Story time!

Nov 12, 2008 19:38

So I think it would be a good time to waste time and post my NaNovel here.  Not only gives me an excuse to not write, but it is a good way to back up the novel!


This story begins in a medium sized bakery, in a medium sized village, in a medium sized county, in a medium sized nation. Eleanor was barely listening to her father, the baker, as he ranted and raved about silly things like her future, her respectability, her future, etc. There were cakes to prepare, and it wasn’t like her father hadn’t harped on this subject over and over again ever since he ahd first caught her making out with Rex.

"I can not believe that you’d throw yourself away on a scum bag like that! He’s a city boy! He’s not from around here. We do not know anything aabout him. You know what Mrs. Carrullo from down the street says about that Rax idiot? Do you? Do you Eleanor? Do You? Hmmph! Well she said that he wsa a pick pocket back in the city. And she heard that directly from Mr. Brenner, who has a cousin in the city who had a friend who said he knew Rex there. See? That man is a dangerous no life! And he may work for the Lrd and Lady, but you know them, they will trust anybody! They even hired Harold for their chef and everyone knows Harold is mentally disabled! Hmmph! All I want for you is the best! And that boy is not the best! And what if somebody saw you two together! I would die of shame if Mrs. Carrullo walked into the bakery one day! I can not even picture it! I need to sit down! Eleanor! I can not believe that you would do this to me! What about that nice Brenner boy down the street? He seems so nice and respectable. I mean, he doesn’t actuaally have any arms, but he is so respectful and quiet!" While her father ran on in this mannner Eleanor busied herself with the days baking that her Father had forgotten to do. She glanced out the window past the Baker’s gesticulating arms only to see his professed worst fear: Rex himself.

"Hold on daddy, I have to go outside for a minute."

"Alright, but you come right back, I am not done talking to you young lady."

"Yes dad." She ran out to Rex.

Eleanor was a fairly short, slightly plump girl with strong eye brows and dark brown long hair. She was only about twenty five years old but she already had laugh lines around her mouth. She loved to laugh more than anything else. She had rosy cheeks,s full lips, and big hazel eyes that made her pretty even if she wasn’t exactly thin. Eleanor and Rex kissed extensively like the young lovers they were. as they finally sdurfaced for air, Eleanor said, "My dad really doesn’t like you very much."

"Is that so?" Rex replied.

"Indeed. He just spent the last forty five minutes explaining to me in great detail how I am throwing my life away on you. Like I plan on spending the rest of my life with you anyway."

"You are such a romantic, Eleanor."

"No, I carry no pretensions about our relationship. I need to get married to somebody rich and old so he’ll die quickly and leave me all his money, and you, once you get get tired of country living, and you will get tired of country living-"

"I am not so sure,"

"I am, you will get tired of it soon enough, and then you’ll go back to the city, run the scam that finally gets you caught, get thrown in jail, and rot there until you die of old age."

"I think I like your fate better than mine."

"Really? I think my fate is an imprisonment as much as yours."

"Ah, but your imprisonment has nice clothes, good food, and a family, mine has rats and disease. If I had to choose..."

"That is is another reason why we could never actually be together long term. I prefer rats to commitment."

"Is that so?" There was another round of snogging then, but Rex broke it off, "I have to get back."

"Ah the crazies can wait another five minutes."

"Do not call them the crazies!"

"But it’s true, the lord and Lady are mad as pants!"

"Wel...Yes, but that is not the point. They are harmless, really."

"What about the time Lord Blank convinced you to put him in full body armor then set himself in the middle of the road to the village and demanded a candy toll of everyone who passed by."

"That was harmless!"

"What about what happened when that Brenner kid refused?"

"He didn’t really have great arms anyway." Rex muttered half heartdely. Rex was thin and wiry and was about twenty six years old. He had short dark hair and deep black, almost soulful eyes that melted all of the girls in the city. Eleanor, however was different and hadn’t been instantly seduced by his natural charm and dashing good looks. In fact, being with her made him feel like a teenager again all awkward and uncomfortable. It was an interesting feeling that he didn’t altogether dislike.

"I do not know why you still work for them."

"Well the people in this town are not really lining up to give me a job, now are they? Besides, I like the Lord and Lady, there are some days when their crazy barely shows through at all."

"Like the time the Lady told Harold that he would be fired if he ever wore pants again?"

:Well-"

"Or the time that they decided to play life sized chess and hired all of the kids in the village to act as the pieces?"

"Well that was just-"

"Or the time that the lady got too drunk and ran through the middle of town naked. Do you really want me to go on?"

"Not really."

"I thought not."

"Look, Elle, they maybe crazier than a drunk hobo with syphillis, but they are kind to me, and it’s an easy job that pays well. And my plan is to make enough money that maybe you will marry me someday."

"I told you not to talk about marriage to me again Rex." She said, hitting him only slightly gently on the shoudler.

"I know," he said, relenting, "it’s just something to think about. Well now I’ve really got to go. They sent me out to pick up all of the string and wine I could find. I do not really think I want to know what they are planning this time." And with one last kiss he ran off in the direction of the lord and lady’s manor. Eleanor sighed at his retreating form and returned inside to get back to ignoring her father and glazing the lemon cookies.

