I hurt my foot...
playing soccer this past sunday. Starting to walk normal again on it though. Just...some movements....make me want to scream. lol. I don't know what I did but I'm pretty sure my dad is right and I screwed up a cartlidge cennection or something. I've never had such excruciating stabs of pain in my foot, or any where else, before. And I can take a hell of a lot of pain. It's one thing my family is very proud of...our high pain tolerance. lol.
But other than that physical pain....Josh set up visotation on mmonday at 3pm. Didn't make it. Wanted to...but no ride, and busy around the house. I believe he's being transported tonight or tomorrow to stae prison. He keeps trying to call. I keep missing them or catching them, but I'm not paying for the call so I hang up. He tried to three way so it's free tonight at 7....but I had plans, so he didn't.
I don't know when I'll stop being angry with him. Or when I'll be able to just be civil. And act like an adult. Instead of this, women's-scorn-bubbling-through-my-red-hot-veins-threatening-to-rip-out-his-skull-with-my-fingertips self. Well...I guess I'm only like that half of the time. The other part is a pretty broken and demolished self esteem and heart.
But then again...my math doesn't work here cause I'm happy a lot, ok quite a bit, of the time because of my wonderful son.
So I guess I don't know how to break it down exactly into just right parts. But I believe it's safe to say that I am anything but whole right now.
BUT I went out tonight with my mom and got some well worn, but pretty cute clothes for free at a clothing exchange. Made me a little happier to have things that actually fit, and aren't from 7th grade...^.^ Hopefully it'll help my self esteem too! Haven't felt attractive in a very long time. Despite what people say in compliments...it's just not the same as having a guy stop and do a double take with an expression of "Daaaammn!". I'd like to see that expression again. Preferably from someone who loves me and cares about my son and wants to be with us always...but I'll accept it from a looker across the fire pit at the Cock & Bull, or somewhere. Anywhere.
It'd just be nice to really be apreciated for the work I put into myself. You know? Really feel like a woman again. Not just a mom. Even though I LOVE being a mom.
Well, it's late. I have a lot to do tomorrow....or rather today since it's 12:09am. Night. <3