Ugh
I cannot believe the horrible mood I'm in. I can't wait for my hormones to go back to normal. With Sam I was more prone to fits of sadness and now with Aaron it's anger. I'm trying very hard to keep calm but everything (or anyone) I come across is not making it any easier.
I've had to deal with my mom this week so that's an added stress. Apparently the apartment Nicole shared with mom and Loren have this debt out against her which is making it hard for her to find a place to live. The apartments did something illegal. They took her file from a completed lease and joined it with Mom and Loren's. Now they're saying that there is an outstanding balance on the apartment, which is poppycock seeing as Mom and Loren STILL live there. Loren is the one that accepted the paperwork on behalf of Nicole, even though he did not tell her as such and he is NOT on the lease. At least it's only $1,400 she "owes" instead of the upwards of $250,000 that John and Mom owe. She's doing the right thing and trying to get it taken off of her name. Mom says that the balance has been taken care of but who knows if she's telling the truth or not.
She called Nicole the day we found all this out because she lost my phone number and she wanted to wish me a happy birthday. I want to complain that it's almost a month late in coming, but to look at the bright side, at least she remembered at all. I did not really have a good conversation with her. She's getting better at hiding being drunk and that bothers me a lot. I used to be so good at figuring out when she had been drinking that I can't tell anymore really really upsets me. I suppose it could be to where it's getting to the point that she's so far gone in her mind that she acts this way all the time, but who can really say for certain.
Loren has (last we knew) 2 warrants out for his arrest. One was a drug charge and the other is an outstanding balance he owes the DOL (how anyone can manage to owe the DOL money just baffles the hell out of me...). I'm having someone dive into it and seeing if the warrants are still active. If they are, I'm feeling very petty... Anyway, I caught Mom in a lie that she directly told me. So the mood I'm in is making it very tempting to call her up and go off on her. I'm so used to not seeing her or hearing from her that I can honestly say at this moment in time I'm okay never hearing from her again. Granted, once I cool off and see reason I'm sure my attitude towards her will change. Again. So which course is the right course of action? When do you know that you're doing the right thing or not?
As for Nicole, I'm tired of her living here. Things are so much better now that we've all talked it out but things still feel strained. The conversations feel forced. I'm finding myself having to stay in my room for small periods of time to calm down because I get so worked up over past grievances. Nothing really towards her, but towards her friend Colby, yes. I keep having these ideas that he's gonna show up one day and go off on me about how bad of a person I'm being again or that he'll act like nothing has happened. I'm all for forgiving, but you gotta act like you want forgiveness first. Otherwise it takes me a long time to get over it. I can forgive Loren the crap he's pulled on me and mine, but he's never apologized so I had to come to this all on my own. I think Colby will be the same way. I fully expect an apology from him and I know I'm never going to get one. It doesn't help her living here when Sam's toys and belongings are in his room. So when he can climb down from his bed and play with this toys during nap time or bedtime, that's upsetting. When he get's into trouble and sent to his room, it doesn't affect him because he has toys to play with once he's back there. I have 5 more weeks of this before I can do anything about it. And we're so unsure about how Aaron is going to be born that it may be a few weeks after that, that we will be able to use Nicole's room for a playroom.
I've also made my decision finally on what I'm going to do about the next few mmorpg's that are coming out. There's WoW: Cataclysm and LOTRO that I want to play, not to mention D3 (!!) But I know now that I won't be playing any of them. At first I was worried about time management and when I would be able to play, etc. I can see now that it's for the best I don't play any of them. They three are all too time consuming. Jeromi has the time to play this one game online at the moment, but he's ONLY playing that game. It didn't bother me at first because I know he needs some time to himself, but I'm starting to see a lot of similarities between the game he's playing now and how he acted when we were playing WoW. It's getting to the point again where he's not doing anything at home except for playing this game. We were spending a lot of time together a couple of weeks back and it was nice because we hadn't be able to in a long while, but now when he's home and awake, he's on his pc. It will be the same way once he starts playing the other games and I refuse to be like that when Sam needs someone to watch over him or to play with him. When Aaron comes along, he'll need a ton of attention and if I'm playing, he won't get it. I knew when I married Jeromi, that I was marrying a gamer and I fully accept the responsibilities that come along with it so this will be the first and last time I'll mention this.
