A Walk in the Village
Title: A Walk in the Village
Author: stella_pegasi
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Rating: PG
Character/Pairing: John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, recurring characters, OC
Spoilers: None
Het/Slash/Gen: Gen
Word count: 3,902
Disclaimer: I do not own them, I would have treated them better.
Summary: As usual, a mission searching for an Ancient outpost doesn’t quite go as planned but only Dr. McKay doesn’t see the humor in what happens.
(Originally posted on fanfiction.net.)
Looking forward to hearing from you about McKay’s little “adventure”.
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A WALK IN THE VILLAGE
Part One:
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard was running through the village, his boots making hard thumping sounds on the packed dirt streets. He was racing toward where he thought Rodney McKay was and he knew McKay was in trouble. Tapping his COM, he ordered Lieutenant Stackhouse and Corporal Brenner to head toward the eastern edge of the village.
Moments before, his com unit had crackled with McKay’s voice yelling for him, “Sheppard! Help! I need…”, then nothing. His heart had felt like it was pounding out of his chest as he pulled the life signs scanner from his tac vest; he knew there were a lot of people around and wasn’t certain if he could even figure out which blip was McKay; if any blip was McKay. He shouldn’t have worried; there were many life signs showing on the scanner’s screen and most of them were moving in the same direction, toward a single stationary blip. Without a doubt, he knew the stationary figure had to be McKay. “What has McKay gotten into this time?” he wondered as he kept running.
He and Dr. Rodney McKay, along with two Marines, had gated to the planet only a short time before. Rodney found a reference in the Atlantis database to an Ancient research facility located there and he was determined to check it out. Sheppard was reluctant, wanting to wait until the other two members of the team could accompany them. McKay, however, insisted they go now; they might find a ZPM or some really cool Ancient tech there. Sheppard gave in, as he almost always did, to Rodney’s pleas and he agreed to go.
Teyla and Ronon had gone off-world to attend another harvest festival being held by one of their trading partners. Sheppard and McKay decided that they had had enough festivals to last a lifetime and declined the invitation. Besides, McKay wasn’t exactly welcomed back to that particular planet, at least for any of their celebrations. What happened the last time Rodney attended a festival there was unfortunate.
Sheppard assigned Lt. Stackhouse and Cpl. Brenner to join them; he wasn’t going to let Rodney convince him again that this was just a quick trip to look for an ancient facility and they didn’t need anyone else to come along. He remembered the last time he and Rodney went out without backup for a “quick look” at another possible ancient facility located on an uninhabited planet. Although he knew better, Sheppard allowed Rodney to lull him to thinking they didn’t need backup. Rodney, exasperated with the colonel who he called “Mr. Over-protective”, reminded him that the planet was safe; there was no one there.
So much for uninhabited; the apparently unhappy inhabitants shot him as he was trying to get Rodney back to the jumper. Rodney had to take care of his very serious wounds and get them both home alive on his own. Sheppard knew Teyla had insisted that the natives of the planet they were currently on were simple, kind souls who traded fairly. However, he was not taking any chances to repeat that mistake again; he brought backup.
When they arrived on the planet they found a wide, well maintained path which led east from the stargate. Teyla had described the planet as a bit more developed than many that they had visited; Sheppard surmised the main village must be somewhat like an Earth town of the late 1800’s. The walk to the village took about 10 minutes and along the way they passed cultivated fields close to harvest and a few open fields where small horse-like animals were grazing. Dr. McKay was oblivious to the scenery; he was too busy checking the scanner for signs of an Ancient energy source.
As they got closer to the village, they passed simple houses made of stone with thatched or tiled roofs; the yards were neat and had colorful gardens. The path soon became more and more crowded with villagers, dressed in clothing made of fine fabrics of bright colors; the orange, burgundy, green and gold hues reminded the colonel of the blazing fall foliage in Maryland where he grew up. The villagers greeted the men of Atlantis warmly.
Lt. Stackhouse, having just said hello to a very pretty young woman who had smiled coyly at him, remarked, “Colonel, these people don’t seem to be surprised at seeing strangers walk past. Teyla was right about how friendly they are.”
Colonel Sheppard glanced at Stackhouse who was still watching the young woman and then at Brenner who was taking in everything with an incredulous look on his face. “Boys, don’t forget why we’re here, this is a scouting mission for a new trading partner and possible Ancient tech, not a scouting mission for a Saturday night date.” Both of the “boys” laughed but they didn’t miss the colonel’s long gaze at another very lovely woman who walked passed them.
Soon the houses became businesses and they were at the edge of town. Buildings of rough hewn bricks and stones, some two and three stories high, lined several streets that appeared to lead to the town center. The village was very quaint and looked quiet and friendly but Sheppard did not let down his guard. He ordered the two Marines to split up and walk the perimeter of the village in opposite directions. Once they met up again, Sheppard told them to head toward the center of the village; he and McKay were going there to find the village leader.
