Tomorrow...
Is my sister's wedding!!!. I'm uber excited. FINALLY! She has met a great guy with two kids of his own and loves her more than anyone in this world! They've lived together for the past 2 years already, and there 4 kids already see each other as brother and sister, but now, it's finally going to be official. I'm so happy for her. She deserves this. They all do. I've always looked up to my sister, and at times it was hard to be proud of her, but that in the past. Now, when I see her, I want to jump for joy, literally, and do a little dance because I'm just so ectastic that she has found her other half. Even if it took her a second time around.
Speaking of those. Josh and I are dating. For two weeks now. It seems so odd to say that. Two weeks. Yea, I'm counting. lol. Cause I'm a dork like that. I just...I don't know. I like him so much. And so many things about him I truly adore. They way he talks about his daughter. The magnificent way he says " Yeah yeah..." and shakes his hand, lol. The passion in his voice when he sings. Or talks about anything really, that's important to him. I like that he makes me think about other things than just...."what am I going to feed Kai tomorrow?" "Did I switch the laundry?" and such. I feel like I've been released from this little "mommy bubble" and can actually try and be myself.....who ever that is these days.
It still blows my mind that he wants to be with me.
Everyday.
I have a son that's one, and overbearing mother, and very protective brother and father, and I myself can be pretty crazy. I still am amazed that he even has an interest in me. Ok, yes....I'm a nice person for the most part....but I'm also extremely damaged goods.....
I guess it's pretty bad that I think of myself that way. But just....I've gone through so much, and I'm terrified to get hurt again. No, I won't die, or come close to it, like when my first love left me, but....it hurts. A lot. Not that I'm in love with him.....I'm not. Though I do love some things about him. But I'm definately biting my tongue when it comes to the "L" word. lol, I refuse to be the one to say it first this time. He told me he wants this relationship to be different, and so do I. I want this to last....and last a very long time if possible. I can definately see how easy it could be to fall for him. But I'm holding back....cause I want this to work. I want to build trust and to be able to depend on each other. To do what we say, and mean what we say. To build a deep friendship....yes I think of him as a close friend, but I want him to become one on my best friends....and closests. But until that happens, be it months or years from now....I'm just trying not to say the wrong thing. I don't want to scare him off. I know I'm a good person. And I could be good for him...if he really gave me a chance. He deserves more than he's been given. Someone who will love him despite and with every fault. Someone who genuinely has an interest in him, and his daughter, and his music. Someone who thinks the world of him, not because he's perfect, but just because of who he is. Someone who is honest and trustworthy. I think I have these qualities, and I really do think we could be good together a long way down the road even.
Like I said, I don't want a fling. And so far, he's been honest and trusthworthy, and it is so....nice. He's always telling me "I'm not going to hurt you"...and every time he does.....I trust him a little more. Cause he keeps his promise......Every. Time. And I really do love that.
I worry he'll get bored of me sometimes, but then, if that ever happens....well then I must really have gotten boring, lol. I think I'm a pretty cool chicka, compared to most. Even not compared to other women, I still think I'm a little above average when it comes to personality. Cause I genuinely care about people. And I genuinely care about him.
I kinda sorta asked him if he would say goodbye to me when Justin drive him home in the afternoons. I think it weirded him out. I don't know. I just know that when I see him standing there waiting for Justin to get in the car, and see him looking at the front door....I'm too much of a chicken Sh*t to go out there and give him a kiss goodbye. Even though I want to, every freaking time. I just don't want him to think I'm too possessive. Or clingy. Or...anything negative.....because I'd like a kiss goodbye. It that odd? To want a kiss goodbye from the person your seeing? Or is that just...going too fast?
I don't know. But I do know that I miss him when he's gone, and that I do a little dance every time he calls....or we finish talking on the phone...or when he says goodnight and goes upstairs (If my legs have stopped shaking that is...lol).
He makes me giddy in the best way. And I don't want that to ever stop.
I wish I knew how he really felt about me. But it's probably way too early to even ask him that. I think I like him more than he does me. Even though.....while he was gone to Tennessee a few days.....he did say he missed me when he got back...so there's that. Although I did say it first....but nevertheless he said it too. And gosh did that feel wonderful to hear. lol.
