a conversation I had tonight
and then i got into a pretty good talk with phil and sharon about different things like evelyn and how we can help her in these "next stages" of life, and also to talk about our small groups, books we're reading, and how we're being challenged in our faith/not being challenged =) it was nice to talk to them. they're sort of the two I look to for deeper conversations on theology and what I call "realities of Jesus Christ" because they think things through not only theoretically, but also applicably and how we ought to "really" think about certain issues - like today we were talking about sin and the difference between the internal struggle of sin in the context of fighting it and actively laying it at the foot of the cross, and the internal struggle where the struggle-r willingly gives into sin only to stretch grace taking comfort that God will extend grace infinitely (or assuming that he will). And the question was what exactly sin is? is it sinful to be struggling internally while willingly laying it at the cross and overcoming it because of the joy provided in reference to the spilled blood of the lamb? or is it sin when the person willfully entertains the sin (either mentally and/or physically/emotionally)? And I think I didn't really think it through because for some reason I was thinking (in reference to say... homosexuality) a person is constantly struggling with their homosexual desires their whole life, and I was saying that I feel if he's constantly giving that to God and struggling against it whilst overcoming it in the revelation of Christ's effect on our lives, he's not sinning. but phil didn't agree, and he reminded me that the struggle of sin - even the bare reminder of it in our inner being is sin in itself. and that the grace is the redemption of Christ over that sin, even in our weakness - and yes, we battle against it, but the fact that we are battling is evidence of its sinfulness. And the thing is, I think I've known this always, but I haven't reflected on it in awhile - that the struggle itself is sinfulness, not just the sinful act (haha mens rea and actus reus)! I haven't really sat down to consider the extent of my "mens rea" (mindfulness of action) in regards to sin, and I haven't been in the full realization that God not only overcomes the action, but with discipline and prayer he overcomes the idolatry and desire to rebel against him. =). something that I'm taking to heart right now =).