The Great Bunny Caper
Title: The Great Bunny Caper
Author: stella_pegasi
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Humor
Rating: PG
Character/Pairing: John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, Teyla Emmagan, Ronon Dex, Evan Lorne, Radek Zelenka, David Parrish, OC's.
Spoilers: None
Warnings: None...unless you are scared of giant bunnies. There is a very tiny bit of whump.
Het/Slash/Gen: Gen
Word count: 5,363
Disclaimer: I do not own them, I would have treated them better.
Summary: A planet is terrorized by giant, pink bunnies, and Sheppard's team comes to the rescue.
Happy Spring, Everyone!
The Great Bunny Caper
by stella_pegasi
"This is ludicrous, Sheppard; there is no such thing as a gigantic, vicious pink rabbit."
Sheppard was on point, eyes scanning the thick, misty woods along the path; his finger resting near the trigger of his P-90. Glancing over his shoulder at McKay, he whispered sharply, "Dr. Cressy said he saw the creature, and that it looked like a large pink bear with floppy ears."
Teyla turned to McKay, "Rodney, Dr. Cressy reported that the inhabitants of the surrounding villages are petrified of these creatures. They have asked for our help."
"If they are so terrifying, why haven't Ronon and you heard about them?"
"We do not know of every dangerous creature that exists in Pegasus."
Ronon croaked, "Yeah, we were a bit preoccupied with the Wraith."
Sheppard motioned his teammates and Captain Stackhouse's team forward, "Come on, the village is just around the bend. Let's go find out more about this giant bunny rabbit."
They walked into the village to a chorus of warm greetings. The village was picturesque. Two and three story buildings, painted in pastel shades and adorned with brightly colored shutters surrounded them. Large containers of varied flowers intermingled with the trees and shrubs lining the cobblestone paved streets. By the time, they reached the center of the village, where a tall fountain stood as the focus of the square, several children had begun to follow them.
"Oh, wonderful, kids," Rodney huffed. "Why are there always kids around?" He yanked his hand away from a small, tow-headed boy, who was reaching his life sign detector.
A tall man dressed in colorful attire emerged from one of the more prominent buildings. "Welcome, you must be our visitors from Atlantis; Dr. Cressy said that more wonderful people from Atlantis would be coming to help us."
"I'm Colonel John Sheppard; this is Teyla Emmagan, Dr. Rodney McKay, and Ronon Dex." He pointed to the others, "That's Captain Stackhouse, and his team."
I am Alagio Mura, and I am the governor of the Carmeya Region of Emara. We are so pleased that you are willing to assist us. Please come into the community hall, where we can talk."
Sheppard nodded to Stackhouse to remain outside, and he followed Mura through the door; his team on his heels. The community hall was as colorful as the outdoors; baskets of fragrant flowers filled the room, the spicy-sweet scent hung in the air. A long, highly-polished dark wood table sat in the center of the room, surrounded by chairs upholstered in vibrant colors. Mura motioned for the Atlantians to have a seat.
As the team complied, Mura spoke quietly to an aide, and then took his chair, "We are most appreciative to have those who live in the ancestral city come to our aide. The reports of this 'creature' have been most disturbing. I fear it is only a matter of time before one of our citizens is injured by this beast."
"When was the first sighting of this animal?"
"The first mention was about three weeks ago, when, Joa Picon, one of messengers who delivers goods between the communities, reported seeing this animal. We first thought it was an overly large version of a mutak, a creature about two feet tall that can stand on its back legs. It has white fur, but consumes berries that tinge its fur pink; it has long tuffs of fur on its head. The description of the mutak is very much like this unknown animal, but - Joa said the one he saw was easily twice that tall."
Rodney muttered under his breath, "Probably just ate his Wheaties, and grew." Mura appeared quite puzzled at the scientist's remarks; Sheppard merely glared at Rodney.
"Governor Mura, any reports of these creatures being this large before?" Teyla asked, distracting the governor.
"No, never; the mutak are gentle creatures, they only consume nuts, berries, and ereg root."
"What makes you think the larger version of the mutak is dangerous?" Sheppard asked.
"Joa stated that, while the animal charged him, it uttered a high-pitched screeching noise. Then, the others, who have sighted these things, said that the creature charged them, seeming quite agitated. The animal's razor-sharp claws injured one young man; he has lengthy scratches on his neck and arms."
Ronon asked, "There's only the one creature?" When the governor answered yes, the Satedan continued, "Then why not send a hunting party to take care of the problem?"
Sheppard was concerned that the governor would take Ronon's direct question the wrong way, and started to speak but Mura spoke first. "Mr. Dex; I wish it were so simple, but you must understand that we are not a violent race. We do not hunt; we eat only the fruit of the land. We have a passion and joy for life; we cannot take the life of any creature."
Teyla smiled, "You have a wonderful philosophy to live by; my people have had to hunt in order to survive."
The governor nodded and looked at Sheppard, "Colonel; Dr. Cressy assured us that you would be able to rid us of this menace. I hope we aren't asking for more than you would be willing to do for us."
"Of course, we'll be happy to locate this animal. These two," Sheppard pointed to Teyla and Ronon, "are the best trackers in Pegasus. In addition, we have brought weapons that will only stun the animal, not kill it. Dr. Cressy informed us of your beliefs."
"That is wonderful news, colonel." The governor smiled broadly, "Good, refreshments have arrived, please join me in a bit of repast before you begin your hunt." As the governor's aides were serving the meal, Mura asked Sheppard for permission to ask Captain Stackhouse and his team to join them.
For the next hour, Governor Mura regaled the Atlantians with humorous stories about the communities and the citizens. He explained that the regions traded goods and competed with each other in athletic events, and in the arts and sciences.
A member of Captain Stackhouse's team, Corporal Ramon Rodriquez had finished his meal and wandered toward a large board displaying numerous colorful flyers. After reading several of them, he motioned for his teammate and best friend, Corporal Paul Brenner to join him.
"Hey, look broki; these guys know how to have a good time. According to these flyers, they have a festival in one of the regions every week. They have food, games, art shows; I think they know how to party better than Puerto Ricans do."
Brenner laughed, "I don't know about all Puerto Ricans, but I know you can party with the best of them. Wonder if you could keep up with these guys?"
"Not certain if I could but I think I would enjoy trying. I must say there are some nice looking chicas on this planet, broki." The young corporal flashed a wide, mischievous grin at his friend.
Laughing, Brenner nodded, "Yes; the 'chicas' are lovely and quite friendly. Ray, look at this flyer; the Emarans have storytelling at each festival. They also put on interactive plays, like those dinner mystery things at all the festivals. My family and I took a trip to Boston after my senior year in high school, and we went to a place called Mystery Café, it was an interactive dinner theater. I had a blast that night. Maybe the colonel would let us attend one of these festivals."
Hearing Stackhouse summon them, the corporals returned to join the Atlantians as they left the hall. Their next stop was the Atlantis science research station directed by Dr. Cressy, and the location of a giant 'bunny' sighting.