Stackhouse nodded, “Understood, colonel.” Turning to Brenner, he motioned to the corporal to head north while he would take the southern side of the village. Stackhouse had been on Atlantis since the expedition first arrived and Sheppard had watched him grow into an excellent soldier. Brenner was a newbie; joining the military contingent on Atlantis two weeks before when the Apollo had arrived from Earth. Sheppard decided that Stackhouse would be a good mentor for the corporal and this routine scouting mission would be a good way to introduce the Marine to the Pegasus galaxy.
McKay was his usual self, totally absorbed in scanning for something, anything, Ancient. They walked down what appeared to be the main street of the small village; Sheppard intending to locate the village leader to introduce themselves before they went nosing into doorways. They were approaching the town square when a couple of young boys came spilling out onto the street from the doorway of what appeared to be an inn. The boys, about 10 and 12 years old, were fighting, each landing some hard punches. A dark haired woman, dressed in a green tunic and gold skirt, came running out the door after them, yelling for them to stop. Sheppard raced over and, grabbing each boy by the back of his shirt, he pulled them apart.
“Hey, boys, stop this; what’s going on?”
Both boys looked up at Sheppard and began talking over each other; one boy yelling, “He took my…’ No, I didn’t!” yelled the other one.
The woman who had now taken the boys by the arms looked up at Sheppard, “Thank you, kind visitor. I am Dena Beasen and I am the proprietor of the inn and these are my sons, Micus and Weyen. My sons sometimes do not get along or remember how to share. I appreciate your help in stopping them before one was hurt.”
“No problem, ma’am. I have had my share of keeping young men in line.” Sheppard was thinking specifically of McKay instead of the men in his command, although McKay wasn’t all that young. “I am Lt. Colonel John Sheppard and we are here to discuss possible trade with your people.”
“Is there anything I can help you with, kind sir?” the mother asked.
“Could you tell me where we can find the leader of your village?”
She smiled, “The Elder can be found in the largest building on the square; the one with the dark green shade cover over the entrance. Welcome to our village.”
Sheppard thanked her and turned around to grab McKay and head for the village square. “Rodney, let’s go find the Elder.” But Rodney wasn’t there; looking around, Sheppard couldn’t see Rodney anywhere. When he could not raise Rodney on his communicator, he contacted Stackhouse.
“Lieutenant, McKay has walked away from me; I don’t see him anywhere and I can’t raise him on his com. I am just about in the center of the square. What’s your 20?
“Colonel, I am on the south side of the village about half way around I think, Brenner's on the north.
“Both of you head toward the center of the village, I don’t think he’s had time to leave the village proper.” Stackhouse replied he understood and Sheppard kept walking toward the square. Seconds later, he got the frantic call from Rodney.
Part Two:
As he slipped his tall frame through the crowd of the people, which was getting thicker the closer he got to the blip that could be McKay, Sheppard heard laughter. Laughter, plus a missing McKay, he knew this could not be good. A large crowd of people were surrounding something but Sheppard couldn’t yet see what they were looking at. When they noticed him, the villagers parted to allow him a better view.
In front of him was a large, rectangular hole in the ground, wooden barricades had been placed around the perimeter of the pit and laying on the ground, next to a broken barricade, he saw a scanner and a computer pad. He really didn’t want to get any closer because he was pretty certain he knew what the pit was for but he walked over to the edge and looked in at a very unhappy Dr. Rodney McKay.
Sheppard knelt down along the edge of the pit, ran his hand through his unruly dark hair, and tried to compose himself. The first word out of his mouth was, “Crap.” Then he added, “Rodney, are you OK? “
McKay glared at Sheppard, “Very funny, colonel, do I look ok?”
Sheppard bit his lip; Rodney had fallen into what appeared to be a latrine and was covered in brown muck, brown, very aromatic and extremely thick muck, up to his neck. “Rodney, you appear to have fallen in a hole and I hope that isn’t what I think it is, but by the smell of it, yeah…looks like a latrine.”
“Great powers of observation by ‘Mr. I could have been MENSA! Sheppard, get me out of here! This stuff is so thick, I can’t move.”
“Rodney, I’ll get you out of there, just be patient. Why didn’t you answer me when I called for you; I was trying to reach you after you wandered away from the inn. Then I get this frantic call about you needing help. Scared me there for a minute, buddy.”
A very annoyed look crossed McKay’s face, at least what Sheppard could see of his face, Rodney snapped an answer. “Colonel, I was a bit preoccupied when you called, I was falling into this stupid hole and then when I was calling for you to get your butt here to help me, my com fell off into this…stuff.”
