hello again, livejournal.
hmm. so i havent updated in about a year. a lot has changed since that day in august when i poured my heart out into the void, mourning the potential loss of something that i still had, and still do. we are seniors now, thats insane. lately ive been saying that my head isnt in high school anymore, but instead in college. im not sure if thats true. what i really mean to say is that im done, in the largest sense of the word, with the nonsense that high school by its very nature brings. however i am not ready to leave certain things behind, and i dont know if i ever will be. friendships that have grown deeper with every passing month are such a huge part of me that i will be torn apart when its time to go. things that i take for granted now will not be around when im in my dorm room next year. but then again, there are so many things to look foward to. freedom is at the top of that list.
ive learned a lot since that summer day. i used to think that as long as i worked my ass off until i was completely drained, there would be some kind of reward in the end. but ive learned that hard work and perfectionism dont always produce perfect results, let alone fulfillment. ive learned that college acceptances, although exciting and relieving, dont guarantee happiness. and that a good report card is just that, nice numbers on a sheet of paper. the real question is whether or not i enjoyed myself along the way? overall i guess i did. there were some definite wonderful highs but they are always accompanied by those infamous treacherous lows. i am a very extreme person, and i suppose i shouldnt have expected it any other way. i just wish i could have relaxed a little more, let myself enjoy things, taken pleasure in the simple aspects of life, let myself see the big picture if you will, instead of getting so hung up on the tiny details and letting them run my life.
so, during this new year i am striving for balance, in every area of my life. i want to relax and enjoy what i have left of kellenberg memorial high. no matter how much i despise it or regret going there, it is only high school but it is also 4 years of my life that i will never get back. i want to make them count. i also want to be generally happier and more mellow. i can take my own intensity, but i know in the end that i am better off somewhere in the middle, for other peoples' sakes as well as my own. life is too short to run it on even shorter fuses. i just want to enjoy myself for a change.
speaking of which, new years eve was pretty insane.
love you loo.
ive learned a lot since that summer day. i used to think that as long as i worked my ass off until i was completely drained, there would be some kind of reward in the end. but ive learned that hard work and perfectionism dont always produce perfect results, let alone fulfillment. ive learned that college acceptances, although exciting and relieving, dont guarantee happiness. and that a good report card is just that, nice numbers on a sheet of paper. the real question is whether or not i enjoyed myself along the way? overall i guess i did. there were some definite wonderful highs but they are always accompanied by those infamous treacherous lows. i am a very extreme person, and i suppose i shouldnt have expected it any other way. i just wish i could have relaxed a little more, let myself enjoy things, taken pleasure in the simple aspects of life, let myself see the big picture if you will, instead of getting so hung up on the tiny details and letting them run my life.
so, during this new year i am striving for balance, in every area of my life. i want to relax and enjoy what i have left of kellenberg memorial high. no matter how much i despise it or regret going there, it is only high school but it is also 4 years of my life that i will never get back. i want to make them count. i also want to be generally happier and more mellow. i can take my own intensity, but i know in the end that i am better off somewhere in the middle, for other peoples' sakes as well as my own. life is too short to run it on even shorter fuses. i just want to enjoy myself for a change.
speaking of which, new years eve was pretty insane.
love you loo.