~~ooOoo~~
"I don't understand why we couldn't accept the governor's offer to use one of those transports. It isn't often we get to ride in a vehicle on these backward planets." Rodney was lagging behind Sheppard and Ronon. Teyla was walking ahead with Captain Stackhouse, and Sergeant Davies.
Sheppard replied in a mock sympathetic tone, "So sorry, Dr. McKay that you are being forced to walk all of two miles. Would you prefer if we carried you?"
McKay snarked, "Sheppard, bite me. I'm just saying that it is highly unusual for us to come across a planet advanced enough to have motorized transport. I bet that if those transports were sleek and went 200 miles per hour, you'd be the first in line to take a ride. However, they are little more than boxes on wheels, so the 'flyboy' is not interested."
"McKay, you are just lazy." Ronon chuckled with a slightly evil tone, which caused snickers from the corporals, trailing at the rear of the group.
McKay fumed, "Go ahead, laugh; I was just making an observation; you juveniles always what to make fun of everything - and I am not lazy."
Sheppard halted, turning to grumbling scientist, "Rodney, enjoy the walk. What's rare is how far different this beautiful planet is from some of the places we have visited. This forest looks like its right out of a fairytale. Green and ferny, lots of fragrant flowers and those trees look like aspens. For once, just let go and take advantage of the scenery."
Rodney frowned and followed the group, not saying another word. Five more minutes of walking bought the Atlantians to a clearing in the forest where Dr. Cressy and his team had set up base camp. Dr. Cressy came running out from under a canopy to greet the colonel and his party.
"Colonel Sheppard, I'm so relieved that you and your team are finally here. There have been more sightings of the big bunny nearby. Apparently, it chased a group of children, who barely escaped. Their parents are quite concerned." Dr. Cressy was breathless, seemingly quite distressed over the situation.
"Doctor, do you have any more information about this animal than you reported earlier?"
"Nothing more than you already know; fortunately, these creatures…"
Sheppard interrupted him, "Creatures, as in more than one?"
"Oh, yes, colonel; there are definitely two of them. Dr. Parrish and his team were collecting specimens of that lovely yellow flowering plant when they heard the rustling of the underbrush near them. Dr. Parrish said that they looked up in time to see two of the 'bunnies', for lack of a better description, running away from them."
Rodney snorted, "Must be a couple of scared 'bunnies' if they fled from a group of botanists."
Annoyed, Sheppard snapped at the scientist, "Enough, McKay; whatever these animals are, they are frightening the Emarans. We need to locate these creatures."
Turning back to Cressy, Sheppard asked, "Doctor, where was Dr. Parrish when he saw the animals?"
"They were exploring along a ridge that runs along the river, approximately a mile down the road. I would accompany you, colonel, but I have entirely too much work to do here. You will come across a narrow path branching off the main road; that path runs along the ridge. Dr. Parrish had placed a small flag along the path; you should be able to find it without difficulty." As Sheppard motioned to his team to return to the path, Cressy added. "Colonel, please be careful; there are steep drop-offs along the ridge. Someone could plummet into the river."
"Thanks, doc; I promise, we'll be careful. Come on; let's go on a 'bunny' hunt. Davies, Brenner; you have the stun rifles, take the point and rear. The rest of you, only stun pistols authorized." Sheppard glanced at Rodriguez, an expert sniper. "Corporal, keep your P-90 available, but weapons free only on my command." Rodriquez nodded and the 'hunters' departed from the research base camp, walking deeper in the misty forest toward the ridge.
As they walked through the quiet of the forest, only the occasional cry of a songbird drifting toward them, Teyla asked curiously. "Colonel, I am confused. Why are there no security teams with the scientists? I thought that no science team was allowed off world without a security team?"
Sheppard sighed, "Normally, they are not. However, Major Lorne convinced me that he needed the teams assigned here to help with the rebuilding project on Timor. The monsoon season is about to open there, and they are rushing against time to rebuild the shelters destroyed in the quake. He argued that there was absolutely no danger to the scientists here. At that point, Emara was nothing but a peaceful, safe planet with no apparent danger and a population that warmly welcomed the science teams. That was before the urgent call from Cressy about the 'bunny.' Against my better judgment, I agreed to pull security from the detail."
"One would never believe that this beautiful planet would harbor anything as dangerous as has been described by Dr, Cressy." Teyla smiled, "We do know that what appears to be may not always be."
Sheppard scoffed, "A lesson we unfortunately forget, Teyla."
Approximately, fifteen minutes later, Davies, on point, spotted the small blue flag planted along the wide road. The team turned onto the narrow path, wading through the knee-high grass and ferns scattered with fragrant yellow flowers. Through the slender aspen-like trees, a thin mist hung in the air as the path stretched into the distance.
Even the cynical Dr. Rodney McKay was not immune to the beautiful forest. "This place is gorgeous; looks like an illustration for a fairytale."
Chuckling, Sheppard responded, "Expecting the Mad Hatter and the White Rabbit to come crashing out of the forest, Rodney?"
"Bite me, Sheppard; all I'm saying is that this place is very picturesque. I would imagine you would be hoping to find Alice running through 'wonderland' looking for her 'flyboy' hero to rescue her from the giant pink bunnies."
Laughing quietly, Sheppard said, "Not a bad scenario, McKay. I wouldn't mind rescuing a beautiful woman, better than rescuing you all the time."
Before Rodney could utter a snappy comeback, Ronon reached out, placing his hand on Davies' shoulder. "Stop, I saw something." Sheppard moved closer to Ronon, his stun pistol in his hand, "Where?"
Ronon pointed to his left and in the distance, Sheppard could see a pale blur ducking behind a copse of the slender, white trees. As he was watching what he assumed was one of the creatures, another appeared from behind a cluster of tall ferns. The creature was still a distance away, but clearly, it was quite tall, pale pink, and had bunny ears. Just as quickly as the two appeared, they disappeared. The Atlantians picked up their pace, heading for the spot the animals had appeared.
Teyla and Ronon searched the forest floor for tracks, but the thick underbrush was spongy and made tracking difficult. Ronon was resting on his heels next to a depression in the thick grass.
"You look perplexed, Chewie," Sheppard said as he kneeled next to the Satedan.
"This is not right, Sheppard," Ronon pointed to the smashed grass. "No wild animal made these tracks. I can't tell what it is, but it's not larger version of the mutak."
It was Sheppard's turn to look perplexed and Teyla explained. "Colonel, these tracks appear to be made by a bi-pedal creature. From the weight and distribution, they were made by a creature that compared to a person would be of average height and slight build."
Ronon added. "This pattern," pointing to the area around them, "It's too precise, as if someone deliberately made these tracks to confuse us."
"It appears that whoever made these tracks, made them very recently. It is as if they wanted to get away quickly by deceiving us as to the direction they took." Teyla suggested.
John Sheppard stood up slowly, uttering a deep sigh, "So, you are telling me that this is a creature that walks upright and is intelligent?"
