As her heart rate slowed the nausea subsided and she opened her eyes. Stars popped in her vision but faded as she took a few more deep breaths.
Stop it! she said to herself, her teeth gritted. 'You are going. Breathe, head up, go!'
Before her mind could wander again she turned on the spot and disapparated.
When she materialised in the garden at the Burrow she took a second just to feel the sun on her face and to inhale the scent of a place she loved. After a few seconds unfamiliar noises reached her ears and with a deep breath she opened her eyes and turned around towards the house.
She had missed The Burrow. It used to feel like home but now she felt strange coming here. She could count on one hand the number of times she had been here since she moved back home. If she admitted it to herself she was a bit ashamed of her lack of appearances, but she just… didn't feel like she belonged anymore. Mattie belonged here now and was about to become family proper. Hermione would only ever be classed as 'a friend'.
'Knut for your thoughts.'
She smiled as she recognised Neville's voice. She turned her head towards him and he grinned at her before hugging her and kissing her on the cheek.
'If I did I'd be rich from this morning alone.'
Neville nodded and smiled.
‘Why do I get the feeling you really don’t want to be here?’ he asked quietly.
‘Because, honestly, as much as I’m determined to see this through and I promised myself I would let Ron go as long as he was happy, every second of this day is like a stab to my heart.’
She glanced at Neville and he looked uncomfortable.
‘Sorry… that was a bit melodramatic,’ she smiled and he relaxed a bit.
‘Honestly, if I was you, I’d be as far from here as possible. At least there’s only a few people who know how you feel. Unless of course you run out the marquee while it’s all going on. That might give it away.’
‘Well, you don’t have to worry about that, I’ll just be sitting and watching.’
‘I think you’re brilliant, Hermione. I just wanted you to know. I think you’re classy and graceful and generous, but no one who matters will think any less of you if you walk away.’
‘Ron will,’ she replied as she looked towards the Burrow.
‘He’d be disappointed, yes, but he wouldn’t think any less of you.’
She nodded and Neville gave her another hug.
‘I best go and look like I’m doing something important before I’m told to do some ushering. I’ll see you later.’
‘See you later,’ she replied.
‘So, Granger, how about you knock some Firewhisky back so this wedding becomes interesting.’
She turned around to see Seamus, Lavender, Hannah and Quintus walking towards her. She raised her eyebrows at Seamus who was holding out the bottle to her. She was about to respond when Seamus cut her off.
‘Now, don’t stand there an’ start denying you don’t still love him, and luckily for you I have a plan!’
‘Oh, God, what time did you start drinking, Seamus?’ she asked.
Quintus gave her a hug and she turned back to Seamus.
‘That’s neither here ner there! Now, listen, I say we hex Mattie - even though she’s a top girl - then you can get in the wedding dress, Ron won’t have a clue what’s going on until he lifts the veil and then you’re good to go!’
'Oh really!' she replied with a laugh. 'And then what? I just stand there and hope he doesn't notice that his fiancée has been swapped for his ex-girlfriend?'
Seamus started unscrewing the top off the bottle of whiskey.
'Okay, well if you don't think that will work, how about you just wait until everyone is asked if there is any known reason why the two of 'em shouldn't be married, that's yer cue, Hermione!'
Lavender snorted.
'Or, how's this?' Hermione asked, shaking her head as Seamus held out the bottle to her. 'Hermione puts on nice, pretty robes, Hermione watches her best friend get married and then, Hermione has a couple of drinks and maybe a dance afterwards.'
'What Hermione actually means by that is,' Lavender started with a smirk on her face, 'Hermione has too much to drink and finds a nice boy to have meaningless sex with!'
Hermione stared at Lavender who grinned at her. Everyone else in the group laughed.
‘Hermione,’ Seamus said as he took a few steps towards her, ‘did I say how pretty you looked today?’
Hermione snorted. ‘Thanks, I think!’
‘We best head in, see if we can be of any help,’ Hannah said.
‘I’ll be in in a minute,’ Hermione replied.
Seamus took her hand and squeezed it as he passed her and her earlier irritation died. Seamus was only trying to make her feel better, even though his methods were a little extreme.
‘So, on a scale of one to ten, with one being perfectly content and happy and ten being your brain is about to dribble out of your ears, where are you?’
She smiled and turned to Quintus. She held her arms open and he stepped into them and she relaxed into a hug.
‘About a six and a half, although before all that I think I was a three so I could be better!’
‘You know what I said the other night? Well it applies today, too.'