Stackhouse and Brenner arrived at the same time and stopped a few feet from the colonel. Stackhouse took one look and asked the colonel, “Sir, it that what I think it is?” Nodding yes to Stackhouse, the colonel stood up. He turned to look directly at the two Marines who could tell the colonel was trying very hard not to laugh.
“Stackhouse, get back to the gate, have Atlantis send some guys to help us get McKay out of there. That stuff is very thick and he really can’t move. Also, let Dr. Keller know that McKay fell into a latrine pit and we are going to need some clean clothes,” Sheppard paused, “and a lot of hand sanitizer.” With that, Brenner lost it and began to laugh; Stackhouse couldn’t hold back any longer either and both of them were shaking from laughter. Sheppard was having a really hard time not joining them.
McKay yelled from the pit, “Laugh it up goons; laugh at the silly man who will most likely die from whatever is in this hole. And why wasn’t there some type of barricade. I could have been killed!”
A villager walked up to Sheppard and introduced himself: “I am Venen Mesaz, the Elder of this village.”
“Colonel John Sheppard, sir. We have a mutual friend who is a member of my team, Teyla Emmagen, who sends you good greetings.”
“Yes, I have known Teyla and her people for a very long time, colonel. We are aware that she has joined those who now live in the ancestor city. You are welcome to our village.” Mesaz bowed slightly to Sheppard, who returned the gesture. Mesaz then turned to look at the very unhappy McKay standing in the middle of the pit, “However, one of you is not having a very nice visit with us this day.”
Sheppard grinned and pointed to Rodney, “That would be Dr. Rodney McKay, our chief scientist, and with me are Lt. Stackhouse and Cpl. Brenner. I was just dispatching the lieutenant to the stargate, uh, ancestral ring, so he can contact Atlantis and get more people to help get McKay out of there.”
“Colonel, no need for anyone else, we have sent for ropes, the young men of the village can get Dr. McKay out. We are already warming water, lots of water, to rinse the waste off of him and will have clean clothes for him.”
“That is very kind, Elder Mesaz. I know McKay will be happy to get out of there and for your help. I’m still going to have our medical team come and check him out. No telling what he may have gotten into.” Sheppard realized what he said and couldn’t hold the laughter back any longer. He looked at the Elder, who was also trying not to laugh at the plight of his guest, and said, “Well, I guess we know what he’s gotten into!”
The elder continued, “I am very sorry that your man did not see the barricades. A couple of our people say he was walking very quickly, talking to himself while looking at a small device he was carrying and simply did not see the hole. He fell over the barricade, breaking it, and then rolled into the pit. We have dug a new hole on another side of town and just this morning moved the shelter from here and placed it at the new site. There is dirt on the way to fill in this hole.”
As Stackhouse left to contact Atlantis, several young men arrived with ropes and a cart pulled by one of the short, stocky animals they had observed grazing in the fields on the path to the village. Sheppard started walking toward the new arrivals but Cpl. Brenner stopped him. “Colonel, sir, I know you want to help but let me. No sense in you getting that stuff all over you. I have a feeling that Dr. McKay won’t come out of there too easily; that muck is kind of thick.”
“Thank you, corporal. Go right ahead.” Sheppard was proud of his newbie; way to score points with his CO, not bad for his first mission. Besides, who was going to take the pictures of McKay in the latrine pit, if he had to help?
Part Three:
Dr. Keller and two EMT’s, along with a team of Marines arrived to find McKay still in the pit. Dr. Radek Zelenka, second in command of the science department was with them. Sheppard laughed, he was certain that Radek had requested to come “help” rescue Rodney; he would never come to gloat. A villager had thrown the rope to Rodney several times but Rodney managed to grab it only once. The villagers had begun to pull him out when he lost his grip on the slippery rope and fell back into the pit. He was not a very happy man; then he spotted Zelenka kneeling next to the edge, grinning at him. He was really unhappy then.
“Oh, great, you just couldn’t stay away could you Zelenka? Bring your camera? I know you will want to share my plight with everyone on Atlantis!”
Zelenka looked over at Sheppard and smiled mischievously, “Rodney, I would never do such a thing. I do not have camera with me. I am here because I was concerned for your safety.”
“Yeah, like I believe that…you don’t have a camera! Wait; wait…if you don’t have a camera, then…Sheppard!” Sheppard only smiled innocently at Rodney. McKay looked defeated, “Ok; I am not only a dead man but a dead and embarrassed man. This could not get any worse.”
But it did. After two more tries to get the rope to McKay, the villagers were about to admit defeat when one of the Marines who just arrived spoke up. “Colonel, I’m pretty good with ropes; grew up on a cattle ranch in Florida. I might be able to lasso him so that we can pull him out, sir.”
