Triggered
Did I lash out due to my high anxiety all day. Yes. Did I apologize immediately. Yes. Did I do everything I possibly could before my anxiety got to be too much. Yes. Should I have explained or communicated more, yes. My only excuse is that I felt like a burden and did not want to be a problem. I became a problem anyway. Now you don’t want apologies, or communication. You just want to be mad. And even though I’ve communicated that it makes my anxiety worse, you’ve chosen to punish me with silence. I’m so scared to even make a mistake now so I don’t cause this again. My anxiety just skyrocketed and I know that’s not her fault. What is, is the lack of wanting to communicate so I can work through it. Should I have communicated prior to snapping? Sure. I’m learning, and no one is perfect. I’ve never had anyone I felt comfortable explaining my anxiety to and now I probably won’t because I’ll be afraid of pissing her off. So I’m suppose to give her grace and space to be mad even if it makes my anxiety worse? Which was the reason for my attitude in the first place. I could’ve asked for reassurance before I spiraled but now I can’t? Because I made a mistake I am no longer allowed access and this is super triggering to how my parents acted too. I will be the anxious attatchment who is tip toeing around. I hate feelings. Turn them off.