Stargateland Challenge: When In Rome
Title: When In Rome
Author: stella_pegasi
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Genre(s): Humor, AMMDI
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing: Team
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Language, mention of male body parts
Het/Slash/Gen: Gen
Word count: 776
Disclaimer: I do not own them, I would have treated them better.
Summary: The team goes off world, and the guys, well, the guys have to observe the planet's customs.
Written for Stargateland's Alien's Made Me Do It! Challenge.
This is a genre I have never written in, but for Team Atlantis, anything.
WHEN IN ROME
By stella_pegasi
Teyla emerged from the event horizon alone, tears running down her face. Richard Woolsey, fearful that something tragic had occurred to her teammates, ran down the gate room stairs as the gate shut down.
"Teyla, what's happening; where are Sheppard and the others?" It was then that Woolsey realized that Teyla was crying from laughter. Teyla attempted to answer, but every time she tried to speak, she would burst out in hysterical laughter.
"Teyla, where are the colonel, McKay and Ronon?"
She struggled, "They…are…," she snickered, "fine, Mr. Woolsey. They will….be here anytime…" Teyla began laughing again.
"Ms. Emmagan, I must insist you tell me what is going on."
"T-the people of the planet we visited have…" she blew out a deep breath, "have an unusual custom; they live in tribes and they…well, let's just say they like adornment." She giggled, her body shaking.
"Adornment, what kind of adornment, what are you talking about?"
Before she could answer, the gate activated and Woolsey drug her away to be clear of the swoosh, and in a few seconds, Colonel Sheppard, Dr. McKay, and Ronon Dex walked through the gate, very gingerly. Teyla began to laugh again, nearly doubling over.
Woolsey was frowning, "Colonel, what is going on, are you hurt?"
Sheppard looked sheepish, "No…no; we're not hurt." He grimaced, slightly shifting his body weight from one leg to the other.
"What happened on that planet?"
"Well, uh, the men there are…uh…proud of their…their…," Sheppard stuttered, swallowing hard.
Woolsey was becoming impatient, "Proud of what, colonel?
Sheppard's face scrunched up; he looked puzzled, then he brightened, "they are proud of their…gender."
"Gender, well that's nice, so why is Teyla laughing so hard, and why are the three of you walking carefully and looking so uncomfortable."
"Uh…well…uh…they show their pride in an interesting way, Richard."
Woolsey was clearly becoming impatient, "John; an answer please."
Sheppard dropped his head, sucked in a deep breath, then replied, "The men on the planet like to display their genitals proudly." He uttered the word 'genital' very quietly and rapidly. "They like to dye…uh…themselves and add adornments and that's how they walk around."
Woolsey felt the beginnings of a snicker in this throat, he was catching on to the reasons for Teyla's laughter. "So, tell me, do they expect their visitors to do the same?" His answer came as Sheppard and McKay turned beet red, Ronon's expression never changed.
Biting his lower lip, Sheppard looked over at Rodney, who was staring at the floor, then answered Woolsey, "Yes."
He turned his head from Woolsey's gaze, which was a good thing because Woolsey was desperately trying not to laugh. Even though he did not know the details yet, he had his suspicions.
"Well, colonel, when in Rome, I suppose. I trust there are no injuries involved here?" Woolsey's voice was shaky, and he could hear Teyla's muffled laughter.
"Uh…no…a little irritation from the dyes, but it's suppose to wear off."
"Wear…off…," Woolsey coughed to cover his snickers.
"Yeah, it's no big deal; it'll wear off…the chief said in a few days."
Rodney finally lost it, "A few days, you fucking told me it would wash off. Am I supposed to go around with a pink…"
Woolsey's breath caught, "Pink?"
"Yes, pink; oh no…Ronon gets a bronze color with leather wrapped around his and Sheppard get's gold dye and gold chain wrapped around his, but me…they dyed my dick pink, fucking pink, and put a ribbon around it."
Sheppard looked disgusted, as if he had been through this conversation before, "Rodney, it’s a red dye, they explained to us that bronze was for warriors, gold for leaders, and red for the learned. I can't help if the dye reacted to your skin and turned hot pink. And it wasn't a ribbon, it was a…a…piece of fabric."
Rodney, totally out of control, huffed, "It's a fucking ribbon and my dick is pink."
The Marines on gate duty started laughing, and Woolsey decided that before they lost all semblance of decorum, he needed to order the men to the infirmary. "Colonel, you, and your team need to report for your post-mission physicals. I'm certain that Dr. Beckett will want to check you out.
Rodney groaned, "Beckett…oh, fuck…Beckett is never going to allow me to live this down. I am so screwed."
Sheppard spun McKay around in the direction of the infirmary and pushed the reluctant doctor forward, while he and Ronon followed, Teyla trailing after them. Through the crescendo of laughter coming from the Marines and the control room staff, Woolsey heard Sheppard tell Ronon, "From this point on, only Teyla and Teldy's team visits that fucking planet."
