The loneliest number since the number one
Title: The loneliest number since the number one
Author:
stellaann
Category: Slash, Het, RPS
Pairing: Jared/Jensen/Sandy
Genre: Humor, Fluff, Romance. No angst here.
Summary: Some truths about Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, and Sandra McCoy.
Disclaimer: Yeah, I wish.
Notes/Warnings/etc: Rated R. Sexual situations, no smut though. Language.
A/N. Let me just first say that I am nervous to the extreme here. This is my first fic out of the Twilight fandom. So be gentle with me, I'm a virgin here. I had no one to beta this for me so constructive criticism is loved. I also have no friends on lj that like RPS so I have no opinions on this other than my own. I hope you enjoy this. Sorry if the P.O.V. is confusing. It's not to me but I wrote it so that means shit.
Let me tell you something about Jared Padalecki. He doesn't lie.
He may joke, jest, or kid but there is some truth to everything he tells you.
He made a drunken New Years Resolution in 2000 and has never broken it.
So... masturbating to a Tom Cruise poster in the morning? True. He does it
right after his workout almost every morning. Getting backrubs from Jensen?
About every damn day.
Being honest is tough work. Especially when you're a bi-sexual television
star with an extremely rabid fan base that picks up on EVERYTHING. That's why
he figures, 'what the hell?'. Brutal honesty is harder to believe than hidden truths.
He knows there are some people that aren't fooled though and he would come
clean with everything if it weren't for his agent. Aparently, masterbating to a "
Vanilla Sky" poster isn't "normal". Huh. Go figure because that poster is fucking hot.
But Jared is very proud of who he is. He knows that he is a little weird but he likes
it that way. He also knows that's the way a lot of his fans like him as well.
Now let me tell you something else about Jared Padalecki. He's a big guy.
Some might say giant-esque. Now, that's a lot of man to go around. In fact, there
is just enough to go around. At least, Jensen and Sandy think so. The guy's got a
bigger heart than most so it only makes sense that he can have two people reside in it.
It may not be regular but he always claimed to be anything but.
So he never lied when he said that he loved Sandy and couldn't live without
her but he also wasn't lying when he said he didn't make out with Jensen... in public.
He was also telling the truth when he said Jensen was the first 'celebrity' he made out
with. This is because Sandy refuses to consider or call herself a celebrity. Also,
he's rather gouge his eyes out with a ice-cream scooper than considering making out
with Alexis Bledel and Mary- Kate Olsen real, that was only acting and it certainly doesn't
count. So, yes, the first celebrity he made out with was Jensen and he did it in front of
4 other people, Sandy included.
Oh, so you want the story. Well, here you go because Jared would share it with
everyone if only his stupid stick-up-ass agent would let him. He would probably
even share the sex tape from two years later if he could. Well... maybe not.
*three years earlier*
It was one of those random times where you were with all the people that
mean the most to you and you want to enjoy it so much that you end up getting
WAY more drunk than you originally meant to.
You don't remember anymore who's house it was at but you had passed out
on the carpet after that fourth shot of Petrone (another thing about Jared... he's a
fucking lightweight). You do remember, however, waking up to five worried faces
around you and a soft bed under you. Well, two worried faces, two smug faces,
one annoyed face and the bed wasn't all that soft.
"Jared, honey, are you okay." Sandy was always so damn sweet.
"Dude, you are such a fucking pussy." Chad was always so damn sweet.
"You almost threw up on me." Tom was so caring.
"Oh Tom, baby, Don't worry, I would've cleaned you up nice and good."
Mike was easily distracted.
You sit up slowly and resist the urge to die. The bed dips next to you.
You turn your head slowly, vision clearing and you're looking into two perfect
peridot eyes.
"Jay, man. You fine?"
Then you've got him on the bed under you with your tongue halfway
down his throat. He struggles a little but you've always out-powered him.
You don't really remember why or how you got him under you but when you
hear the gasps and laughter above your head you let Jensen go.