Colonel Sheppard stared at the very serious Marine whose name was Patterson, and tried to stay focused, he was imagining an image of McKay lassoed and tied. With a great deal of effort, he said, “Go ahead, Sergeant; see if you can get him out.” Looking over at Zelenka who had his hand over his mouth, he knew they both were on the verge of losing what little decorum they had left. Sheppard went over to Zelenka and handed him the camera and whispered, “Have fun.”
Dr. Keller, observing the exchange between Sheppard and Zelenka, walked up to the military leader. “You do realize that Rodney could become very ill from what he has been exposed to in that pit. This is not a laughing matter, colonel.”
Duly chastised, Sheppard became serious and said, “That’s why I called for you as soon as I realized what he had gotten himself into. I know he can get really sick from this and I’m very worried about him; I was hoping you could work your magic and ward off anything nasty.” He had been watching McKay missed the rope one more time, then turned back to Dr. Keller, “But, doc, you gotta admit, this is pretty funny.”
Keller looked at Rodney standing forlornly in the pit and said, “Yes, colonel, it is”, as she tried to keep from smiling.
Sergeant Patterson retrieved a clean rope from a duffle bag he brought with him and fastened it into a lasso. As he stepped up to the edge of the pit, Dr. McKay realized what the sergeant was going to do. He looked pleadingly at Sheppard, “He is so not going to do that, is he?” Sheppard just grinned back, his green eyes sparkling.
The sergeant asked McKay, “Sir, can you move your arms straight above your head?” Rodney was muttering to himself but with much effort, he dragged his arms out of the thick muck again and held them over his head, thick brown clumps oozing down onto his shoulders. The sergeant yelled, “Ready, Dr. McKay? I need for you to stand real still.” McKay nodded and the sergeant threw the rope. Within seconds, the rope slipped over McKay, the sergeant tightened it, and together the Marines and the villagers began to pull the weary scientist from the pit.
Part Four:
A few days later, Dr. Keller gave McKay a clean bill of health. He had developed a slight skin rash and she had been concerned about the material that McKay had aspirated into his lungs when he developed a slight cough. However, she prescribed the maximum doses of antibiotics and immune system stimulants, along with lots of scrubbing and he had not developed any serious infections.
Elder Meraz explained that the waste in the pit was so thick because of a plant root that they dried and ground up and added to the waste. It bound the waste and made covering it much easier when they needed to dig a new pit. It also helped keep the fluid in the pit from leaching into the ground and contaminating the streams that ran along two sides of the village. The biohazard engineers were fascinated and had dragged some botanists back to the planet with them to study the plant.
There was, in fact, an Ancient outpost on the planet; Dr. Zelenka led the team that was beginning to investigate the abandoned facility. So far, they had uncovered some promising Ancient technology in a building located just east of the old latrine pit. Rodney had been heading in the right direction when he had his unfortunate detour.
Sgt. Patterson had returned to the village after some of the men who were helping rescue Dr. McKay asked him to teach them how to lasso; the villagers indicated they wanted to learn so that they could control the little cart animals better. Sheppard believed it was more likely that those young men thought the sergeant looked pretty cool as he roped and tied McKay. The sergeant’s fellow marines had nicknamed him Tex after word got around Atlantis of how he had rescued Dr. McKay.
The Elder, Teyla and Sheppard had negotiated a trade agreement; medical supplies along with regular visits to the village by medical staff and assistance in improve farming techniques in exchange for fresh vegetables, a really good fruit they sampled, and more information about the roots and herbs they used for cooking and healing. Teyla also negotiated to trade for the colorful fabric the villagers wove from a silk like thread and dyed using berries and plant materials. She had insisted that the cloth would be an enticing trade item when they were negotiating on other planets. Sheppard wasn’t sure any of the fabric would make it that far after seeing how excited Teyla, Jennifer and some of the other women on Atlantis were once they had the material in their hands.
All in all, despite Rodney’s fall into the pit, the mission was a success and from Colonel Sheppard’s and Dr. Zelenka’s point of view on the next movie night, it proved an even better success. Rodney was especially happy since they were watching the latest Batman movie and had gotten to the lounge early to get a front row seat. Once everyone had taken their seats, Dr. Zelenka announced that before the feature movie, there would be a short film; a very special presentation. The camera the colonel had with him that day was a movie camera and Zelenka had edited the recordings that he and the colonel had taken, adding narration and music. The lights dimmed and the movie began, on the screen appeared the title, Dr. McKay: the Man, the Pit and the Rope or How Not to Walk Through a Village.
“Sheppard, Zelenka, this is unfair! How could you do this to me? Yeah, sure, make fun when I could have died! Just have a good laugh, people!” Rodney immediately began whining but his protestations fell on deaf ears as everyone settled in. As the camera zoomed in on McKay’s muck covered face, Colonel Sheppard could be heard yelling over the laughter, “Who wants popcorn?”