Teyla nodded, "That is how it appears, colonel."
Rodney spoke, acidly, "We began this day on a idiotic hunt for a pink bunny and now, we're hunting Big Foot. Lovely."
"Rodney, quit whining or I'll use you as bait to lure the creature. Although, I imagine you would give Big Foot indigestion." Sheppard was clearly annoyed and Rodney ceased talking.
The colonel remained quiet for a moment, gazing about the misty forest, deep in thought. When he spoke, there was a distinct note of suspicion in his voice, "My spidy sense is kicking into top gear, something doesn't feel right about this. Let's split up, get off the path. Teyla, you go with Stackhouse, Davies, and Brenner. Rodriguez, you're with me. Everyone, keep on your toes."
Nearly fifteen minutes passed as the two groups stealthy moved across the forest floor. Sheppard's group was closest to the bluff above where the river meandered through the forest. As they got closer, they could hear the rushing water. Glancing far to his left, Sheppard could just make out the other group, spotting Teyla's copper colored hair glinting in the filtered sunlight. He was about to ask Ronon if there were any tracks in the area when a sizable, pink furry creature, about thirty yards away, ran across his path.
Sheppard gave chase, following the 'bunny' through a narrow ravine. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw another flash of pink and realized that Ronon had taken off after that creature. As he ran after the 'bunny', Sheppard heard the unmistakable sound of Ronon's blaster, in the distance. He could also hear Rodney yelling something about being 'too close', but he couldn't understand the rest of the words. Within seconds, however, he and the bunny realized what 'too close' meant as the edge of the bluff loomed upon them.
The 'bunny' almost managed to stop, but attempting to put the breaks on had no effect on Sheppard's momentum. He slammed into the creature and they both tumbled over the edge of the bluff. As they fell, Sheppard caught a glimpse of the ground they were about to fall onto and silently thanked the Ancestors for the thick forest floor. They landed on the soft growth of bright green grass, tall ferns, surrounded by the fragrant flowers. He had the wind knocked out of him and it took a few seconds for him to regain his breath.
When he could breathe, he realized a sharp pain was radiating from his left shoulder, and something heavy lying across his legs. He pushed against the soft grass with his right hand; the 'bunny' was lying across his legs. As he wiggled out from under the creature, he gasped, startled at what he was seeing. When the 'bunny' emitted a low, but distinct moan, Sheppard knew exactly what he was dealing with and what he was going to do about it.
~~ooOoo~~
Major Evan Lorne and Dr. Radek Zelenka, along with their teams, returned from the quake-ravaged planet to find medical teams in the gate room, geared up and ready to embark. The gate dialed again and within seconds, the med teams had disappeared into the event horizon. Richard Woolsey was standing at the foot of the stairs leading to the control room. Lorne and Zelenka quickly crossed the gate room toward the Atlantis director.
Lorne swallowed then asked, concern evident in his voice, "Mr. Woolsey, sir; what's going on?
Woolsey took a deep breath, "I'm not exactly certain, but we should know soon. Apparently, Colonel Sheppard and his team ran into the creatures that they were hunting on Emara, and well, there were some problems. There are apparently several injuries, I don't know how severe."
Lorne and Zelenka shared a quick glance, before Lorne asked, "Sir, injuries; who was injured?"
"Initial reports are that Colonel Sheppard fell over a cliff, Teyla and Dr. McKay were attacked by the creatures. Thankfully, Ronon and Captain Stackhouse's team managed to destroy the creatures." Woolsey appeared not to notice the color drain from Lorne and Zelenka's faces.
Lorne took a very deep breath before he spoke in a very shaky voice, "Mr. Woolsey…we need to…"
At that moment, the stargate engaged and Woolsey rushed toward the incoming medical teams. Gurneys emerged from the gate carrying Sheppard, Teyla and McKay, with a bloody Ronon following behind. Stackhouse exited, a bloody bandage wrapped around his head, and Davies and Brenner came through the gate supporting Rodriguez, who was holding his left ankle off the floor. The medics quickly moved the injured toward the infirmary. Lorne once again tried to speak to Woolsey, who brushed him off, saying they could talk later.
The two men watch Woolsey walk away, again exchanging glances, as they followed, headed for the infirmary. Once they were out of site, senior gate technician Chuck Campbell, who had been watching from the balcony, smiled as he returned to his station. Dialing the gate, he established contact and gave the all clear.
~~ooOoo~~
An hour passed while, outside the infirmary door, Lorne paced and Zelenka sat in a corner muttering in Czech. Both men had attempted entry into the infirmary, only to be turned away by chief nurse, Marie Cho, who told them it was simply too chaotic inside for her to allow them to enter.
"Major, you do not really believe that the…they cannot be dead." Radek was wringing his hands, as he questioned Lorne.
Lorne stopped pacing for a moment, to look over at the despondent engineer, "I…I don't know."
More minutes ticked by before Marie returned to deliver a message, "Colonel Sheppard has been released and would like to see both of you in the military briefing room." Her exquisitely chiseled face was impassive as she spoke. She simply turned and reentered the infirmary without another word.
"Do prdele... tak jsme v háji. Podplukovník Sheppard chce zabít nás." Zelenka muttered weakly.
"Doc, I don't know what you said, but I agree. We're dead men walking." Lorne stared down the corridor toward the transporter. "Come on, doc; let's go face the music."
The door to the military's large briefing room slid open as Lorne approached, revealing Colonel John Sheppard sitting alone at the large table at the front of the room. He had a large bandage on his head, his left hand wrapped in gauze and his left arm in a sling. He motioned for the two men to approach. His expression was intense; Lorne visibly shuddered.
"Colonel, I know what you may think," Lorne stumbled over his words, "but it - it wasn't supposed to…" He stopped as Sheppard held up his hand.
"Wasn't supposed to be what, major, doctor? No one was supposed to get hurt. It was all supposed to be in jest?" Sheppard waited for an answer.
Zelenka opened his mouth but no words escaped. Lorne simply uttered a quiet 'yes, sir.' Sheppard stared at the men for a minute before a slight smirk broke across his face. He motioned toward the open door. Zelenka and Lorne whirled around to see Ronon enter, followed by Teyla, and McKay and Captain Stackhouse and his team. They were attired in various bandages and splints, and slowly made their way to the front of the room.
As the Emara off-world team assembled next to Sheppard, he asked, "Once again, gentlemen; you never intended for anyone to be hurt?"
"Colonel, it was suppose to be a joke; I, " he looked over at Zelenka, "we thought it would be funny. Alagio, Governor Mura, thought it would be hilarious; they are a very fun-loving people, colonel. We never thought that…"
"You never thought that anyone would get hurt, much less die?" Sheppard stood up, "It's your lucky day, gentlemen." He nodded to his teammates, and Lorne and Zelenka watched incredulously as one by one, the others removed their fake bandages.
