Breaking down and building up
I crashed last week.
So I took a few days off from life in general. Not completely... I still managed a dance lesson on Sunday and something that vaguely resembled a practice (or at the least, a coordination session for a performance to take place on Friday) tonight... and mostly a lot of watching Upstairs Downstairs and drinking Mochas and having a fabulous Valentine's dinner with etler on Saturday (among other things. etler and I went to the SF Symphony on Friday for a performance of Scherezade. It was one of the most incredible symphonic performances I've been to... something about those Russian composers. They might be a bit emo, but when they're good, they're INCREDIBLE).
Okay, even when taking "down time," I stay busy. It's my way.
But other than that, I've been sleeping a lot and knitting a lot (I finished a pair of socks and proceeded to promptly start on another. I am a sock knitting fiend!) and trying to connect a bit with friends and trying to remind myself to take life one thing at a time because trying to take on six or seven or twenty things all at once leads to a me that collapses in exhaustion.
I feel a lot better, now, and have felt very glad to have friends listen to me rant about how frustrated I was and how I really just needed some reassurance and validation because although I would like to be able to give and give and love and nurture all the time, I do have limits.
I'm also glad that etler and I finally got around to planning a short vacation just for us. I've been buried for the last three months months, and will soon be buried again and I forget, sometimes, how important it is to still make time to be really present with my partner (especially, but also friends and acquaintances). And apparently, I'm not terribly good at it when I'm at home (only in the evenings, and often late), surrounded by projects and invitations and opportunities. I suppose it's why my mother used to need time at the lake (and why I did, too). I think it's become habit that the only way I can let go of the to do lists is to physically remove myself from them.
A break will be good. Soon, soon. And work and dance and life to keep me busy in between.