Hermione frowned and thought back. 'Oh, was that when you said emotional blackmail could go fuck itself if it meant my sanity remained intact?'
She felt Quintus's chest rumble with his laughter. 'That's the one.'
'Don't worry, Neville's already reminded me that I should leave as and when I need to as opposed to when I think other people would expect me to leave.'
'Sometimes you think way too much, you know.'
'Probably, but there's not a lot I can do about it.'
'True,' Quintus replied, 'but, I like you when you're sane so if you could take care of yourself it would be much appreciated!'
She stepped out of his arms and smiled. 'You never know, you might like the insane version of me!'
'Well, I don't want to watch your brain dribbling out your ears so if you could spare me that…'
Hermione laughed and relaxed a little. 'I'll try.'
~~~
She was quite shocked at how many people she had managed to avoid in the last hour. Molly had made a passing remark about how Hermione had originally said she would be there earlier but Hermione let it go with a non-committal shrug and a smile. Thankfully Molly was too busy to pursue the conversation further so it wasn't much of an issue and Hermione managed to make herself look busy to stop her being bothered by anyone else. George gave her a smile and a wink while walking through the grounds with a huge box which she could only presume held some sort of surprise for after - or during - the ceremony.
As she took a pile of napkins into the marquee (for what she wasn't entirely sure, she was just following orders, and apparently they were needed instantly because a harassed looking waiter grabbed them out of her hands as soon as she had walked in) she was very surprised to see that guests were already being seated. Hermione looked around and when, as she did so, she caught three curious glances from varying people, she left the marquee as quickly as possible. She had no idea where Quintus had disappeared off to, she thought she heard him mention the orchard at one point but she couldn't be entirely sure.
Quickly she headed back to the Burrow. She heard several more cracks of apparition as she hurried and a group of people who she vaguely recognised from a previous Weasley wedding nearly ran her over as she reached the kitchen door. She veered to the right and followed the curve of the kitchen wall before nipping around the corner and leaning against the wall.
'Looking for someone or hiding?' she jumped at the voice and her heart leaped into her mouth when she saw Ron standing in his robes in front of her. Her well-practiced smile spread across her face and she giggled for no apparent reason.
She suppressed what she could only imagine were nervous giggles and turned towards Ron.
‘Just avoiding the crowds, really. I only just avoided getting crushed in a stampede!’
Ron smiled. Silence fell between them and she chanced a quick look at him. Instantly she wished she hadn’t, she’d never seen him look so handsome. Ron looked up and caught her staring.
‘What?’
Hermione shook her head. ‘Nothing. I was just thinking how handsome you look.’
‘I look like a penguin!’ Ron replied.
Hermione smiled. ‘No, you don’t. You look great.’
She realised she hadn’t actually looked at his face in the minutes they’d been talking. Knowing Ron he had probably noticed it, too. She took a deep breath and looked at him. She couldn’t help but giggle.
‘What?’ Ron asked again.
She opened her small bag and pulled out a tissue.
‘You’ve got dirt on your nose, by the way, did you know?’
‘I-’ he rubbed at his nose and looked at her in disbelief.
‘Come here,’ she said and he walked towards her. She licked the tissue and started rubbing at the smudge. After a few rubs it had disappeared. He chuckled as she worked.
‘I wouldn’t care but I’ve been so careful to stay clean!’
‘I’m sure you have. Good thing I caught you before Molly did.’
Ron laughed. An awkward silence filled the space between them and Hermione busied herself with putting the tissue back in her bag. When she turned back to Ron he was looking at her.
She knew Ron too well to not know that he was trying to find the words he needed to say something important to him. She also knew that she probably wasn’t strong enough to listen to whatever it was. She smiled and walked up to him and gave him a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek.
‘Have a perfect day, Ron, enjoy every second.’
She beamed at him and then turned to walk away. Part of her wanted him to stop her and say what he wanted to, but when he didn’t she just carried on walking towards the marquee.
She’d had every intention to find a seat right at the back and in the furthest corner from everything that would be going on. But just as she spotted it she felt a hand on her arm.
‘Don’t you dare hide away in the corner, you’re sitting with us.’
She relaxed when she realised it was Quintus who had grabbed her arm and when she looked up to where she was being directed, Lavender turned and waved them both over. She side stepped along the row of chairs and she was very sure Seamus’s hand lingered on her arse longer than was absolutely necessary as she shuffled past him, but she just chuckled to herself and sat next to Lavender. Quintus took the seat to her right.