The End
Author: stella_pegasi
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Rating: PG
Character/Pairing: John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, recurring characters, OC
Spoilers: None
Het/Slash/Gen: Gen
Word count: 3,902
Disclaimer: I do not own them, I would have treated them better.
Summary: As usual, a mission searching for an Ancient outpost doesn’t quite go as planned but only Dr. McKay doesn’t see the humor in what happens.
(Originally posted on fanfiction.net.)
Looking forward to hearing from you about McKay’s little “adventure”.
lj-cut>
A WALK IN THE VILLAGE
Part One:
Lt. Colonel John Sheppard was running through the village, his boots making hard thumping sounds on the packed dirt streets. He was racing toward where he thought Rodney McKay was and he knew McKay was in trouble. Tapping his COM, he ordered Lieutenant Stackhouse and Corporal Brenner to head toward the eastern edge of the village.
Moments before, his com unit had crackled with McKay’s voice yelling for him, “Sheppard! Help! I need…”, then nothing. His heart had felt like it was pounding out of his chest as he pulled the life signs scanner from his tac vest; he knew there were a lot of people around and wasn’t certain if he could even figure out which blip was McKay; if any blip was McKay. He shouldn’t have worried; there were many life signs showing on the scanner’s screen and most of them were moving in the same direction, toward a single stationary blip. Without a doubt, he knew the stationary figure had to be McKay. “What has McKay gotten into this time?” he wondered as he kept running.
He and Dr. Rodney McKay, along with two Marines, had gated to the planet only a short time before. Rodney found a reference in the Atlantis database to an Ancient research facility located there and he was determined to check it out. Sheppard was reluctant, wanting to wait until the other two members of the team could accompany them. McKay, however, insisted they go now; they might find a ZPM or some really cool Ancient tech there. Sheppard gave in, as he almost always did, to Rodney’s pleas and he agreed to go.
Teyla and Ronon had gone off-world to attend another harvest festival being held by one of their trading partners. Sheppard and McKay decided that they had had enough festivals to last a lifetime and declined the invitation. Besides, McKay wasn’t exactly welcomed back to that particular planet, at least for any of their celebrations. What happened the last time Rodney attended a festival there was unfortunate.
Sheppard assigned Lt. Stackhouse and Cpl. Brenner to join them; he wasn’t going to let Rodney convince him again that this was just a quick trip to look for an ancient facility and they didn’t need anyone else to come along. He remembered the last time he and Rodney went out without backup for a “quick look” at another possible ancient facility located on an uninhabited planet. Although he knew better, Sheppard allowed Rodney to lull him to thinking they didn’t need backup. Rodney, exasperated with the colonel who he called “Mr. Over-protective”, reminded him that the planet was safe; there was no one there.
So much for uninhabited; the apparently unhappy inhabitants shot him as he was trying to get Rodney back to the jumper. Rodney had to take care of his very serious wounds and get them both home alive on his own. Sheppard knew Teyla had insisted that the natives of the planet they were currently on were simple, kind souls who traded fairly. However, he was not taking any chances to repeat that mistake again; he brought backup.
When they arrived on the planet they found a wide, well maintained path which led east from the stargate. Teyla had described the planet as a bit more developed than many that they had visited; Sheppard surmised the main village must be somewhat like an Earth town of the late 1800’s. The walk to the village took about 10 minutes and along the way they passed cultivated fields close to harvest and a few open fields where small horse-like animals were grazing. Dr. McKay was oblivious to the scenery; he was too busy checking the scanner for signs of an Ancient energy source.
As they got closer to the village, they passed simple houses made of stone with thatched or tiled roofs; the yards were neat and had colorful gardens. The path soon became more and more crowded with villagers, dressed in clothing made of fine fabrics of bright colors; the orange, burgundy, green and gold hues reminded the colonel of the blazing fall foliage in Maryland where he grew up. The villagers greeted the men of Atlantis warmly.
Lt. Stackhouse, having just said hello to a very pretty young woman who had smiled coyly at him, remarked, “Colonel, these people don’t seem to be surprised at seeing strangers walk past. Teyla was right about how friendly they are.”
Colonel Sheppard glanced at Stackhouse who was still watching the young woman and then at Brenner who was taking in everything with an incredulous look on his face. “Boys, don’t forget why we’re here, this is a scouting mission for a new trading partner and possible Ancient tech, not a scouting mission for a Saturday night date.” Both of the “boys” laughed but they didn’t miss the colonel’s long gaze at another very lovely woman who walked passed them.
Soon the houses became businesses and they were at the edge of town. Buildings of rough hewn bricks and stones, some two and three stories high, lined several streets that appeared to lead to the town center. The village was very quaint and looked quiet and friendly but Sheppard did not let down his guard. He ordered the two Marines to split up and walk the perimeter of the village in opposite directions. Once they met up again, Sheppard told them to head toward the center of the village; he and McKay were going there to find the village leader.