This whole thing happened in about a span on 10 seconds but you're head
is so muddled you're not sure how long your tongue was in his mouth. He sits
up slowly, looking at you in fear and something else you're too drunk to decipher.
Then you look away from him and up and shock hits you because the laughter
isn't coming from Chad or Mike but from Sandy. Sweet little Sandy who is almost
to her knees with laughter. Apparently it was Tom who gasped because he's
standing there gapping like a dying guppie and Chad thinks you're the pussy. Huh.
You are about to say something to Sandy when you pass out, yet again.
You wake up and there is only Sandy there and you mumble and apology
and she just pets your head and smiles and all is good and forgotten... for about half a year.
***
Well that's how you first made out with Jensen. It was forced on him and it
was sloppy and wet and drunken and one-sided. That's not the thing that stuck
with you though. It's that it was good. The one thing you remember for sure from
that drunken night was that the feeling of his lips on yours was too good to forget.
***
Six months later and you can't stop thinking about it and it actually gets to be
so bad that Sandy says something.
"You're obsessing Jared."
You're snapped out of you hazy daydream of man on man porn.
"What?"
"You're obsessing and you're not sharing with me which must mean you're
obsessing about something that you think would upset me and the only thing
that you would think would upset me was something about you and Jensen."
You stare at her for a minute to process everything she's just rushed out.
It's true though. All that J2 stuff (that you do know about thank you very much)
really does seem to bother her.
"..."
"I Knew it! Why are you obsessing? Is Jensen mad? Are you fighting?"
"..."
"Jared you can tell me anything. The only reason that all that stuff
about you and Jensen screwing eachother bothered me was because
I thought it bothered Jensen. I think it's kinda funny actually and some of
those stories are really fuc... I mean... is Jensen being an ass to you or
something because you were drunk and he should be more understanding and..."
The thing was, Jensen was the same. Well, there were those "looks",
you know. The ones that were either predatory or jealous but he never
said anything about it and you just didn't want to push it.
"Jared. Baby. Talk to me. I won't be mad. I'll love you no matter what."
You stare at her delicate face and your heart swells and you don't
know what to say. Should you just spit out, 'Well, honey. Ever since
I shoved my tongue in his mouth I can't stop imagining shoving something
else in there and every time he looks at me a have to pinch myself to stop
from doing just that. I love you more than anything but I can't get this out of
my head and please don't hate me."
Whoops.
Turned out you had just spit all that out.
Long story short, you realize you have the most amazing girlfriend ever
and she understands because, "Hell, Jared, Jensen's hot.
You'd have to be dead to not notice."
Lucky you.
So you take her advice to "fuck it out of your system because, Jared, I
know you love me but I also know you're never going to stop obsessing."
You end up in front of his door six months and three days after you're
tongue made friendly with his. This is nothing new. You guys hang out
all the time. You just don't normally greet him with your mouth.
In retrospect, you maybe should have thought about Jensen's reaction
before shoving him against the wall. You realize this when you're on your
ass, staring up at him.
"THE FUCK, Jared?"
He just stares down at you and paces for about five minutes before you
finally stand up and in front of him.
"Are you going to regret this in the morning?"
You shake you're head.
***
Well I guess I gave you a little more than just the story of Jared's first
makeout session with Jensen. I really don't think he'd mind though.
I don't want to push it though so I wont go into details with what happened
the night that Jared definitely DIDN'T regret in the morning. He was a little
surprised, however when he realized he was in love with Jensen as well,
Sandy, on the other hand, wasn't."
***
"Yeah, you've always been gay for Jensen. I've just been too nice to say anything."
***
Now let me tell you something about Sandra McCoy. She is probably the
cutest damn person you will ever meet in your life but she is also one of the
most intelligent. She knew that Jensen was in love with Jared from the first time
she shook his hand and she knew Jared returned that love when he lit up
introducing his "brother". What was she to do, though? Honestly? She knew
Jared still loved her and she also knew she could never stop loving him? So,
when Jared decided he was hot for Jensen she wasn't surprised and she certainly
wasn't going to break up with him or anything ridiculous like that. No, she went
along with it to see where it would go and when he cried and told her he was sorry
but he thought he was in love with Jensen too, she didn't freak out or cry or yell,
she just smiled and smoothed out his hair.
