(no subject)
I've had a lot on my mind lately.
i had a sweet strees-breakdown at work yesterday. they put me in, on a friday night, with 3 new hosts for 2 hours. they don't know what they're doing and dont listen, and on friday nights you need to know what you're doing cause it gets busy. so i just left them up from by themselves for about 10 minutes while i stood in the back against the wall. i felt like i would explode on anyone that looked at me wrong. been awhile since i felt like that. and then i felt on edge for the rest of the night.
moving in 2 months. still don't have a job in oakville. that's been a huuuuuge factor in my stressed-out-ness for the last little bit. i got my tax return though, so my june rent is already put aside, which is a bit of a relief, to know that's paid for. but still, i need to come up with rent every month. which means job.
jeff is moving to vancouver for the summer. ya, i dont see him all that much now. but at least i have the option. so that's kind of sad. he leaves tomorrow, but he's home (in newmarket) today...i might stop by before i go to work. but if i dont, then i wont see him till september. which is sucky. and he probably wont really have access to the internet out there, cause he'll basically just be sleeping on random couches for 4 months. the thought of it is kind of freaking me out a little bit. people say it'll be good for me, to not see or really talk to him. but i dont think it will be. cause then i just sit around and dream. when i talk to him, things are more real because i see that he has his own life and his doing his own thing. bleh.
alex (boy from work) and i broke things off a little while ago. we talked things out and both decided that we had too much shit to figure out, and just pushing it all to the backs of our minds and trying to be together wasn't really helping either of our situations. we're on good terms though. we still sit and have lunch together if we're off around the same time. we still make each other laugh. but sometimes we look at each other with sad eyes. i think it's a little bit of the old 'dont know what you've got till it's gone' thing. cause he's an awesome, awesome person. the timing is just off.
having said all that...i've really liked this other guy, ryan, for a while. i get all butterflies and all that around him. things between us are just starting up. again though, i dont feel like i can do boyfriend/girlfriend things. neither can he though, he and his girlfriend broke up awhile ago and it was pretty rough on him. we're just hanging out, enjoying each other's company, and just seeing how things go. but again, i'm leaving in 2 months. i dont want to do distance things. call me a quitter, but it's just too hard. and, not to sound mean, but i just dont think that it's worth it. it's not worth my worrying and missing-ness and all that. at least, it hasnt been shown that it's worth it yet. but i'm skeptical.
i just can't get put of this rut i'm in. it's starting to wear me down.
i had a sweet strees-breakdown at work yesterday. they put me in, on a friday night, with 3 new hosts for 2 hours. they don't know what they're doing and dont listen, and on friday nights you need to know what you're doing cause it gets busy. so i just left them up from by themselves for about 10 minutes while i stood in the back against the wall. i felt like i would explode on anyone that looked at me wrong. been awhile since i felt like that. and then i felt on edge for the rest of the night.
moving in 2 months. still don't have a job in oakville. that's been a huuuuuge factor in my stressed-out-ness for the last little bit. i got my tax return though, so my june rent is already put aside, which is a bit of a relief, to know that's paid for. but still, i need to come up with rent every month. which means job.
jeff is moving to vancouver for the summer. ya, i dont see him all that much now. but at least i have the option. so that's kind of sad. he leaves tomorrow, but he's home (in newmarket) today...i might stop by before i go to work. but if i dont, then i wont see him till september. which is sucky. and he probably wont really have access to the internet out there, cause he'll basically just be sleeping on random couches for 4 months. the thought of it is kind of freaking me out a little bit. people say it'll be good for me, to not see or really talk to him. but i dont think it will be. cause then i just sit around and dream. when i talk to him, things are more real because i see that he has his own life and his doing his own thing. bleh.
alex (boy from work) and i broke things off a little while ago. we talked things out and both decided that we had too much shit to figure out, and just pushing it all to the backs of our minds and trying to be together wasn't really helping either of our situations. we're on good terms though. we still sit and have lunch together if we're off around the same time. we still make each other laugh. but sometimes we look at each other with sad eyes. i think it's a little bit of the old 'dont know what you've got till it's gone' thing. cause he's an awesome, awesome person. the timing is just off.
having said all that...i've really liked this other guy, ryan, for a while. i get all butterflies and all that around him. things between us are just starting up. again though, i dont feel like i can do boyfriend/girlfriend things. neither can he though, he and his girlfriend broke up awhile ago and it was pretty rough on him. we're just hanging out, enjoying each other's company, and just seeing how things go. but again, i'm leaving in 2 months. i dont want to do distance things. call me a quitter, but it's just too hard. and, not to sound mean, but i just dont think that it's worth it. it's not worth my worrying and missing-ness and all that. at least, it hasnt been shown that it's worth it yet. but i'm skeptical.
i just can't get put of this rut i'm in. it's starting to wear me down.