Once everyone was finished, Sheppard rose from his chair, removing the bandage from his head and the wrapping around his hand. "We stage the medics rushing to the planet, and the injuries to give you something to think about. The blood was easy to mimic. We used the same berries that make the mutaks pink. Everyone else is fine." He motioned to his arm, "I'm the only one with a real injury; that is unless you count the giant pink bunnies."
"Oh, sir, I don't know what to say." Lorne dropped his head.
"If you have anything to say, you should say it to Dr. Parrish and Dr. Crane." Once again, Sheppard motioned toward the doorway.
Through the door came two of Atlantis's scientists, Dr. David Parrish and Dr. Andrea Crane, still dressed in their bunny costumes, minus the heads. With them as they entered were Governor Alagio Mura, Dr. Cressy, and Richard Woolsey. Relief flooded Lorne and Zelenka's faces as they realized that Parrish and Crane were alive.
Loren put his hand on Zelenka's shoulder and whispered, "Maybe we won't die." Zelenka didn't look convinced.
When the two men turned around, they saw that Woolsey and McKay had joined Sheppard. Woolsey spoke, "Major Lorne, Dr. Zelenka; before I turn you over to Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay respectively to mete out punishment, I would like an explanation, a full explanation."
Lorne was solemn as he spoke, "This all began when my team accompanied Dr. Cressy on his first visit to Emara. Governor Mura and his people were so hospitable, more so than most we have encountered." He glanced at Teyla, "The Athosians excluded, ma'am." Lorne took a breath and continued, "There was a problem with their water pumping system in the community, so I volunteered to bring Dr. Zelenka to see if he could fix it. Dr. Zelenka spent a few days on the planet fixing the water system and lets just say, we became quite friendly with the governor and many of the others."
Woolsey asked, "Friendly? What you mean by that, major?"
Lorne was quite certain Woolsey already knew the answer to that question; the Emarans produced a very nice alcoholic beverage called nesa. The Atlantians visiting had taking quite a liking to the nesa when off duty.
"Sir, we spent quite a bit of time with the Emarans learning about their customs and we have grown to like them very much. We learned about their festivals and all the events that were included, it just sounded like a lot of fun. We started talking one night, and the next thing I knew we were planning an event for their storytelling"
Sheppard interrupted, "Major; the rabbit costumes are yours, correct?"
"Yes, sir; they are; I ordered them for the Halloween party last year."
Zelenka spoke, "Colonel, this is my entire fault; I thought that it would be fun to play practical joke on everyone, I suggested the costumes, I enlisted Dr. Cressy…"
Dr. Cressy interjected, "Colonel; we all readily agreed to the plan. It wasn't all Dr. Zelenka's doing; we all share in the blame." Doctors Parrish and Crane quickly agreed.
Governor Mura took a step forward, "Please, everyone; we would not be having this discussion had my fellow Emarans and I not encourage the 'practical joke' as Dr. Zelenka called it. You must understand, throughout our history, we have made a conscious choice on Emara to fill our lives with joy. That decision was made far back in our history after the Wraith first culled our planet. We could have easily given up, lived in fear and in hiding, but my ancestors chose to live life to the fullest. Art, music, storytelling, games, all became as important to us as medicine, science, and commerce,. We built tunnels with hidden entrances to hide the Wraith and we were very fortunate to be culled less and less as our hideouts became more sophisticated. But when we were in those tunnels, we played games, we told tales, we acted out plays and sang, we did not fear."
The governor paused, looking around the room at the Atlantians, "I instigated this game, colonel. Your people told us of the hardships that Atlantis had suffered, especially those of you and your team. We wanted you to have fun, so we devised the scenario of a giant bunny. Something your people and mine thought would be so absurd that you would catch on quickly. We were planning a feast for you this evening, to celebrate our fun and tell the story for all to share. What we didn't understand colonel was that protecting all of us, your people and mine would always take precedent over fun."
Dr. Parrish spoke, "Colonel; I was about to give up. We only intended to allow you to corner us, then reveal who we were. However, from my vantage point, I saw Ronon stun Andrea, and I panicked a bit. When I turned to see you running at me with your weapon raised, I ran. I almost stopped at the edge, but you hit me, rolling us over the bluff." He chuckled, "I know it isn't funny now, colonel, but I will never forget the look of shock on your face when you saw that my costume head had come off in the fall. I am so sorry that you injured your shoulder. We never intended for this to happen."
Mura clasped Parrish's shoulder, "Colonel, your people only wanted to give you and your team a bit of fun. We gave them the means; if you are angry with anyone it should be me."
Woolsey turned to Sheppard, "Have you heard enough, colonel, Dr. McKay? Both men answered yes and Woolsey announced, "All of you with the exception of the colonel and Dr. McKay are dismissed. Governor, if you would also stay."
"When they were alone, and sitting at the table, Woolsey grinned, "I believe, gentlemen that our people are genuinely concerned about their futures. What do you propose doing about them?"
Mura interjected, "Please, I have no right to ask, but I beg of you, do not punish them, I am just as much to blame."
Sheppard laughed, "Don't worry, governor; we have no intention of giving them any serious punishment. We think making them the situation had gone seriously wrong was punishment enough. However, I am thinking that Major Lorne should spend some time cleaning glassware in the science labs. Rodney?"
McKay was gleeful, "Sheppard, I think my errant scientists should be washing a lot of puddle jumpers over the next couple of weeks." Sheppard smiled and nodded his head vigorously.
Mura was grinning broadly, "Gentlemen, I think you might be more like the Emarans that you realized."
Sheppard leaned back in his chair, "Now, what was that about a feast, governor?"
~~ooOoo~~
A few hours later, as they waited for the stargate to engage, Sheppard walked over to Lorne who was standing a bit apart from the group that was going to Emara for the promised feast.
"Major, you do know that you really aren't in trouble, don't you?"
"Yes, sir; I really appreciate that. I don't mind doing clean-up duty in the labs. I deserve that. I am just thankful that you decided not to put anything in my permanent record, sir."
Sheppard laughed, "Lorne, you could probably add a whole bunch of stuff to mine. Let's just call it even."
"I am very sorry that you were injured, colonel."
Sheppard tugged at the sling, "This thing…as soon as I am out of Keller's sight, this is coming off. She wanted me to wear this as a precaution; my shoulder's only badly bruised. Thank goodness for that thick carpet of grass on Emara."
"Well, sir; you could have been a lot harder on us, thanks for all of us."
The stargate event horizon settled. As Sheppard turned to walk through, he glanced back at Lorne, a mischievous expression on his face. "Don't worry major, I'm not done with you yet. I don't plan to let you forget the great bunny caper any time soon. I am so not going to have to do paperwork for a very long time." He chuckled, "I might even have you do paperwork in the bunny costume, major." Laughing, Sheppard joined his team as they stepped through the gate.
Watching Sheppard dissapear through the puddle, Lorne had no doubts that the colonel was going to have fun at his expense. As he approached the gate, the major wondered, "What mischief can we pull off next?"
The end…
Also, a link to a story I wrote last spring...