"I know."
Another thing you might want to know about Sandra McCoy. She thinks
Jensen's lips are the hottest damn thing she's ever seen (besides Jared of course)
and she has probably read more online smut than Kim Manners, and that,
my friend, is saying something.
So, instead of being indignant and elusive, she was excited and inclusive.
The first time it was all three of them (Sandy's idea), it was a little awkward until
Sandy decided to take control.
***
"Umm... maybe we shouldn't have done this..."
"What? I am doing this for you Jared. So suck it up!"
"I was just going to say I don't think we should have done this here."
"Oh... Why not."
"Because this is a full size bed and I'm falling out and I don't know
how I'm going to get in you and how Jensen is going to get in me
if I can't even fucking move."
"Jared. Are you sure you want me to? I mean..."
"Jensen. Shut it. We're going to your place."
"Okay, Sandy."
"Don't forget your lube and Jared, honey, you're driving."
There was no more awkwardness or questions once they were in
Jensen's bedroom and Sandy had them all stripped.
Yep, the awkwardness pretty much dissipated.
***
Now, let me tell you something about Jensen Ackles (besides the fact
that he likes to walk around naked with a hard on.) He has wanted Jared
Padalecki since the kid grinned at him the first time. Those damn dimples
always managed to get him hard. He had decided he was going to try to get
into the kids pants. Then he met Sandy and any thought of Jared being gay
was shot down. He wasn't hurt by that or anything, no, because Jensen loved
Sandy. She was the perfect woman, if there was such a thing. He knew he was
no competition so he stopped trying before he even had started. Then the
dimpled giant had to go and kiss him.
What Jared doesn't know is that Sandy and Jensen talked that night while he
was snoring beside them. They talked about Jared. They also talked about the
fact that they were both in love with him. So Sandy knew and Jensen knew Sandy knew.
Jensen is extremely realistic so when Sandy didn't slap him with those little
hands he was more than surprised. And when she leaned in to kiss him he was
just completely fucking shocked.
Her excuse, "Jared did it first", was the best he had ever heard. They never talked
about it again but not because it wasn't good but because it was.
Oh, another thing about Jensen Ackles. He's quite the pervy little voyeur and has,
three times to be exact, watched Sandy and Jared have sex. And lets just say that
even though Jared is clueless, Sandy is quite a performer and loves a good audience.
So now lets go to present day and look in on the lovely couple... er... trio.
***
"Sandy, you took all the fucking covers again."
"Did not."
"Well then why the hell do I have no covers, huh?"
"Cause Jared stole them."
"...huh... wha... eeerrr..."
"Jared, honey, go back to sleep. You're dreaming."
"zzz..."
"You're such a little manipulator."
"You love it, Jensen."
"Grr... but I don't love being cold."
***
So, finally, let me tell you something about Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles,
and Sandy Mccoy. They're all a little weird but they are also honest, accepting
and loving. Yes, and between the three of them they are completely exclusive.
The have no need for any one else because their odd little trio is just perfect,
thank you very much.
Oh and also, now all three of them masterbate to that Tom Cruise Poster
in the morning. After that, Jared makes breakfast, Sandy and Jensen get
about 45 minutes more sleep and then they all take a shower and, boy, is
Jared glad they got that large walk in shower.
It may not always be the three of them but when it is, it's pretty damn amazing.
One last thing, Jensen helped Jared pick out Sandy's ring and Sandy
helped pick out the tattoo that they all got, below the belt.
Hey, they never said they were normal.
"One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
Two can be as bad as one
It's the loneliest number since the number one"
So three seems to be just perfect for them.
~end~
Sorry if the layout of the story is kinda wonky. I try to make it work with my lj layout. Feedback?