Stackhouse nodded, “Understood, colonel.” Turning to Brenner, he motioned to the corporal to head north while he would take the southern side of the village. Stackhouse had been on Atlantis since the expedition first arrived and Sheppard had watched him grow into an excellent soldier. Brenner was a newbie; joining the military contingent on Atlantis two weeks before when the Apollo had arrived from Earth. Sheppard decided that Stackhouse would be a good mentor for the corporal and this routine scouting mission would be a good way to introduce the Marine to the Pegasus galaxy.
McKay was his usual self, totally absorbed in scanning for something, anything, Ancient. They walked down what appeared to be the main street of the small village; Sheppard intending to locate the village leader to introduce themselves before they went nosing into doorways. They were approaching the town square when a couple of young boys came spilling out onto the street from the doorway of what appeared to be an inn. The boys, about 10 and 12 years old, were fighting, each landing some hard punches. A dark haired woman, dressed in a green tunic and gold skirt, came running out the door after them, yelling for them to stop. Sheppard raced over and, grabbing each boy by the back of his shirt, he pulled them apart.
“Hey, boys, stop this; what’s going on?”
Both boys looked up at Sheppard and began talking over each other; one boy yelling, “He took my…’ No, I didn’t!” yelled the other one.
The woman who had now taken the boys by the arms looked up at Sheppard, “Thank you, kind visitor. I am Dena Beasen and I am the proprietor of the inn and these are my sons, Micus and Weyen. My sons sometimes do not get along or remember how to share. I appreciate your help in stopping them before one was hurt.”
“No problem, ma’am. I have had my share of keeping young men in line.” Sheppard was thinking specifically of McKay instead of the men in his command, although McKay wasn’t all that young. “I am Lt. Colonel John Sheppard and we are here to discuss possible trade with your people.”
“Is there anything I can help you with, kind sir?” the mother asked.
“Could you tell me where we can find the leader of your village?”
She smiled, “The Elder can be found in the largest building on the square; the one with the dark green shade cover over the entrance. Welcome to our village.”
Sheppard thanked her and turned around to grab McKay and head for the village square. “Rodney, let’s go find the Elder.” But Rodney wasn’t there; looking around, Sheppard couldn’t see Rodney anywhere. When he could not raise Rodney on his communicator, he contacted Stackhouse.
“Lieutenant, McKay has walked away from me; I don’t see him anywhere and I can’t raise him on his com. I am just about in the center of the square. What’s your 20?
“Colonel, I am on the south side of the village about half way around I think, Brenner's on the north.
“Both of you head toward the center of the village, I don’t think he’s had time to leave the village proper.” Stackhouse replied he understood and Sheppard kept walking toward the square. Seconds later, he got the frantic call from Rodney.
Part Two:
As he slipped his tall frame through the crowd of the people, which was getting thicker the closer he got to the blip that could be McKay, Sheppard heard laughter. Laughter, plus a missing McKay, he knew this could not be good. A large crowd of people were surrounding something but Sheppard couldn’t yet see what they were looking at. When they noticed him, the villagers parted to allow him a better view.
In front of him was a large, rectangular hole in the ground, wooden barricades had been placed around the perimeter of the pit and laying on the ground, next to a broken barricade, he saw a scanner and a computer pad. He really didn’t want to get any closer because he was pretty certain he knew what the pit was for but he walked over to the edge and looked in at a very unhappy Dr. Rodney McKay.
Sheppard knelt down along the edge of the pit, ran his hand through his unruly dark hair, and tried to compose himself. The first word out of his mouth was, “Crap.” Then he added, “Rodney, are you OK? “
McKay glared at Sheppard, “Very funny, colonel, do I look ok?”
Sheppard bit his lip; Rodney had fallen into what appeared to be a latrine and was covered in brown muck, brown, very aromatic and extremely thick muck, up to his neck. “Rodney, you appear to have fallen in a hole and I hope that isn’t what I think it is, but by the smell of it, yeah…looks like a latrine.”
“Great powers of observation by ‘Mr. I could have been MENSA! Sheppard, get me out of here! This stuff is so thick, I can’t move.”
“Rodney, I’ll get you out of there, just be patient. Why didn’t you answer me when I called for you; I was trying to reach you after you wandered away from the inn. Then I get this frantic call about you needing help. Scared me there for a minute, buddy.”
A very annoyed look crossed McKay’s face, at least what Sheppard could see of his face, Rodney snapped an answer. “Colonel, I was a bit preoccupied when you called, I was falling into this stupid hole and then when I was calling for you to get your butt here to help me, my com fell off into this…stuff.”