A Peep a Day
Author: stella_pegasi
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Humor
Rating: PG
Character/Pairing: John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, Teyla Emmagan, Ronon Dex, Evan Lorne, Radek Zelenka, David Parrish, OC's.
Spoilers: None
Warnings: None...unless you are scared of giant bunnies. There is a very tiny bit of whump.
Het/Slash/Gen: Gen
Word count: 5,363
Disclaimer: I do not own them, I would have treated them better.
Summary: A planet is terrorized by giant, pink bunnies, and Sheppard's team comes to the rescue.
Happy Spring, Everyone!
The Great Bunny Caper
by stella_pegasi
"This is ludicrous, Sheppard; there is no such thing as a gigantic, vicious pink rabbit."
Sheppard was on point, eyes scanning the thick, misty woods along the path; his finger resting near the trigger of his P-90. Glancing over his shoulder at McKay, he whispered sharply, "Dr. Cressy said he saw the creature, and that it looked like a large pink bear with floppy ears."
Teyla turned to McKay, "Rodney, Dr. Cressy reported that the inhabitants of the surrounding villages are petrified of these creatures. They have asked for our help."
"If they are so terrifying, why haven't Ronon and you heard about them?"
"We do not know of every dangerous creature that exists in Pegasus."
Ronon croaked, "Yeah, we were a bit preoccupied with the Wraith."
Sheppard motioned his teammates and Captain Stackhouse's team forward, "Come on, the village is just around the bend. Let's go find out more about this giant bunny rabbit."
They walked into the village to a chorus of warm greetings. The village was picturesque. Two and three story buildings, painted in pastel shades and adorned with brightly colored shutters surrounded them. Large containers of varied flowers intermingled with the trees and shrubs lining the cobblestone paved streets. By the time, they reached the center of the village, where a tall fountain stood as the focus of the square, several children had begun to follow them.
"Oh, wonderful, kids," Rodney huffed. "Why are there always kids around?" He yanked his hand away from a small, tow-headed boy, who was reaching his life sign detector.
A tall man dressed in colorful attire emerged from one of the more prominent buildings. "Welcome, you must be our visitors from Atlantis; Dr. Cressy said that more wonderful people from Atlantis would be coming to help us."
"I'm Colonel John Sheppard; this is Teyla Emmagan, Dr. Rodney McKay, and Ronon Dex." He pointed to the others, "That's Captain Stackhouse, and his team."
I am Alagio Mura, and I am the governor of the Carmeya Region of Emara. We are so pleased that you are willing to assist us. Please come into the community hall, where we can talk."
Sheppard nodded to Stackhouse to remain outside, and he followed Mura through the door; his team on his heels. The community hall was as colorful as the outdoors; baskets of fragrant flowers filled the room, the spicy-sweet scent hung in the air. A long, highly-polished dark wood table sat in the center of the room, surrounded by chairs upholstered in vibrant colors. Mura motioned for the Atlantians to have a seat.
As the team complied, Mura spoke quietly to an aide, and then took his chair, "We are most appreciative to have those who live in the ancestral city come to our aide. The reports of this 'creature' have been most disturbing. I fear it is only a matter of time before one of our citizens is injured by this beast."
"When was the first sighting of this animal?"
"The first mention was about three weeks ago, when, Joa Picon, one of messengers who delivers goods between the communities, reported seeing this animal. We first thought it was an overly large version of a mutak, a creature about two feet tall that can stand on its back legs. It has white fur, but consumes berries that tinge its fur pink; it has long tuffs of fur on its head. The description of the mutak is very much like this unknown animal, but - Joa said the one he saw was easily twice that tall."
Rodney muttered under his breath, "Probably just ate his Wheaties, and grew." Mura appeared quite puzzled at the scientist's remarks; Sheppard merely glared at Rodney.
"Governor Mura, any reports of these creatures being this large before?" Teyla asked, distracting the governor.
"No, never; the mutak are gentle creatures, they only consume nuts, berries, and ereg root."
"What makes you think the larger version of the mutak is dangerous?" Sheppard asked.
"Joa stated that, while the animal charged him, it uttered a high-pitched screeching noise. Then, the others, who have sighted these things, said that the creature charged them, seeming quite agitated. The animal's razor-sharp claws injured one young man; he has lengthy scratches on his neck and arms."
Ronon asked, "There's only the one creature?" When the governor answered yes, the Satedan continued, "Then why not send a hunting party to take care of the problem?"
Sheppard was concerned that the governor would take Ronon's direct question the wrong way, and started to speak but Mura spoke first. "Mr. Dex; I wish it were so simple, but you must understand that we are not a violent race. We do not hunt; we eat only the fruit of the land. We have a passion and joy for life; we cannot take the life of any creature."
Teyla smiled, "You have a wonderful philosophy to live by; my people have had to hunt in order to survive."
The governor nodded and looked at Sheppard, "Colonel; Dr. Cressy assured us that you would be able to rid us of this menace. I hope we aren't asking for more than you would be willing to do for us."
"Of course, we'll be happy to locate this animal. These two," Sheppard pointed to Teyla and Ronon, "are the best trackers in Pegasus. In addition, we have brought weapons that will only stun the animal, not kill it. Dr. Cressy informed us of your beliefs."
"That is wonderful news, colonel." The governor smiled broadly, "Good, refreshments have arrived, please join me in a bit of repast before you begin your hunt." As the governor's aides were serving the meal, Mura asked Sheppard for permission to ask Captain Stackhouse and his team to join them.
For the next hour, Governor Mura regaled the Atlantians with humorous stories about the communities and the citizens. He explained that the regions traded goods and competed with each other in athletic events, and in the arts and sciences.
A member of Captain Stackhouse's team, Corporal Ramon Rodriquez had finished his meal and wandered toward a large board displaying numerous colorful flyers. After reading several of them, he motioned for his teammate and best friend, Corporal Paul Brenner to join him.
"Hey, look broki; these guys know how to have a good time. According to these flyers, they have a festival in one of the regions every week. They have food, games, art shows; I think they know how to party better than Puerto Ricans do."
Brenner laughed, "I don't know about all Puerto Ricans, but I know you can party with the best of them. Wonder if you could keep up with these guys?"
"Not certain if I could but I think I would enjoy trying. I must say there are some nice looking chicas on this planet, broki." The young corporal flashed a wide, mischievous grin at his friend.
Laughing, Brenner nodded, "Yes; the 'chicas' are lovely and quite friendly. Ray, look at this flyer; the Emarans have storytelling at each festival. They also put on interactive plays, like those dinner mystery things at all the festivals. My family and I took a trip to Boston after my senior year in high school, and we went to a place called Mystery Café, it was an interactive dinner theater. I had a blast that night. Maybe the colonel would let us attend one of these festivals."
Hearing Stackhouse summon them, the corporals returned to join the Atlantians as they left the hall. Their next stop was the Atlantis science research station directed by Dr. Cressy, and the location of a giant 'bunny' sighting.