Sigh. I'm calmer now but feeling like I'm about to break in half again. Can't wait for all of this pain to end. I should go lie down and read. Escaping into a story where I can enjoy the plot line without being involved in it.
I've had to deal with my mom this week so that's an added stress. Apparently the apartment Nicole shared with mom and Loren have this debt out against her which is making it hard for her to find a place to live. The apartments did something illegal. They took her file from a completed lease and joined it with Mom and Loren's. Now they're saying that there is an outstanding balance on the apartment, which is poppycock seeing as Mom and Loren STILL live there. Loren is the one that accepted the paperwork on behalf of Nicole, even though he did not tell her as such and he is NOT on the lease. At least it's only $1,400 she "owes" instead of the upwards of $250,000 that John and Mom owe. She's doing the right thing and trying to get it taken off of her name. Mom says that the balance has been taken care of but who knows if she's telling the truth or not.
She called Nicole the day we found all this out because she lost my phone number and she wanted to wish me a happy birthday. I want to complain that it's almost a month late in coming, but to look at the bright side, at least she remembered at all. I did not really have a good conversation with her. She's getting better at hiding being drunk and that bothers me a lot. I used to be so good at figuring out when she had been drinking that I can't tell anymore really really upsets me. I suppose it could be to where it's getting to the point that she's so far gone in her mind that she acts this way all the time, but who can really say for certain.
Loren has (last we knew) 2 warrants out for his arrest. One was a drug charge and the other is an outstanding balance he owes the DOL (how anyone can manage to owe the DOL money just baffles the hell out of me...). I'm having someone dive into it and seeing if the warrants are still active. If they are, I'm feeling very petty... Anyway, I caught Mom in a lie that she directly told me. So the mood I'm in is making it very tempting to call her up and go off on her. I'm so used to not seeing her or hearing from her that I can honestly say at this moment in time I'm okay never hearing from her again. Granted, once I cool off and see reason I'm sure my attitude towards her will change. Again. So which course is the right course of action? When do you know that you're doing the right thing or not?
As for Nicole, I'm tired of her living here. Things are so much better now that we've all talked it out but things still feel strained. The conversations feel forced. I'm finding myself having to stay in my room for small periods of time to calm down because I get so worked up over past grievances. Nothing really towards her, but towards her friend Colby, yes. I keep having these ideas that he's gonna show up one day and go off on me about how bad of a person I'm being again or that he'll act like nothing has happened. I'm all for forgiving, but you gotta act like you want forgiveness first. Otherwise it takes me a long time to get over it. I can forgive Loren the crap he's pulled on me and mine, but he's never apologized so I had to come to this all on my own. I think Colby will be the same way. I fully expect an apology from him and I know I'm never going to get one. It doesn't help her living here when Sam's toys and belongings are in his room. So when he can climb down from his bed and play with this toys during nap time or bedtime, that's upsetting. When he get's into trouble and sent to his room, it doesn't affect him because he has toys to play with once he's back there. I have 5 more weeks of this before I can do anything about it. And we're so unsure about how Aaron is going to be born that it may be a few weeks after that, that we will be able to use Nicole's room for a playroom.
I've also made my decision finally on what I'm going to do about the next few mmorpg's that are coming out. There's WoW: Cataclysm and LOTRO that I want to play, not to mention D3 (!!) But I know now that I won't be playing any of them. At first I was worried about time management and when I would be able to play, etc. I can see now that it's for the best I don't play any of them. They three are all too time consuming. Jeromi has the time to play this one game online at the moment, but he's ONLY playing that game. It didn't bother me at first because I know he needs some time to himself, but I'm starting to see a lot of similarities between the game he's playing now and how he acted when we were playing WoW. It's getting to the point again where he's not doing anything at home except for playing this game. We were spending a lot of time together a couple of weeks back and it was nice because we hadn't be able to in a long while, but now when he's home and awake, he's on his pc. It will be the same way once he starts playing the other games and I refuse to be like that when Sam needs someone to watch over him or to play with him. When Aaron comes along, he'll need a ton of attention and if I'm playing, he won't get it. I knew when I married Jeromi, that I was marrying a gamer and I fully accept the responsibilities that come along with it so this will be the first and last time I'll mention this.
Sigh. I'm calmer now but feeling like I'm about to break in half again. Can't wait for all of this pain to end. I should go lie down and read. Escaping into a story where I can enjoy the plot line without being involved in it.