‘Remember, Hermione,’ Seamus whispered as he leant over Quintus, ‘if you change yer mind abou’… what we said before, you know,’ he winked and she raised her eyebrows at him, ‘I’ve got yer back, all right?’
Hermione shook her head but smiled.
‘Thank you, Seamus, I’ll bear that in mind.’
She leant back in her chair and closed her eyes.
‘Just so you know,’ Lavender said. Hermione opened her eyes and turned towards her, ‘this story doesn’t end here. You may think it might, but I just… call me insane if you want to, but I just have a feeling there’s more to all this.’
‘Oh, Lavender, this all needs to end today. And it will, as soon as he says ‘I do’ I’m done. In fact, I’m done already. I will not be someone who follows a married man around, for my own sanity if not for pure decency’s sake.’
‘I’m not saying you would have anything to do with whatever might or might not happen, I’m just saying, this isn’t how this ends.’
Hermione wanted to say something to once again reiterate her point, but she could tell it was pointless.
Quintus leant into her and she tilted her head to the right.
‘Just thought I should let you know, should you think Lavender’s idea of having meaningless sex with a nice boy is a good idea, I am entirely available!’
Hermione was thankful she hadn’t taken a glass of champagne as she entered the tent, had she been drinking it the entire glass would now be in her lungs and she would be making a large scene. As it was she just coughed lightly and tried to stop the laughter that was bubbling inside her.
‘Er… thank you, Quintus… I think.’
‘Just thought you should know all your options.’
‘Again, thank you, I think!’
'Always happy to help!'
'I'm sure you would be!'
She turned her attention back to the marquee and she took in the decorations and the faces of the guests and the lighting and all the details she felt she should be looking at.
She noticed Harry and Ron walking to the front and grin at each other and she couldn’t help but smile. She was surprised at how calm she felt but she didn’t know how long it would last.
After a couple of minutes the same wizard who officiated at Bill and Fleur’s wedding walked up to the front of the marquee and asked everybody to stand for the bride.
Hermione vaguely recognised the music that had begun playing but couldn’t put a name to the song. She turned and watched as Mattie started to walk down the aisle. Hermione was momentarily surprised to not see a father figure accompanying her but then she remembered a conversation she had with Ginny what seemed like years ago but was only a few months previous. Mattie’s father had been killed when she was five in a work accident and in the war her mother had been one of those who had just disappeared with no trace. She still had family, aunts and uncles, and they were in the crowd, but apparently Mattie had decided to do this particular trip alone.
Hermione couldn’t help but smile at Mattie as she walked; she did look beautiful, but her mind wandered and dreamed that it was her making those same steps. Before her imagination could torture her even more she concentrated on just watching and not thinking so much.
Mattie reached the front and Ron beamed at her. He bent and gave her a kiss on the cheek before taking her hands and shuffling to where he’d obviously been instructed to stand.
She continued to watch and to listen to the wizard talk about friendship and love and other things that made the wall around her heart crumble to dust, but still she smiled and still she did nothing but watch.
‘If anyone here does know of any reason why these two should not be joined in matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.’
She was half startled when the words found her ears and for a second she saw herself stand up and tell Ron it should be her he should be marrying. But she didn't; still she sat and watched. Seamus seemed to sag in his seat when the wizard started talking again and she had to inwardly roll her eyes at him. It almost brought a smile to her face.
‘Do you, Ronald Bilius Weasley take Matilda Lauren Fergusson to be your wife?’
‘I do.’
Tears burned her eyes and it took every ounce of strength she had to stop them falling and to not turn and sob into Lavender’s shoulder. She must have moved or given some indication that she was far from okay because Lavender took hold of her hand and squeezed it tightly. After a second Quintus did the same. Their act of kindness sent tears falling from her eyes and she bent her head so as to not let anyone else know she was upset.
She heard the words the wizard was saying but they didn’t sink in. She supposed her mind was shutting off to what was hurting her and she wasn’t complaining.
‘Do you, Matilda Lauren Fergusson take Ronald Bilius Weasley to be your husband?’
Hermione took the tissue Lavender was subtly handing her and waited for Mattie to make her vows. She wiped her eyes and was glad she had chosen charmed mascara that morning when getting ready.
‘You’ve got… dirt… on your nose…’
Hermione lifted her head sharply towards the front and stared at Mattie. She looked at Ron who was frowning but with a small smile on his face. Everyone had gone silent and Hermione was thankful as it meant that although Mattie wasn’t projecting to her audience every word could still be heard.