~~ooOoo~~
"I don't understand why we couldn't accept the governor's offer to use one of those transports. It isn't often we get to ride in a vehicle on these backward planets." Rodney was lagging behind Sheppard and Ronon. Teyla was walking ahead with Captain Stackhouse, and Sergeant Davies.
Sheppard replied in a mock sympathetic tone, "So sorry, Dr. McKay that you are being forced to walk all of two miles. Would you prefer if we carried you?"
McKay snarked, "Sheppard, bite me. I'm just saying that it is highly unusual for us to come across a planet advanced enough to have motorized transport. I bet that if those transports were sleek and went 200 miles per hour, you'd be the first in line to take a ride. However, they are little more than boxes on wheels, so the 'flyboy' is not interested."
"McKay, you are just lazy." Ronon chuckled with a slightly evil tone, which caused snickers from the corporals, trailing at the rear of the group.
McKay fumed, "Go ahead, laugh; I was just making an observation; you juveniles always what to make fun of everything - and I am not lazy."
Sheppard halted, turning to grumbling scientist, "Rodney, enjoy the walk. What's rare is how far different this beautiful planet is from some of the places we have visited. This forest looks like its right out of a fairytale. Green and ferny, lots of fragrant flowers and those trees look like aspens. For once, just let go and take advantage of the scenery."
Rodney frowned and followed the group, not saying another word. Five more minutes of walking bought the Atlantians to a clearing in the forest where Dr. Cressy and his team had set up base camp. Dr. Cressy came running out from under a canopy to greet the colonel and his party.
"Colonel Sheppard, I'm so relieved that you and your team are finally here. There have been more sightings of the big bunny nearby. Apparently, it chased a group of children, who barely escaped. Their parents are quite concerned." Dr. Cressy was breathless, seemingly quite distressed over the situation.
"Doctor, do you have any more information about this animal than you reported earlier?"
"Nothing more than you already know; fortunately, these creatures…"
Sheppard interrupted him, "Creatures, as in more than one?"
"Oh, yes, colonel; there are definitely two of them. Dr. Parrish and his team were collecting specimens of that lovely yellow flowering plant when they heard the rustling of the underbrush near them. Dr. Parrish said that they looked up in time to see two of the 'bunnies', for lack of a better description, running away from them."
Rodney snorted, "Must be a couple of scared 'bunnies' if they fled from a group of botanists."
Annoyed, Sheppard snapped at the scientist, "Enough, McKay; whatever these animals are, they are frightening the Emarans. We need to locate these creatures."
Turning back to Cressy, Sheppard asked, "Doctor, where was Dr. Parrish when he saw the animals?"
"They were exploring along a ridge that runs along the river, approximately a mile down the road. I would accompany you, colonel, but I have entirely too much work to do here. You will come across a narrow path branching off the main road; that path runs along the ridge. Dr. Parrish had placed a small flag along the path; you should be able to find it without difficulty." As Sheppard motioned to his team to return to the path, Cressy added. "Colonel, please be careful; there are steep drop-offs along the ridge. Someone could plummet into the river."
"Thanks, doc; I promise, we'll be careful. Come on; let's go on a 'bunny' hunt. Davies, Brenner; you have the stun rifles, take the point and rear. The rest of you, only stun pistols authorized." Sheppard glanced at Rodriguez, an expert sniper. "Corporal, keep your P-90 available, but weapons free only on my command." Rodriquez nodded and the 'hunters' departed from the research base camp, walking deeper in the misty forest toward the ridge.
As they walked through the quiet of the forest, only the occasional cry of a songbird drifting toward them, Teyla asked curiously. "Colonel, I am confused. Why are there no security teams with the scientists? I thought that no science team was allowed off world without a security team?"
Sheppard sighed, "Normally, they are not. However, Major Lorne convinced me that he needed the teams assigned here to help with the rebuilding project on Timor. The monsoon season is about to open there, and they are rushing against time to rebuild the shelters destroyed in the quake. He argued that there was absolutely no danger to the scientists here. At that point, Emara was nothing but a peaceful, safe planet with no apparent danger and a population that warmly welcomed the science teams. That was before the urgent call from Cressy about the 'bunny.' Against my better judgment, I agreed to pull security from the detail."
"One would never believe that this beautiful planet would harbor anything as dangerous as has been described by Dr, Cressy." Teyla smiled, "We do know that what appears to be may not always be."
Sheppard scoffed, "A lesson we unfortunately forget, Teyla."
Approximately, fifteen minutes later, Davies, on point, spotted the small blue flag planted along the wide road. The team turned onto the narrow path, wading through the knee-high grass and ferns scattered with fragrant yellow flowers. Through the slender aspen-like trees, a thin mist hung in the air as the path stretched into the distance.
Even the cynical Dr. Rodney McKay was not immune to the beautiful forest. "This place is gorgeous; looks like an illustration for a fairytale."
Chuckling, Sheppard responded, "Expecting the Mad Hatter and the White Rabbit to come crashing out of the forest, Rodney?"
"Bite me, Sheppard; all I'm saying is that this place is very picturesque. I would imagine you would be hoping to find Alice running through 'wonderland' looking for her 'flyboy' hero to rescue her from the giant pink bunnies."
Laughing quietly, Sheppard said, "Not a bad scenario, McKay. I wouldn't mind rescuing a beautiful woman, better than rescuing you all the time."
Before Rodney could utter a snappy comeback, Ronon reached out, placing his hand on Davies' shoulder. "Stop, I saw something." Sheppard moved closer to Ronon, his stun pistol in his hand, "Where?"
Ronon pointed to his left and in the distance, Sheppard could see a pale blur ducking behind a copse of the slender, white trees. As he was watching what he assumed was one of the creatures, another appeared from behind a cluster of tall ferns. The creature was still a distance away, but clearly, it was quite tall, pale pink, and had bunny ears. Just as quickly as the two appeared, they disappeared. The Atlantians picked up their pace, heading for the spot the animals had appeared.
Teyla and Ronon searched the forest floor for tracks, but the thick underbrush was spongy and made tracking difficult. Ronon was resting on his heels next to a depression in the thick grass.
"You look perplexed, Chewie," Sheppard said as he kneeled next to the Satedan.
"This is not right, Sheppard," Ronon pointed to the smashed grass. "No wild animal made these tracks. I can't tell what it is, but it's not larger version of the mutak."
It was Sheppard's turn to look perplexed and Teyla explained. "Colonel, these tracks appear to be made by a bi-pedal creature. From the weight and distribution, they were made by a creature that compared to a person would be of average height and slight build."
Ronon added. "This pattern," pointing to the area around them, "It's too precise, as if someone deliberately made these tracks to confuse us."
"It appears that whoever made these tracks, made them very recently. It is as if they wanted to get away quickly by deceiving us as to the direction they took." Teyla suggested.
John Sheppard stood up slowly, uttering a deep sigh, "So, you are telling me that this is a creature that walks upright and is intelligent?"
