(no subject)
So it's been said that everything is fine
I've been living the everything's fine
Everything's great and wonderful and fine
They say I've straightened out
Maybe I have
They say I've cleaned up
Maybe I have
They say I have got a good head on my shoulders now
Maybe I have
They say I've got a future now
Maybe I have
But now...life is no fun.
And I am wondering- did I really get rid of it all?
Am I really a pretty pink princess stoner girl?
Or is that wild and gothic party girl coke sniffer depressed and manic self abuser always ready to try something new no matter the consequences etc on and on still in me?
Is it still in me?
Is it still alive?
And if so...I don't know.
I miss parts of it. Not the coke. Not the drugs. Not that shit.
I miss dressing gothic. I miss that short little 5 mintute teenage experience that I never had.
And only anyone who knows me really well can understand that.
That I have been an adult since I exited the womb.
And now, everyone is expecting me to have a full time job and go to collage and on and on and on when its miracle enough that I am graduating when I had an F average last year...
And I want to know...
Where did my teenage years go? Why didn;t I get any? And how can I get them back now? I can't.....
I can't....
I can't........
Not fair not fair NOT FAIR
fuckin crist
i feel so symbolic damn
I've been living the everything's fine
Everything's great and wonderful and fine
They say I've straightened out
Maybe I have
They say I've cleaned up
Maybe I have
They say I have got a good head on my shoulders now
Maybe I have
They say I've got a future now
Maybe I have
But now...life is no fun.
And I am wondering- did I really get rid of it all?
Am I really a pretty pink princess stoner girl?
Or is that wild and gothic party girl coke sniffer depressed and manic self abuser always ready to try something new no matter the consequences etc on and on still in me?
Is it still in me?
Is it still alive?
And if so...I don't know.
I miss parts of it. Not the coke. Not the drugs. Not that shit.
I miss dressing gothic. I miss that short little 5 mintute teenage experience that I never had.
And only anyone who knows me really well can understand that.
That I have been an adult since I exited the womb.
And now, everyone is expecting me to have a full time job and go to collage and on and on and on when its miracle enough that I am graduating when I had an F average last year...
And I want to know...
Where did my teenage years go? Why didn;t I get any? And how can I get them back now? I can't.....
I can't....
I can't........
Not fair not fair NOT FAIR
fuckin crist
i feel so symbolic damn