‘The first words she said to him. You’ve got dirt on your nose, did you know?’
Ron frowned again. ‘Er, Mattie, I know you love my book, but this isn’t really the time to discuss it.’
Mattie shook her head. Hermione could hardly breathe as she watched whatever bizarre thing was unfolding in front of her. Why was Mattie quoting her in the middle of her wedding ceremony and why was Ron talking about his book? Something of a memory stirred in her mind but she had no idea where from and before she could start to pin it down it disappeared.
‘Are you okay?’ Ron asked Mattie, smiling as he did trying to get things back on track.
‘How could I have forgotten?’ Mattie said with a smirk, her words louder than before.
‘Mattie, please, tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it and we can get married, please!’
Hermione could see Ron was starting to panic, and she could hardly blame him, she had, too.
‘The first time you met Hermione was on the train to Hogwarts, at the end of that journey she told you, you had dirt on your nose. It’s your hero’s one and only tie to your heroine and he spends a lifetime on a train searching for her.’
‘Mattie, it’s just a book, it’s fiction! I love you and I want to marry you here and now.’
'He spends his life searching for the one person who, in one journey, in a few conversations, gives him inspiration and a reason for living!
Ron shook his head. 'It's fiction!'
Mattie shook her head. ‘Except that it's not. I’m sorry, Ron, I can’t marry you. I’m so sorry.’
She turned and ran out of the marquee. Every head turned and followed her out except Hermione’s. She watched as Ron stared at the girl he loved as she ran away from him. She watched as his heart broke in front of every person he loved. She watched as his legs went from underneath him and he landed heavily on his chair. She watched as his whole world dissolved into chaos.
Confusion didn't even cover it. Devastation did. Tears burned her eyes once more, but this time they didn’t fall for her and her heartbreak, they fell for Ron and his.
~~~
Apparently no one but Ginny fully understood what had happened or why Mattie had suddenly got the most serious of cases of cold feet, and she had made herself invisible or gone to find Mattie or Ron or something similar.
Guests had awkwardly left the marquee and apparated away but Ron’s friends tried to help in some way before he suddenly took off with a promise to find Mattie and talk her round.
Hermione had never felt so terrible.
As everyone left the marquee she had gone and sat in the chair she originally wanted to watch the wedding from. She was thankful of the silence having been hounded by whispers and hushed voices for the past half an hour.
She had had to watch from the sidelines, this was something she couldn't be involved in. At one point Harry had looked at her and seemed to ask in one look for help, but she had looked right back and tried to ask how she could help in one shake of the head and a shrug. He seemed to understand and nodded once before turning back to his best friend and still not knowing what to do to help.
But now she was alone. Until Lavender Brown sat next to her.
'Did I ever tell you about the girl who got everything she ever wanted?'
Hermione looked at her and blinked. 'Did she feel horrible?'
'Yeah, but only because she's kind and loving. And then she fixed her face, straightened her dress and went and got the boy she loved.'
Hermione closed her eyes and played the scene over in her head that refused to leave her mind.
'He said 'I do', Lavender. He said he would love and cherish and honour and obey and he said 'I do'.'
'Oh, wench you need to stop that!' Hermione raised her eyebrows and turned to Lavender. 'Okay, Hermione, look, I may give the impression that I love flitting between boys and having meaningless sex with the ones who annoy me the least, but do you know what? It's all nothing compared to what you and Ron had. I've told you this before and I will tell you this every single day of my life if that's what it takes. I was a blip in the Ron, Hermione story. As much as Mattie is a lovely girl, she wasn't supposed to be here today. She realised it and all the rest of us are waiting for is you and Ron to realise it, too.'
Hermione closed her eyes.
'So what do you suggest I do, Lavender? What's your pearl of wisdom in this situation? Ron is heartbroken and all I'm going to do every time he sees me is remind him of that fact. I may not have done it at an altar but I broke his heart first. And do you know what? I want to be that person that he goes to. I want to be the person whose shoulder he cries on when the pain gets too much for him to keep inside but I can't be, because I am the first bad memory and worse than that, everything I do will be seen as something being done to wheedle myself back into his heart. As much as watching him get married was my worst nightmare, I think I'm about to live through a worse one.'
Lavender put her hand on Hermione's and smiled.
'Hermione, you'll never have to wheedle your way back into his heart.' She stood and turned to leave the marquee. 'He never let you out.'