Teyla nodded, "That is how it appears, colonel."
Rodney spoke, acidly, "We began this day on a idiotic hunt for a pink bunny and now, we're hunting Big Foot. Lovely."
"Rodney, quit whining or I'll use you as bait to lure the creature. Although, I imagine you would give Big Foot indigestion." Sheppard was clearly annoyed and Rodney ceased talking.
The colonel remained quiet for a moment, gazing about the misty forest, deep in thought. When he spoke, there was a distinct note of suspicion in his voice, "My spidy sense is kicking into top gear, something doesn't feel right about this. Let's split up, get off the path. Teyla, you go with Stackhouse, Davies, and Brenner. Rodriguez, you're with me. Everyone, keep on your toes."
Nearly fifteen minutes passed as the two groups stealthy moved across the forest floor. Sheppard's group was closest to the bluff above where the river meandered through the forest. As they got closer, they could hear the rushing water. Glancing far to his left, Sheppard could just make out the other group, spotting Teyla's copper colored hair glinting in the filtered sunlight. He was about to ask Ronon if there were any tracks in the area when a sizable, pink furry creature, about thirty yards away, ran across his path.
Sheppard gave chase, following the 'bunny' through a narrow ravine. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw another flash of pink and realized that Ronon had taken off after that creature. As he ran after the 'bunny', Sheppard heard the unmistakable sound of Ronon's blaster, in the distance. He could also hear Rodney yelling something about being 'too close', but he couldn't understand the rest of the words. Within seconds, however, he and the bunny realized what 'too close' meant as the edge of the bluff loomed upon them.
The 'bunny' almost managed to stop, but attempting to put the breaks on had no effect on Sheppard's momentum. He slammed into the creature and they both tumbled over the edge of the bluff. As they fell, Sheppard caught a glimpse of the ground they were about to fall onto and silently thanked the Ancestors for the thick forest floor. They landed on the soft growth of bright green grass, tall ferns, surrounded by the fragrant flowers. He had the wind knocked out of him and it took a few seconds for him to regain his breath.
When he could breathe, he realized a sharp pain was radiating from his left shoulder, and something heavy lying across his legs. He pushed against the soft grass with his right hand; the 'bunny' was lying across his legs. As he wiggled out from under the creature, he gasped, startled at what he was seeing. When the 'bunny' emitted a low, but distinct moan, Sheppard knew exactly what he was dealing with and what he was going to do about it.
~~ooOoo~~
Major Evan Lorne and Dr. Radek Zelenka, along with their teams, returned from the quake-ravaged planet to find medical teams in the gate room, geared up and ready to embark. The gate dialed again and within seconds, the med teams had disappeared into the event horizon. Richard Woolsey was standing at the foot of the stairs leading to the control room. Lorne and Zelenka quickly crossed the gate room toward the Atlantis director.
Lorne swallowed then asked, concern evident in his voice, "Mr. Woolsey, sir; what's going on?
Woolsey took a deep breath, "I'm not exactly certain, but we should know soon. Apparently, Colonel Sheppard and his team ran into the creatures that they were hunting on Emara, and well, there were some problems. There are apparently several injuries, I don't know how severe."
Lorne and Zelenka shared a quick glance, before Lorne asked, "Sir, injuries; who was injured?"
"Initial reports are that Colonel Sheppard fell over a cliff, Teyla and Dr. McKay were attacked by the creatures. Thankfully, Ronon and Captain Stackhouse's team managed to destroy the creatures." Woolsey appeared not to notice the color drain from Lorne and Zelenka's faces.
Lorne took a very deep breath before he spoke in a very shaky voice, "Mr. Woolsey…we need to…"
At that moment, the stargate engaged and Woolsey rushed toward the incoming medical teams. Gurneys emerged from the gate carrying Sheppard, Teyla and McKay, with a bloody Ronon following behind. Stackhouse exited, a bloody bandage wrapped around his head, and Davies and Brenner came through the gate supporting Rodriguez, who was holding his left ankle off the floor. The medics quickly moved the injured toward the infirmary. Lorne once again tried to speak to Woolsey, who brushed him off, saying they could talk later.
The two men watch Woolsey walk away, again exchanging glances, as they followed, headed for the infirmary. Once they were out of site, senior gate technician Chuck Campbell, who had been watching from the balcony, smiled as he returned to his station. Dialing the gate, he established contact and gave the all clear.
~~ooOoo~~
An hour passed while, outside the infirmary door, Lorne paced and Zelenka sat in a corner muttering in Czech. Both men had attempted entry into the infirmary, only to be turned away by chief nurse, Marie Cho, who told them it was simply too chaotic inside for her to allow them to enter.
"Major, you do not really believe that the…they cannot be dead." Radek was wringing his hands, as he questioned Lorne.
Lorne stopped pacing for a moment, to look over at the despondent engineer, "I…I don't know."
More minutes ticked by before Marie returned to deliver a message, "Colonel Sheppard has been released and would like to see both of you in the military briefing room." Her exquisitely chiseled face was impassive as she spoke. She simply turned and reentered the infirmary without another word.
"Do prdele... tak jsme v háji. Podplukovník Sheppard chce zabít nás." Zelenka muttered weakly.
"Doc, I don't know what you said, but I agree. We're dead men walking." Lorne stared down the corridor toward the transporter. "Come on, doc; let's go face the music."
The door to the military's large briefing room slid open as Lorne approached, revealing Colonel John Sheppard sitting alone at the large table at the front of the room. He had a large bandage on his head, his left hand wrapped in gauze and his left arm in a sling. He motioned for the two men to approach. His expression was intense; Lorne visibly shuddered.
"Colonel, I know what you may think," Lorne stumbled over his words, "but it - it wasn't supposed to…" He stopped as Sheppard held up his hand.
"Wasn't supposed to be what, major, doctor? No one was supposed to get hurt. It was all supposed to be in jest?" Sheppard waited for an answer.
Zelenka opened his mouth but no words escaped. Lorne simply uttered a quiet 'yes, sir.' Sheppard stared at the men for a minute before a slight smirk broke across his face. He motioned toward the open door. Zelenka and Lorne whirled around to see Ronon enter, followed by Teyla, and McKay and Captain Stackhouse and his team. They were attired in various bandages and splints, and slowly made their way to the front of the room.
As the Emara off-world team assembled next to Sheppard, he asked, "Once again, gentlemen; you never intended for anyone to be hurt?"
"Colonel, it was suppose to be a joke; I, " he looked over at Zelenka, "we thought it would be funny. Alagio, Governor Mura, thought it would be hilarious; they are a very fun-loving people, colonel. We never thought that…"
"You never thought that anyone would get hurt, much less die?" Sheppard stood up, "It's your lucky day, gentlemen." He nodded to his teammates, and Lorne and Zelenka watched incredulously as one by one, the others removed their fake bandages.
