a routine depression
fuuuuuuck. i just remembered that i have tomorrow off. i mean, i knew it all along, but it just sort of dawned on me that i have more boredom in store...more time to just WASTE like i did ALL weekend. which i usually wouldn't mind if the rest of my life was filled with thrills or projects or SOMETHING, but i'm just this bored at work. the only difference is that i can't watch movies, and that i'm getting PAID to be that bored. which redeems it a little bit at least. but now i've got nothing to do and i feel like i've watched EVERY movie that i own (which is, of course, impossible as there are a good 350 of them...some of which i have yet to watch since purchase) and i'm just...ill at ease. not even my music is making it better because i feel like i listened to ALL of it on my trip...i did listen to quite a bit of it anyway.
i just feel...stuck. like all my brilliance and talent are being wasted while i work this meaningless job and go through the motions of school in order to graduate. i wish life had a fast-forward button, so i could get to the good stuff like graduation and fun trips and volunteering at sundance, but skip all these boring hours spent staring at computer screens and DVD racks and watching other people's lives move while mine stays HERE. it's not like i'm NOT going to graduate. i just have to sit through 15 weeks of class and i'm there. but it's not like that's the big key to my future or anything. life won't be any better after that. i'll just have a lame piece of paper telling everyone else that i can complete 120+ units of college credit. that doesn't prove anything. in fact, it doesn't even show ANY of my talents, besides my ability to pay attention to subtitles and 6-hour-long movies.
i really wish there was some shining moment in the future to look forward to, but it all just seems like more of the same. i obviously had too much fun last week, because my normal life seems most unspectacular in comparison. and it's only 9:30. far too early for bed. even if elliot will wake me up tomorrow by 8.
guess i'll have some beer and watch a movie i've seen (sigh) dozens of times. this mood should pass by morning. they usually do. and i DO get to look forward to spending part of tomorrow with Sarah. so that is somewhat uplifting.
i just feel...stuck. like all my brilliance and talent are being wasted while i work this meaningless job and go through the motions of school in order to graduate. i wish life had a fast-forward button, so i could get to the good stuff like graduation and fun trips and volunteering at sundance, but skip all these boring hours spent staring at computer screens and DVD racks and watching other people's lives move while mine stays HERE. it's not like i'm NOT going to graduate. i just have to sit through 15 weeks of class and i'm there. but it's not like that's the big key to my future or anything. life won't be any better after that. i'll just have a lame piece of paper telling everyone else that i can complete 120+ units of college credit. that doesn't prove anything. in fact, it doesn't even show ANY of my talents, besides my ability to pay attention to subtitles and 6-hour-long movies.
i really wish there was some shining moment in the future to look forward to, but it all just seems like more of the same. i obviously had too much fun last week, because my normal life seems most unspectacular in comparison. and it's only 9:30. far too early for bed. even if elliot will wake me up tomorrow by 8.
guess i'll have some beer and watch a movie i've seen (sigh) dozens of times. this mood should pass by morning. they usually do. and i DO get to look forward to spending part of tomorrow with Sarah. so that is somewhat uplifting.