Stackhouse and Brenner arrived at the same time and stopped a few feet from the colonel. Stackhouse took one look and asked the colonel, “Sir, it that what I think it is?” Nodding yes to Stackhouse, the colonel stood up. He turned to look directly at the two Marines who could tell the colonel was trying very hard not to laugh.
“Stackhouse, get back to the gate, have Atlantis send some guys to help us get McKay out of there. That stuff is very thick and he really can’t move. Also, let Dr. Keller know that McKay fell into a latrine pit and we are going to need some clean clothes,” Sheppard paused, “and a lot of hand sanitizer.” With that, Brenner lost it and began to laugh; Stackhouse couldn’t hold back any longer either and both of them were shaking from laughter. Sheppard was having a really hard time not joining them.
McKay yelled from the pit, “Laugh it up goons; laugh at the silly man who will most likely die from whatever is in this hole. And why wasn’t there some type of barricade. I could have been killed!”
A villager walked up to Sheppard and introduced himself: “I am Venen Mesaz, the Elder of this village.”
“Colonel John Sheppard, sir. We have a mutual friend who is a member of my team, Teyla Emmagen, who sends you good greetings.”
“Yes, I have known Teyla and her people for a very long time, colonel. We are aware that she has joined those who now live in the ancestor city. You are welcome to our village.” Mesaz bowed slightly to Sheppard, who returned the gesture. Mesaz then turned to look at the very unhappy McKay standing in the middle of the pit, “However, one of you is not having a very nice visit with us this day.”
Sheppard grinned and pointed to Rodney, “That would be Dr. Rodney McKay, our chief scientist, and with me are Lt. Stackhouse and Cpl. Brenner. I was just dispatching the lieutenant to the stargate, uh, ancestral ring, so he can contact Atlantis and get more people to help get McKay out of there.”
“Colonel, no need for anyone else, we have sent for ropes, the young men of the village can get Dr. McKay out. We are already warming water, lots of water, to rinse the waste off of him and will have clean clothes for him.”
“That is very kind, Elder Mesaz. I know McKay will be happy to get out of there and for your help. I’m still going to have our medical team come and check him out. No telling what he may have gotten into.” Sheppard realized what he said and couldn’t hold the laughter back any longer. He looked at the Elder, who was also trying not to laugh at the plight of his guest, and said, “Well, I guess we know what he’s gotten into!”
The elder continued, “I am very sorry that your man did not see the barricades. A couple of our people say he was walking very quickly, talking to himself while looking at a small device he was carrying and simply did not see the hole. He fell over the barricade, breaking it, and then rolled into the pit. We have dug a new hole on another side of town and just this morning moved the shelter from here and placed it at the new site. There is dirt on the way to fill in this hole.”
As Stackhouse left to contact Atlantis, several young men arrived with ropes and a cart pulled by one of the short, stocky animals they had observed grazing in the fields on the path to the village. Sheppard started walking toward the new arrivals but Cpl. Brenner stopped him. “Colonel, sir, I know you want to help but let me. No sense in you getting that stuff all over you. I have a feeling that Dr. McKay won’t come out of there too easily; that muck is kind of thick.”
“Thank you, corporal. Go right ahead.” Sheppard was proud of his newbie; way to score points with his CO, not bad for his first mission. Besides, who was going to take the pictures of McKay in the latrine pit, if he had to help?
Part Three:
Dr. Keller and two EMT’s, along with a team of Marines arrived to find McKay still in the pit. Dr. Radek Zelenka, second in command of the science department was with them. Sheppard laughed, he was certain that Radek had requested to come “help” rescue Rodney; he would never come to gloat. A villager had thrown the rope to Rodney several times but Rodney managed to grab it only once. The villagers had begun to pull him out when he lost his grip on the slippery rope and fell back into the pit. He was not a very happy man; then he spotted Zelenka kneeling next to the edge, grinning at him. He was really unhappy then.
“Oh, great, you just couldn’t stay away could you Zelenka? Bring your camera? I know you will want to share my plight with everyone on Atlantis!”
Zelenka looked over at Sheppard and smiled mischievously, “Rodney, I would never do such a thing. I do not have camera with me. I am here because I was concerned for your safety.”
“Yeah, like I believe that…you don’t have a camera! Wait; wait…if you don’t have a camera, then…Sheppard!” Sheppard only smiled innocently at Rodney. McKay looked defeated, “Ok; I am not only a dead man but a dead and embarrassed man. This could not get any worse.”
But it did. After two more tries to get the rope to McKay, the villagers were about to admit defeat when one of the Marines who just arrived spoke up. “Colonel, I’m pretty good with ropes; grew up on a cattle ranch in Florida. I might be able to lasso him so that we can pull him out, sir.”