Author: stella_pegasi
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Genre(s): Humor, AMMDI
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing: Team
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Language, mention of male body parts
Het/Slash/Gen: Gen
Word count: 776
Disclaimer: I do not own them, I would have treated them better.
Summary: The team goes off world, and the guys, well, the guys have to observe the planet's customs.
Written for Stargateland's Alien's Made Me Do It! Challenge.
This is a genre I have never written in, but for Team Atlantis, anything.
WHEN IN ROME
By stella_pegasi
Teyla emerged from the event horizon alone, tears running down her face. Richard Woolsey, fearful that something tragic had occurred to her teammates, ran down the gate room stairs as the gate shut down.
"Teyla, what's happening; where are Sheppard and the others?" It was then that Woolsey realized that Teyla was crying from laughter. Teyla attempted to answer, but every time she tried to speak, she would burst out in hysterical laughter.
"Teyla, where are the colonel, McKay and Ronon?"
She struggled, "They…are…," she snickered, "fine, Mr. Woolsey. They will….be here anytime…" Teyla began laughing again.
"Ms. Emmagan, I must insist you tell me what is going on."
"T-the people of the planet we visited have…" she blew out a deep breath, "have an unusual custom; they live in tribes and they…well, let's just say they like adornment." She giggled, her body shaking.
"Adornment, what kind of adornment, what are you talking about?"
Before she could answer, the gate activated and Woolsey drug her away to be clear of the swoosh, and in a few seconds, Colonel Sheppard, Dr. McKay, and Ronon Dex walked through the gate, very gingerly. Teyla began to laugh again, nearly doubling over.
Woolsey was frowning, "Colonel, what is going on, are you hurt?"
Sheppard looked sheepish, "No…no; we're not hurt." He grimaced, slightly shifting his body weight from one leg to the other.
"What happened on that planet?"
"Well, uh, the men there are…uh…proud of their…their…," Sheppard stuttered, swallowing hard.
Woolsey was becoming impatient, "Proud of what, colonel?
Sheppard's face scrunched up; he looked puzzled, then he brightened, "they are proud of their…gender."
"Gender, well that's nice, so why is Teyla laughing so hard, and why are the three of you walking carefully and looking so uncomfortable."
"Uh…well…uh…they show their pride in an interesting way, Richard."
Woolsey was clearly becoming impatient, "John; an answer please."
Sheppard dropped his head, sucked in a deep breath, then replied, "The men on the planet like to display their genitals proudly." He uttered the word 'genital' very quietly and rapidly. "They like to dye…uh…themselves and add adornments and that's how they walk around."
Woolsey felt the beginnings of a snicker in this throat, he was catching on to the reasons for Teyla's laughter. "So, tell me, do they expect their visitors to do the same?" His answer came as Sheppard and McKay turned beet red, Ronon's expression never changed.
Biting his lower lip, Sheppard looked over at Rodney, who was staring at the floor, then answered Woolsey, "Yes."
He turned his head from Woolsey's gaze, which was a good thing because Woolsey was desperately trying not to laugh. Even though he did not know the details yet, he had his suspicions.
"Well, colonel, when in Rome, I suppose. I trust there are no injuries involved here?" Woolsey's voice was shaky, and he could hear Teyla's muffled laughter.
"Uh…no…a little irritation from the dyes, but it's suppose to wear off."
"Wear…off…," Woolsey coughed to cover his snickers.
"Yeah, it's no big deal; it'll wear off…the chief said in a few days."
Rodney finally lost it, "A few days, you fucking told me it would wash off. Am I supposed to go around with a pink…"
Woolsey's breath caught, "Pink?"
"Yes, pink; oh no…Ronon gets a bronze color with leather wrapped around his and Sheppard get's gold dye and gold chain wrapped around his, but me…they dyed my dick pink, fucking pink, and put a ribbon around it."
Sheppard looked disgusted, as if he had been through this conversation before, "Rodney, it’s a red dye, they explained to us that bronze was for warriors, gold for leaders, and red for the learned. I can't help if the dye reacted to your skin and turned hot pink. And it wasn't a ribbon, it was a…a…piece of fabric."
Rodney, totally out of control, huffed, "It's a fucking ribbon and my dick is pink."
The Marines on gate duty started laughing, and Woolsey decided that before they lost all semblance of decorum, he needed to order the men to the infirmary. "Colonel, you, and your team need to report for your post-mission physicals. I'm certain that Dr. Beckett will want to check you out.
Rodney groaned, "Beckett…oh, fuck…Beckett is never going to allow me to live this down. I am so screwed."
Sheppard spun McKay around in the direction of the infirmary and pushed the reluctant doctor forward, while he and Ronon followed, Teyla trailing after them. Through the crescendo of laughter coming from the Marines and the control room staff, Woolsey heard Sheppard tell Ronon, "From this point on, only Teyla and Teldy's team visits that fucking planet."