bonjour
im pretty happy. jimmys been spoiling me and the kids. i finally got a car now, it feels so much better to have a vehicle again. jimmy took me to busch gardens in virginia, it was really fun. he bought me almost a whole new wardrobe from the ecko store. sweet. he jus let me get a new piercing today, so i finally got my septum re-done. the only thing im not happy about is the fact that jimmy NEVER cuddles me. ever. its like nerve-racking sometimes. it jus strikes a cord in my insecure side. it makes me feel ugly, or rejected, or not good enough, or like im too clingy or something. but i havent even smothered him lately. i barely talk to him. i jus wait for him to come to me and he never does. i dont know what to do to get his attention. i guess he jus figures if he buys me stuff all the time he doesnt have to give me affection. but it jus drives me crazy cause hell cuddle the kids, and i understand that and all, but does he think that i dont need affectionate cuddling? and like, ill tell him i wanna cuddle sometimes, and hell say ok, but then we never do. so ive jus given up on the cuddle thing...as sad and lonely as it makes me, im jus coming to terms that ill prolly never get that. but at the same time, i dont want it to build up and cause a fight in the long run. thats what im afraid of. but...every time ive brought it up, it never goes anywhere, he either says hes gonna try from now on and doesnt, or he turns the tables on me and say that he does everything for me and its never enough. that im never happy. i dont know, im tryin to let this one figure itself out but i dont know if it will.....ugh