What ever. I like Josh. A lot. And so far he makes me really happy and I hope I do the same for him. Cause that's what counts. ^.^
lol, gah. I need sleep. Night!!!!!!
Speaking of those. Josh and I are dating. For two weeks now. It seems so odd to say that. Two weeks. Yea, I'm counting. lol. Cause I'm a dork like that. I just...I don't know. I like him so much. And so many things about him I truly adore. They way he talks about his daughter. The magnificent way he says " Yeah yeah..." and shakes his hand, lol. The passion in his voice when he sings. Or talks about anything really, that's important to him. I like that he makes me think about other things than just...."what am I going to feed Kai tomorrow?" "Did I switch the laundry?" and such. I feel like I've been released from this little "mommy bubble" and can actually try and be myself.....who ever that is these days.
It still blows my mind that he wants to be with me.
Everyday.
I have a son that's one, and overbearing mother, and very protective brother and father, and I myself can be pretty crazy. I still am amazed that he even has an interest in me. Ok, yes....I'm a nice person for the most part....but I'm also extremely damaged goods.....
I guess it's pretty bad that I think of myself that way. But just....I've gone through so much, and I'm terrified to get hurt again. No, I won't die, or come close to it, like when my first love left me, but....it hurts. A lot. Not that I'm in love with him.....I'm not. Though I do love some things about him. But I'm definately biting my tongue when it comes to the "L" word. lol, I refuse to be the one to say it first this time. He told me he wants this relationship to be different, and so do I. I want this to last....and last a very long time if possible. I can definately see how easy it could be to fall for him. But I'm holding back....cause I want this to work. I want to build trust and to be able to depend on each other. To do what we say, and mean what we say. To build a deep friendship....yes I think of him as a close friend, but I want him to become one on my best friends....and closests. But until that happens, be it months or years from now....I'm just trying not to say the wrong thing. I don't want to scare him off. I know I'm a good person. And I could be good for him...if he really gave me a chance. He deserves more than he's been given. Someone who will love him despite and with every fault. Someone who genuinely has an interest in him, and his daughter, and his music. Someone who thinks the world of him, not because he's perfect, but just because of who he is. Someone who is honest and trustworthy. I think I have these qualities, and I really do think we could be good together a long way down the road even.
Like I said, I don't want a fling. And so far, he's been honest and trusthworthy, and it is so....nice. He's always telling me "I'm not going to hurt you"...and every time he does.....I trust him a little more. Cause he keeps his promise......Every. Time. And I really do love that.
I worry he'll get bored of me sometimes, but then, if that ever happens....well then I must really have gotten boring, lol. I think I'm a pretty cool chicka, compared to most. Even not compared to other women, I still think I'm a little above average when it comes to personality. Cause I genuinely care about people. And I genuinely care about him.
I kinda sorta asked him if he would say goodbye to me when Justin drive him home in the afternoons. I think it weirded him out. I don't know. I just know that when I see him standing there waiting for Justin to get in the car, and see him looking at the front door....I'm too much of a chicken Sh*t to go out there and give him a kiss goodbye. Even though I want to, every freaking time. I just don't want him to think I'm too possessive. Or clingy. Or...anything negative.....because I'd like a kiss goodbye. It that odd? To want a kiss goodbye from the person your seeing? Or is that just...going too fast?
I don't know. But I do know that I miss him when he's gone, and that I do a little dance every time he calls....or we finish talking on the phone...or when he says goodnight and goes upstairs (If my legs have stopped shaking that is...lol).
He makes me giddy in the best way. And I don't want that to ever stop.
I wish I knew how he really felt about me. But it's probably way too early to even ask him that. I think I like him more than he does me. Even though.....while he was gone to Tennessee a few days.....he did say he missed me when he got back...so there's that. Although I did say it first....but nevertheless he said it too. And gosh did that feel wonderful to hear. lol.
What ever. I like Josh. A lot. And so far he makes me really happy and I hope I do the same for him. Cause that's what counts. ^.^
lol, gah. I need sleep. Night!!!!!!