once more, with feeling
This morning in Starbucks, while I was waiting for J., I got out my notebook and wrote two pages. After we met up, as we were walking to the parking lot, it suddenly hit me that I had actually written something for the first time since Christmas Day, and I felt something unknot in my chest. I could have cried.
I've been in a pretty gloomy mood of late, but I don't know that I'd allowed myself to realize, quite, how much the lack of writing had been getting to me.
Looking back in my LJ over the first month or so of 2008, I can see that I've posted a couple of times about how I've been sick, how I'm sorry for not being around, and how now I think I'm feeling better, and I should be getting back up to speed. And none of that has panned out, really. I got sick the day after Christmas, and I still haven't managed to quite shake it, thanks, in large part, to what a Petri dish my office is; everyone there has been sick at some point, and a pattern has developed: every weekend I start to feel better. Every week, I go into the office, and within a day or two I start feeling sick again. I managed to more or less successfully fight off round two of this cold/flu bug/whatever it is by staying home on Monday and Tuesday this week, but now, after two days back in the office, I'm coughing again, even though I didn't all weekend, even when I was wrestling with the bug.
At this point, I think I'm just plain rundown. I'm tired, my energy is shot, and I would just like to get through a week without feeling like hell. (And yes, I'm taking my vitamins and eating oranges and doing all the other things you're supposed to do to stay healthy.)
And, in general, looking back on the last few months, I haven't been having a great time of it. Things started to get stressful in early November, with the beginning of the writers' strike, and pretty much haven't stopped since then. The strike has been a professional strain. Add to that the fact that I'm hellishly busy at work, keep getting hit with new projects and new responsibilities, and that I'm pretty much constantly at my max bandwidth limits for how well I can keep on top of everything. I really do love my job and believe in what I do, but it can be draining.
Now we're looking at the possible end of the strike (it's not over yet, whatever Michael Eisner claims), if the tentative agreement that the WGA and AMPTP have been working on this week pans out; however, we're also looking at a possible doomsday scenario if the board doesn't vote in favor of the agreement this weekend. If that happens, god knows how much longer this is going to drag on, and how many more jobs will be lost. And if the mood in town has been angry and scared since the strike started, it's going to get even worse if the agreement gets rejected.
I'm worried for the people it's already affected, and who it will affect if this continues, and I'm selfishly scared for myself if it goes into doomsday.
So, yeah: sick, worn out, too busy, stressed. And, until today, hadn't written a damn word since Christmas Day. I feel bad for complaining like this, because I know I don't have the kind of problems or worries that other people have, that all in all I'm really pretty damn lucky. But this is the truth: it's been getting to me. More than I realized, I think.
And there have been good times, too, like scarletts_awry's recent visit and going home to New York for Christmas, and smaller things like coffee dates with friends and lunches with co-workers and even quiet nights on my couch with a book.
Plus, maybe, just maybe, I can write again now.
I'd like to be around more. And thank you for the "first kiss" suggestions: I'm hoping to do some of those this weekend.
I've been in a pretty gloomy mood of late, but I don't know that I'd allowed myself to realize, quite, how much the lack of writing had been getting to me.
Looking back in my LJ over the first month or so of 2008, I can see that I've posted a couple of times about how I've been sick, how I'm sorry for not being around, and how now I think I'm feeling better, and I should be getting back up to speed. And none of that has panned out, really. I got sick the day after Christmas, and I still haven't managed to quite shake it, thanks, in large part, to what a Petri dish my office is; everyone there has been sick at some point, and a pattern has developed: every weekend I start to feel better. Every week, I go into the office, and within a day or two I start feeling sick again. I managed to more or less successfully fight off round two of this cold/flu bug/whatever it is by staying home on Monday and Tuesday this week, but now, after two days back in the office, I'm coughing again, even though I didn't all weekend, even when I was wrestling with the bug.
At this point, I think I'm just plain rundown. I'm tired, my energy is shot, and I would just like to get through a week without feeling like hell. (And yes, I'm taking my vitamins and eating oranges and doing all the other things you're supposed to do to stay healthy.)
And, in general, looking back on the last few months, I haven't been having a great time of it. Things started to get stressful in early November, with the beginning of the writers' strike, and pretty much haven't stopped since then. The strike has been a professional strain. Add to that the fact that I'm hellishly busy at work, keep getting hit with new projects and new responsibilities, and that I'm pretty much constantly at my max bandwidth limits for how well I can keep on top of everything. I really do love my job and believe in what I do, but it can be draining.
Now we're looking at the possible end of the strike (it's not over yet, whatever Michael Eisner claims), if the tentative agreement that the WGA and AMPTP have been working on this week pans out; however, we're also looking at a possible doomsday scenario if the board doesn't vote in favor of the agreement this weekend. If that happens, god knows how much longer this is going to drag on, and how many more jobs will be lost. And if the mood in town has been angry and scared since the strike started, it's going to get even worse if the agreement gets rejected.
I'm worried for the people it's already affected, and who it will affect if this continues, and I'm selfishly scared for myself if it goes into doomsday.
So, yeah: sick, worn out, too busy, stressed. And, until today, hadn't written a damn word since Christmas Day. I feel bad for complaining like this, because I know I don't have the kind of problems or worries that other people have, that all in all I'm really pretty damn lucky. But this is the truth: it's been getting to me. More than I realized, I think.
And there have been good times, too, like scarletts_awry's recent visit and going home to New York for Christmas, and smaller things like coffee dates with friends and lunches with co-workers and even quiet nights on my couch with a book.
Plus, maybe, just maybe, I can write again now.
I'd like to be around more. And thank you for the "first kiss" suggestions: I'm hoping to do some of those this weekend.