Thank you for reading it.
~Stella
Author:
stellaann
Category: Slash, Het, RPS
Pairing: Jared/Jensen/Sandy
Genre: Humor, Fluff, Romance. No angst here.
Summary: Some truths about Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, and Sandra McCoy.
Disclaimer: Yeah, I wish.
Notes/Warnings/etc: Rated R. Sexual situations, no smut though. Language.
A/N. Let me just first say that I am nervous to the extreme here. This is my first fic out of the Twilight fandom. So be gentle with me, I'm a virgin here. I had no one to beta this for me so constructive criticism is loved. I also have no friends on lj that like RPS so I have no opinions on this other than my own. I hope you enjoy this. Sorry if the P.O.V. is confusing. It's not to me but I wrote it so that means shit.
Let me tell you something about Jared Padalecki. He doesn't lie.
He may joke, jest, or kid but there is some truth to everything he tells you.
He made a drunken New Years Resolution in 2000 and has never broken it.
So... masturbating to a Tom Cruise poster in the morning? True. He does it
right after his workout almost every morning. Getting backrubs from Jensen?
About every damn day.
Being honest is tough work. Especially when you're a bi-sexual television
star with an extremely rabid fan base that picks up on EVERYTHING. That's why
he figures, 'what the hell?'. Brutal honesty is harder to believe than hidden truths.
He knows there are some people that aren't fooled though and he would come
clean with everything if it weren't for his agent. Aparently, masterbating to a "
Vanilla Sky" poster isn't "normal". Huh. Go figure because that poster is fucking hot.
But Jared is very proud of who he is. He knows that he is a little weird but he likes
it that way. He also knows that's the way a lot of his fans like him as well.
Now let me tell you something else about Jared Padalecki. He's a big guy.
Some might say giant-esque. Now, that's a lot of man to go around. In fact, there
is just enough to go around. At least, Jensen and Sandy think so. The guy's got a
bigger heart than most so it only makes sense that he can have two people reside in it.
It may not be regular but he always claimed to be anything but.
So he never lied when he said that he loved Sandy and couldn't live without
her but he also wasn't lying when he said he didn't make out with Jensen... in public.
He was also telling the truth when he said Jensen was the first 'celebrity' he made out
with. This is because Sandy refuses to consider or call herself a celebrity. Also,
he's rather gouge his eyes out with a ice-cream scooper than considering making out
with Alexis Bledel and Mary- Kate Olsen real, that was only acting and it certainly doesn't
count. So, yes, the first celebrity he made out with was Jensen and he did it in front of
4 other people, Sandy included.
Oh, so you want the story. Well, here you go because Jared would share it with
everyone if only his stupid stick-up-ass agent would let him. He would probably
even share the sex tape from two years later if he could. Well... maybe not.
*three years earlier*
It was one of those random times where you were with all the people that
mean the most to you and you want to enjoy it so much that you end up getting
WAY more drunk than you originally meant to.
You don't remember anymore who's house it was at but you had passed out
on the carpet after that fourth shot of Petrone (another thing about Jared... he's a
fucking lightweight). You do remember, however, waking up to five worried faces
around you and a soft bed under you. Well, two worried faces, two smug faces,
one annoyed face and the bed wasn't all that soft.
"Jared, honey, are you okay." Sandy was always so damn sweet.
"Dude, you are such a fucking pussy." Chad was always so damn sweet.
"You almost threw up on me." Tom was so caring.
"Oh Tom, baby, Don't worry, I would've cleaned you up nice and good."
Mike was easily distracted.
You sit up slowly and resist the urge to die. The bed dips next to you.
You turn your head slowly, vision clearing and you're looking into two perfect
peridot eyes.
"Jay, man. You fine?"
Then you've got him on the bed under you with your tongue halfway
down his throat. He struggles a little but you've always out-powered him.
You don't really remember why or how you got him under you but when you
hear the gasps and laughter above your head you let Jensen go.
