i am all out of faith, this is how i feel.
I wrote this big entry... but i decided i shouldnt post it so now i am starting over.
Today was a ok day so far.
I woke up with lauren and then we went and got lilly and kyle and went out to breakfast at this REALLY ghetto restaurant
some bois got into it with kyle it was bad.
Anyways breakfast was good even though i am feelin a little nauticious.
Lately I have made some really bad decisions.
My dad has been super cool though and has been really forgiving towards my actions and words.
And for the past few hours i have been thinking about all the bad decisions i have made in the past like 3 weeks and i feel like shit.
I feel like i have hurt alot of people, alot of people that i .r.e.g.r.e.t. hurting.
I am hoping that the people i have hurt in the past 3 weeks love me enough to forgive me for everything i have done and said.
i feel stupid
really stupid.
i am so nieve
and i hate it
i hate it soo much
its so hard to see sometimes whos your real friends and who arent your real friends.
it hurts when you discover that people are useing you.
it hurts when you the people you think you can rely on end up being unrelyable.
it hurts when you turn to someone thinking their there and their not.
it hurts to know that it was all a game.
it hurts to know the jokes on me..
its sucha let down.
it makes me wonder if this is what life is.
it makes me wonder if everyone just uses eachother
if so i havent caught on to the game yet and i dont think i ever want to.
even if it hurts alot more
i would rather be TRUE
i cant stop thinking about how much i want to take back everything i have done and everything that i have said
it hurts so bad.
it hurts me more then it hurts you.
"you dont know what you have till its gone.
thats so true.
so incredably true.
i was talking to my dad about how some people arent affected by a problem inless its on their door step.
he told me that god will punish those people
and that, by helping others your actually helping yourself because if you dont help others you will be sent to hell.
only he said it in a wayy more intelligent way.
but....
even if you were to help someone, to help yourself, shouldnt there be some deeper meaning?
shoudlnt your love for the people around you, your friends and your family be strong enough that helping and making them happy actually makes you happy, or that seeing them sad actually makes you sad?
truth is sucha gray area in life
its a confusing matter
i wish i could see where theres truth
i wish i could see what is real.
i love talking to him
i love being with him
i love how he makes me feel
i love how its comfortable
how its safe
but it feels safe cause theres nothing attached
theres no passion
you can act a part but its no good if theres no feeling
your sooo good at acting
but i am not feelin it.
everyone just plays games
i am sick of the games
ur my favorite mistake.
even though it wasnt worth it
or maybe it was.
we'll see.
my dad discovered that someone kicked my car
my front bumper is messed up
i am kinda upset
i have to pay for it
i have no job right now
no money
i am in debt
my credit card bill is coming
i am def stressing out
i need a hug pronto
Today was a ok day so far.
I woke up with lauren and then we went and got lilly and kyle and went out to breakfast at this REALLY ghetto restaurant
some bois got into it with kyle it was bad.
Anyways breakfast was good even though i am feelin a little nauticious.
Lately I have made some really bad decisions.
My dad has been super cool though and has been really forgiving towards my actions and words.
And for the past few hours i have been thinking about all the bad decisions i have made in the past like 3 weeks and i feel like shit.
I feel like i have hurt alot of people, alot of people that i .r.e.g.r.e.t. hurting.
I am hoping that the people i have hurt in the past 3 weeks love me enough to forgive me for everything i have done and said.
i feel stupid
really stupid.
i am so nieve
and i hate it
i hate it soo much
its so hard to see sometimes whos your real friends and who arent your real friends.
it hurts when you discover that people are useing you.
it hurts when you the people you think you can rely on end up being unrelyable.
it hurts when you turn to someone thinking their there and their not.
it hurts to know that it was all a game.
it hurts to know the jokes on me..
its sucha let down.
it makes me wonder if this is what life is.
it makes me wonder if everyone just uses eachother
if so i havent caught on to the game yet and i dont think i ever want to.
even if it hurts alot more
i would rather be TRUE
i cant stop thinking about how much i want to take back everything i have done and everything that i have said
it hurts so bad.
it hurts me more then it hurts you.
"you dont know what you have till its gone.
thats so true.
so incredably true.
i was talking to my dad about how some people arent affected by a problem inless its on their door step.
he told me that god will punish those people
and that, by helping others your actually helping yourself because if you dont help others you will be sent to hell.
only he said it in a wayy more intelligent way.
but....
even if you were to help someone, to help yourself, shouldnt there be some deeper meaning?
shoudlnt your love for the people around you, your friends and your family be strong enough that helping and making them happy actually makes you happy, or that seeing them sad actually makes you sad?
truth is sucha gray area in life
its a confusing matter
i wish i could see where theres truth
i wish i could see what is real.
i love talking to him
i love being with him
i love how he makes me feel
i love how its comfortable
how its safe
but it feels safe cause theres nothing attached
theres no passion
you can act a part but its no good if theres no feeling
your sooo good at acting
but i am not feelin it.
everyone just plays games
i am sick of the games
ur my favorite mistake.
even though it wasnt worth it
or maybe it was.
we'll see.
my dad discovered that someone kicked my car
my front bumper is messed up
i am kinda upset
i have to pay for it
i have no job right now
no money
i am in debt
my credit card bill is coming
i am def stressing out
i need a hug pronto