is everything ok yet

Jan 13, 2005 23:14

i want it all to fly by. i want to wake up and be able to wonder where all the time went because i just don't want to fucking wait it out anymore.it's not like i want it all to end or i want my life to be over, i just don't want to be in this part of it anymore right now. i know good things happen and last night i found myself repeating the phrase "i know there are happy people out there, i used to be one" (thank you corinne) and that is something that i never used to believe was a reasonable comment to pose. But that is all i feel lately, like there must be other people that just live day to day and enjoy it, not only ones that (rightfully so)over analyze why they are being paid to stock shelves full of facial moisturizers or taking the abuse over a mishap in measly commision...(i miss u both so madly)...Why is this all going on? That is all i can justify in saying out loud in these past few weeks. i'v been strumming over my weaknesses and trying to beat strength in to them and i'm beginning to think it is always to no prevail. My vague insecurities have been slashing at my steps throughout everyday making every motion that much more meaningful and that means it is that much harder to just..do. I know that i allow my heart to bleed far too often for too many people that don't really care that there is a stream of it flowing for them and yet, it still goes on.
it still fucking goes on.
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