This whole thing happened in about a span on 10 seconds but you're head
is so muddled you're not sure how long your tongue was in his mouth. He sits
up slowly, looking at you in fear and something else you're too drunk to decipher.
Then you look away from him and up and shock hits you because the laughter
isn't coming from Chad or Mike but from Sandy. Sweet little Sandy who is almost
to her knees with laughter. Apparently it was Tom who gasped because he's
standing there gapping like a dying guppie and Chad thinks you're the pussy. Huh.
You are about to say something to Sandy when you pass out, yet again.
You wake up and there is only Sandy there and you mumble and apology
and she just pets your head and smiles and all is good and forgotten... for about half a year.
***
Well that's how you first made out with Jensen. It was forced on him and it
was sloppy and wet and drunken and one-sided. That's not the thing that stuck
with you though. It's that it was good. The one thing you remember for sure from
that drunken night was that the feeling of his lips on yours was too good to forget.
***
Six months later and you can't stop thinking about it and it actually gets to be
so bad that Sandy says something.
"You're obsessing Jared."
You're snapped out of you hazy daydream of man on man porn.
"What?"
"You're obsessing and you're not sharing with me which must mean you're
obsessing about something that you think would upset me and the only thing
that you would think would upset me was something about you and Jensen."
You stare at her for a minute to process everything she's just rushed out.
It's true though. All that J2 stuff (that you do know about thank you very much)
really does seem to bother her.
"..."
"I Knew it! Why are you obsessing? Is Jensen mad? Are you fighting?"
"..."
"Jared you can tell me anything. The only reason that all that stuff
about you and Jensen screwing eachother bothered me was because
I thought it bothered Jensen. I think it's kinda funny actually and some of
those stories are really fuc... I mean... is Jensen being an ass to you or
something because you were drunk and he should be more understanding and..."
The thing was, Jensen was the same. Well, there were those "looks",
you know. The ones that were either predatory or jealous but he never
said anything about it and you just didn't want to push it.
"Jared. Baby. Talk to me. I won't be mad. I'll love you no matter what."
You stare at her delicate face and your heart swells and you don't
know what to say. Should you just spit out, 'Well, honey. Ever since
I shoved my tongue in his mouth I can't stop imagining shoving something
else in there and every time he looks at me a have to pinch myself to stop
from doing just that. I love you more than anything but I can't get this out of
my head and please don't hate me."
Whoops.
Turned out you had just spit all that out.
Long story short, you realize you have the most amazing girlfriend ever
and she understands because, "Hell, Jared, Jensen's hot.
You'd have to be dead to not notice."
Lucky you.
So you take her advice to "fuck it out of your system because, Jared, I
know you love me but I also know you're never going to stop obsessing."
You end up in front of his door six months and three days after you're
tongue made friendly with his. This is nothing new. You guys hang out
all the time. You just don't normally greet him with your mouth.
In retrospect, you maybe should have thought about Jensen's reaction
before shoving him against the wall. You realize this when you're on your
ass, staring up at him.
"THE FUCK, Jared?"
He just stares down at you and paces for about five minutes before you
finally stand up and in front of him.
"Are you going to regret this in the morning?"
You shake you're head.
***
Well I guess I gave you a little more than just the story of Jared's first
makeout session with Jensen. I really don't think he'd mind though.
I don't want to push it though so I wont go into details with what happened
the night that Jared definitely DIDN'T regret in the morning. He was a little
surprised, however when he realized he was in love with Jensen as well,
Sandy, on the other hand, wasn't."
***
"Yeah, you've always been gay for Jensen. I've just been too nice to say anything."
***
Now let me tell you something about Sandra McCoy. She is probably the
cutest damn person you will ever meet in your life but she is also one of the
most intelligent. She knew that Jensen was in love with Jared from the first time
she shook his hand and she knew Jared returned that love when he lit up
introducing his "brother". What was she to do, though? Honestly? She knew
Jared still loved her and she also knew she could never stop loving him? So,
when Jared decided he was hot for Jensen she wasn't surprised and she certainly
wasn't going to break up with him or anything ridiculous like that. No, she went
along with it to see where it would go and when he cried and told her he was sorry
but he thought he was in love with Jensen too, she didn't freak out or cry or yell,
she just smiled and smoothed out his hair.