Colonel Sheppard stared at the very serious Marine whose name was Patterson, and tried to stay focused, he was imagining an image of McKay lassoed and tied. With a great deal of effort, he said, “Go ahead, Sergeant; see if you can get him out.” Looking over at Zelenka who had his hand over his mouth, he knew they both were on the verge of losing what little decorum they had left. Sheppard went over to Zelenka and handed him the camera and whispered, “Have fun.”
Dr. Keller, observing the exchange between Sheppard and Zelenka, walked up to the military leader. “You do realize that Rodney could become very ill from what he has been exposed to in that pit. This is not a laughing matter, colonel.”
Duly chastised, Sheppard became serious and said, “That’s why I called for you as soon as I realized what he had gotten himself into. I know he can get really sick from this and I’m very worried about him; I was hoping you could work your magic and ward off anything nasty.” He had been watching McKay missed the rope one more time, then turned back to Dr. Keller, “But, doc, you gotta admit, this is pretty funny.”
Keller looked at Rodney standing forlornly in the pit and said, “Yes, colonel, it is”, as she tried to keep from smiling.
Sergeant Patterson retrieved a clean rope from a duffle bag he brought with him and fastened it into a lasso. As he stepped up to the edge of the pit, Dr. McKay realized what the sergeant was going to do. He looked pleadingly at Sheppard, “He is so not going to do that, is he?” Sheppard just grinned back, his green eyes sparkling.
The sergeant asked McKay, “Sir, can you move your arms straight above your head?” Rodney was muttering to himself but with much effort, he dragged his arms out of the thick muck again and held them over his head, thick brown clumps oozing down onto his shoulders. The sergeant yelled, “Ready, Dr. McKay? I need for you to stand real still.” McKay nodded and the sergeant threw the rope. Within seconds, the rope slipped over McKay, the sergeant tightened it, and together the Marines and the villagers began to pull the weary scientist from the pit.
Part Four:
A few days later, Dr. Keller gave McKay a clean bill of health. He had developed a slight skin rash and she had been concerned about the material that McKay had aspirated into his lungs when he developed a slight cough. However, she prescribed the maximum doses of antibiotics and immune system stimulants, along with lots of scrubbing and he had not developed any serious infections.
Elder Meraz explained that the waste in the pit was so thick because of a plant root that they dried and ground up and added to the waste. It bound the waste and made covering it much easier when they needed to dig a new pit. It also helped keep the fluid in the pit from leaching into the ground and contaminating the streams that ran along two sides of the village. The biohazard engineers were fascinated and had dragged some botanists back to the planet with them to study the plant.
There was, in fact, an Ancient outpost on the planet; Dr. Zelenka led the team that was beginning to investigate the abandoned facility. So far, they had uncovered some promising Ancient technology in a building located just east of the old latrine pit. Rodney had been heading in the right direction when he had his unfortunate detour.
Sgt. Patterson had returned to the village after some of the men who were helping rescue Dr. McKay asked him to teach them how to lasso; the villagers indicated they wanted to learn so that they could control the little cart animals better. Sheppard believed it was more likely that those young men thought the sergeant looked pretty cool as he roped and tied McKay. The sergeant’s fellow marines had nicknamed him Tex after word got around Atlantis of how he had rescued Dr. McKay.
The Elder, Teyla and Sheppard had negotiated a trade agreement; medical supplies along with regular visits to the village by medical staff and assistance in improve farming techniques in exchange for fresh vegetables, a really good fruit they sampled, and more information about the roots and herbs they used for cooking and healing. Teyla also negotiated to trade for the colorful fabric the villagers wove from a silk like thread and dyed using berries and plant materials. She had insisted that the cloth would be an enticing trade item when they were negotiating on other planets. Sheppard wasn’t sure any of the fabric would make it that far after seeing how excited Teyla, Jennifer and some of the other women on Atlantis were once they had the material in their hands.
All in all, despite Rodney’s fall into the pit, the mission was a success and from Colonel Sheppard’s and Dr. Zelenka’s point of view on the next movie night, it proved an even better success. Rodney was especially happy since they were watching the latest Batman movie and had gotten to the lounge early to get a front row seat. Once everyone had taken their seats, Dr. Zelenka announced that before the feature movie, there would be a short film; a very special presentation. The camera the colonel had with him that day was a movie camera and Zelenka had edited the recordings that he and the colonel had taken, adding narration and music. The lights dimmed and the movie began, on the screen appeared the title, Dr. McKay: the Man, the Pit and the Rope or How Not to Walk Through a Village.
“Sheppard, Zelenka, this is unfair! How could you do this to me? Yeah, sure, make fun when I could have died! Just have a good laugh, people!” Rodney immediately began whining but his protestations fell on deaf ears as everyone settled in. As the camera zoomed in on McKay’s muck covered face, Colonel Sheppard could be heard yelling over the laughter, “Who wants popcorn?”
The End