Once everyone was finished, Sheppard rose from his chair, removing the bandage from his head and the wrapping around his hand. "We stage the medics rushing to the planet, and the injuries to give you something to think about. The blood was easy to mimic. We used the same berries that make the mutaks pink. Everyone else is fine." He motioned to his arm, "I'm the only one with a real injury; that is unless you count the giant pink bunnies."
"Oh, sir, I don't know what to say." Lorne dropped his head.
"If you have anything to say, you should say it to Dr. Parrish and Dr. Crane." Once again, Sheppard motioned toward the doorway.
Through the door came two of Atlantis's scientists, Dr. David Parrish and Dr. Andrea Crane, still dressed in their bunny costumes, minus the heads. With them as they entered were Governor Alagio Mura, Dr. Cressy, and Richard Woolsey. Relief flooded Lorne and Zelenka's faces as they realized that Parrish and Crane were alive.
Loren put his hand on Zelenka's shoulder and whispered, "Maybe we won't die." Zelenka didn't look convinced.
When the two men turned around, they saw that Woolsey and McKay had joined Sheppard. Woolsey spoke, "Major Lorne, Dr. Zelenka; before I turn you over to Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay respectively to mete out punishment, I would like an explanation, a full explanation."
Lorne was solemn as he spoke, "This all began when my team accompanied Dr. Cressy on his first visit to Emara. Governor Mura and his people were so hospitable, more so than most we have encountered." He glanced at Teyla, "The Athosians excluded, ma'am." Lorne took a breath and continued, "There was a problem with their water pumping system in the community, so I volunteered to bring Dr. Zelenka to see if he could fix it. Dr. Zelenka spent a few days on the planet fixing the water system and lets just say, we became quite friendly with the governor and many of the others."
Woolsey asked, "Friendly? What you mean by that, major?"
Lorne was quite certain Woolsey already knew the answer to that question; the Emarans produced a very nice alcoholic beverage called nesa. The Atlantians visiting had taking quite a liking to the nesa when off duty.
"Sir, we spent quite a bit of time with the Emarans learning about their customs and we have grown to like them very much. We learned about their festivals and all the events that were included, it just sounded like a lot of fun. We started talking one night, and the next thing I knew we were planning an event for their storytelling"
Sheppard interrupted, "Major; the rabbit costumes are yours, correct?"
"Yes, sir; they are; I ordered them for the Halloween party last year."
Zelenka spoke, "Colonel, this is my entire fault; I thought that it would be fun to play practical joke on everyone, I suggested the costumes, I enlisted Dr. Cressy…"
Dr. Cressy interjected, "Colonel; we all readily agreed to the plan. It wasn't all Dr. Zelenka's doing; we all share in the blame." Doctors Parrish and Crane quickly agreed.
Governor Mura took a step forward, "Please, everyone; we would not be having this discussion had my fellow Emarans and I not encourage the 'practical joke' as Dr. Zelenka called it. You must understand, throughout our history, we have made a conscious choice on Emara to fill our lives with joy. That decision was made far back in our history after the Wraith first culled our planet. We could have easily given up, lived in fear and in hiding, but my ancestors chose to live life to the fullest. Art, music, storytelling, games, all became as important to us as medicine, science, and commerce,. We built tunnels with hidden entrances to hide the Wraith and we were very fortunate to be culled less and less as our hideouts became more sophisticated. But when we were in those tunnels, we played games, we told tales, we acted out plays and sang, we did not fear."
The governor paused, looking around the room at the Atlantians, "I instigated this game, colonel. Your people told us of the hardships that Atlantis had suffered, especially those of you and your team. We wanted you to have fun, so we devised the scenario of a giant bunny. Something your people and mine thought would be so absurd that you would catch on quickly. We were planning a feast for you this evening, to celebrate our fun and tell the story for all to share. What we didn't understand colonel was that protecting all of us, your people and mine would always take precedent over fun."
Dr. Parrish spoke, "Colonel; I was about to give up. We only intended to allow you to corner us, then reveal who we were. However, from my vantage point, I saw Ronon stun Andrea, and I panicked a bit. When I turned to see you running at me with your weapon raised, I ran. I almost stopped at the edge, but you hit me, rolling us over the bluff." He chuckled, "I know it isn't funny now, colonel, but I will never forget the look of shock on your face when you saw that my costume head had come off in the fall. I am so sorry that you injured your shoulder. We never intended for this to happen."
Mura clasped Parrish's shoulder, "Colonel, your people only wanted to give you and your team a bit of fun. We gave them the means; if you are angry with anyone it should be me."
Woolsey turned to Sheppard, "Have you heard enough, colonel, Dr. McKay? Both men answered yes and Woolsey announced, "All of you with the exception of the colonel and Dr. McKay are dismissed. Governor, if you would also stay."
"When they were alone, and sitting at the table, Woolsey grinned, "I believe, gentlemen that our people are genuinely concerned about their futures. What do you propose doing about them?"
Mura interjected, "Please, I have no right to ask, but I beg of you, do not punish them, I am just as much to blame."
Sheppard laughed, "Don't worry, governor; we have no intention of giving them any serious punishment. We think making them the situation had gone seriously wrong was punishment enough. However, I am thinking that Major Lorne should spend some time cleaning glassware in the science labs. Rodney?"
McKay was gleeful, "Sheppard, I think my errant scientists should be washing a lot of puddle jumpers over the next couple of weeks." Sheppard smiled and nodded his head vigorously.
Mura was grinning broadly, "Gentlemen, I think you might be more like the Emarans that you realized."
Sheppard leaned back in his chair, "Now, what was that about a feast, governor?"
~~ooOoo~~
A few hours later, as they waited for the stargate to engage, Sheppard walked over to Lorne who was standing a bit apart from the group that was going to Emara for the promised feast.
"Major, you do know that you really aren't in trouble, don't you?"
"Yes, sir; I really appreciate that. I don't mind doing clean-up duty in the labs. I deserve that. I am just thankful that you decided not to put anything in my permanent record, sir."
Sheppard laughed, "Lorne, you could probably add a whole bunch of stuff to mine. Let's just call it even."
"I am very sorry that you were injured, colonel."
Sheppard tugged at the sling, "This thing…as soon as I am out of Keller's sight, this is coming off. She wanted me to wear this as a precaution; my shoulder's only badly bruised. Thank goodness for that thick carpet of grass on Emara."
"Well, sir; you could have been a lot harder on us, thanks for all of us."
The stargate event horizon settled. As Sheppard turned to walk through, he glanced back at Lorne, a mischievous expression on his face. "Don't worry major, I'm not done with you yet. I don't plan to let you forget the great bunny caper any time soon. I am so not going to have to do paperwork for a very long time." He chuckled, "I might even have you do paperwork in the bunny costume, major." Laughing, Sheppard joined his team as they stepped through the gate.
Watching Sheppard dissapear through the puddle, Lorne had no doubts that the colonel was going to have fun at his expense. As he approached the gate, the major wondered, "What mischief can we pull off next?"
The end…
Also, a link to a story I wrote last spring...
A Peep a Day