"I know."
Another thing you might want to know about Sandra McCoy. She thinks
Jensen's lips are the hottest damn thing she's ever seen (besides Jared of course)
and she has probably read more online smut than Kim Manners, and that,
my friend, is saying something.
So, instead of being indignant and elusive, she was excited and inclusive.
The first time it was all three of them (Sandy's idea), it was a little awkward until
Sandy decided to take control.
***
"Umm... maybe we shouldn't have done this..."
"What? I am doing this for you Jared. So suck it up!"
"I was just going to say I don't think we should have done this here."
"Oh... Why not."
"Because this is a full size bed and I'm falling out and I don't know
how I'm going to get in you and how Jensen is going to get in me
if I can't even fucking move."
"Jared. Are you sure you want me to? I mean..."
"Jensen. Shut it. We're going to your place."
"Okay, Sandy."
"Don't forget your lube and Jared, honey, you're driving."
There was no more awkwardness or questions once they were in
Jensen's bedroom and Sandy had them all stripped.
Yep, the awkwardness pretty much dissipated.
***
Now, let me tell you something about Jensen Ackles (besides the fact
that he likes to walk around naked with a hard on.) He has wanted Jared
Padalecki since the kid grinned at him the first time. Those damn dimples
always managed to get him hard. He had decided he was going to try to get
into the kids pants. Then he met Sandy and any thought of Jared being gay
was shot down. He wasn't hurt by that or anything, no, because Jensen loved
Sandy. She was the perfect woman, if there was such a thing. He knew he was
no competition so he stopped trying before he even had started. Then the
dimpled giant had to go and kiss him.
What Jared doesn't know is that Sandy and Jensen talked that night while he
was snoring beside them. They talked about Jared. They also talked about the
fact that they were both in love with him. So Sandy knew and Jensen knew Sandy knew.
Jensen is extremely realistic so when Sandy didn't slap him with those little
hands he was more than surprised. And when she leaned in to kiss him he was
just completely fucking shocked.
Her excuse, "Jared did it first", was the best he had ever heard. They never talked
about it again but not because it wasn't good but because it was.
Oh, another thing about Jensen Ackles. He's quite the pervy little voyeur and has,
three times to be exact, watched Sandy and Jared have sex. And lets just say that
even though Jared is clueless, Sandy is quite a performer and loves a good audience.
So now lets go to present day and look in on the lovely couple... er... trio.
***
"Sandy, you took all the fucking covers again."
"Did not."
"Well then why the hell do I have no covers, huh?"
"Cause Jared stole them."
"...huh... wha... eeerrr..."
"Jared, honey, go back to sleep. You're dreaming."
"zzz..."
"You're such a little manipulator."
"You love it, Jensen."
"Grr... but I don't love being cold."
***
So, finally, let me tell you something about Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles,
and Sandy Mccoy. They're all a little weird but they are also honest, accepting
and loving. Yes, and between the three of them they are completely exclusive.
The have no need for any one else because their odd little trio is just perfect,
thank you very much.
Oh and also, now all three of them masterbate to that Tom Cruise Poster
in the morning. After that, Jared makes breakfast, Sandy and Jensen get
about 45 minutes more sleep and then they all take a shower and, boy, is
Jared glad they got that large walk in shower.
It may not always be the three of them but when it is, it's pretty damn amazing.
One last thing, Jensen helped Jared pick out Sandy's ring and Sandy
helped pick out the tattoo that they all got, below the belt.
Hey, they never said they were normal.
"One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
Two can be as bad as one
It's the loneliest number since the number one"
So three seems to be just perfect for them.
~end~
Sorry if the layout of the story is kinda wonky. I try to make it work with my lj layout. Feedback?
Thank you for reading it.
~Stella