Rex, meanwhile, carrying a bag full of string and a couple of jugs of wine, walked up the the manor house. It was a large gothic mansion with few windows and stone facings. The architecture was unique compared to the rest of the country. The fashion was large, open air, marble pkeasure palaces that suited the warm climate and many years of relative peace. This stone monolithic fortress certainly seemed out of place. The Mad Lord had comissioned it to be built not long after his sanity started to slip. The Lord hadn’t always been crazy, it had been around his twentieth birthday when for no apparent reason he started to dress like a lady, sing operettas at the top of his lungs in public places, and otherwise make a complete and total fool of himself without caring a whit. His parents had been flabbergasted and had tried to cover it up as much as possible. It was a nightmare trying to find him a wife. They eventually pulled a princess out of a small, impoverished, litte known country to their north. When she arrived, however, it quickly became clear that she was at least twice as mad as her new husband. The two were in love though, and his parents just kept them close to home until they died. THey Lord and his lady now lived a fairly secluded life in the manor house with Harold (the cook), their two great dogs (Hank and Hank, noth girls), and their manservant, handyman, and all around house keeper: Rex.

Rex pushed through the more commonly used back door into the kitchen, carfeully maneuvering his string and wine so nothing fell. Harold was at the stove and waved happily at Rex who waved back. He set to work on his daily chores to get them out of the way. Feeding the dogs, dusting the first floor, making the beds, rearranging all of the furniture that the lady had knocked over or broken the day before, and preparing to bring the Lord his evening brandy and wafer cookies. With cat like grace he carried the tray with brandy and snack up the stairs and into the Lord’s study only to drop it with shock the minute he entered.

four hundred glazed lemon cookies Eleanor had finally convinced the baker to go off to the pub early and the peace and quiet had made the cookie glazing all the more bearable. Now she was singing her favorite bawdy drinking song and dancing with a cookie in one hand and bowl full of glaze in the other. Rex burst in the door behind her scaring her so much she dropped the bowl of glaze on the floor. Rex, now covered with glaze started apologizing profusely and trying to clean up the glaze with only his bare hands and his pants while Eleanor laughed like crazy. She finally pulled him off the floor, a feat all the more incredible considering how slippery the glazed floor was, and pull himself together.

"I am so sorry, Elle! I can not-"

"Stop apologizing dimwit!" She replied with a barely supressed laugh, "what did you come storming in her for anyway?"

"Oh! I can not believe-I totally forgot what I had come in here for-stupid cookies! I am so sorry again-"

"Rex!"

"Right, sorry, damnit I did it again didn’t I?"

"What the hell do you want man? Spit it out!"

"Right! So I was bringing the lord his brandy and wafer cookies-"

"wafer cookies?"

"Do you want to hear what I have to say or are you just going to interrupt at every little detail?"

"Sorry, go on dear."

"As I was saying, I was bringing the lord his evening brandy and wafer cookies just like I do every evening, and I walked in, and I saw...I saw..."

"What? What did you see?"

"I...I..."

"What is it, Rex?"

"IT was so traumatic. I just..."

"Spit it out Rex. What did you find when you went to the Lord?"

"I saw the Lord and the Lady...they were...they had been in the middle of a chess game...and when I walked in...they were..."

"What were they? Your storytelling is pretty terrible today sweetie,"

"They were...well, naked...naked and dead."

"Dead?!" She shrieked.

"Dead."

"How? What happened?"

"It looked like they had both just dropped dead of their own accord. Not a scratch on them, nothing. I searched the room, I looked everywhere. There wasn’t any explanation. I didn’t know what to do! So I just...came here. Oh dear, why did I just leave, I have to go...tell everyone...find harold. What should I do? I am not sure what to do." Eleanor moved him gently to a chair in the corner of the room and put a glass of water in his hand. She thought for a second and watched as he downed the water. She decided that what he needed was for someone else to take charge of the situation and tell him what to do.

"Calm down, Rex. Everything is going to be fine. We’ll figure everything out. Now, what you have to do is go find the Mr. Carl the undertaker. I will go to the manor and tell Harold what’s happening and then wait for you there. Okay? Does that sound good?" Rex seemed steadied by the water. He stood up from the chair and shook himself off like a wet dog, trying to wake himself up. Eleanor saw as he steeled himself to the situation, straightened his back and set his face into a grim focus. HE finally nodded,

"Yes. I will go." Eleanor was touched by how upset he seemed to be she smiled comfortingly at him.

"alright, do you need more water?"

"No, I am alirght now," He moved towards the door but stopped and looked back, "and thanks." He moved out the door in the direction of the undertaker’s house. Eleanor watched him walk away for a second before bending down to clean up the last of the cookie glaze. As she stood up with the bowl (thankfully unbroken), Rex burst in threw the door again scarig her into dropping to bowl for a second time.

"Rex!"

"Fuck, sorry!" he yelled, "but I just thought of something that I wanted to tell you-no, I should not..."

"Should not what?"

"Nothing, nothing. I just had an idea. But it’s not...good."

"No, tell me what it is. You made me break the bowl this time, and I want to hear your stupid idea."

"No, no. I feel like an awful person just for thinking of it."

"Rex. If you do not spit it out right now, so help me god..."

"Fine, but you will just slap me upside the head as soon as you hear it."

"Is it another scam? How can you be thinking about a scam at a time like this?"

"Well, a time like this is kind of what made me think of it." Rex always thought Eleanor looked cute when she was mad at him for being a scammer and now that adorable look of anger and exasperation was rapidly forming on her features right now.

"What are you talking about?"

"I know it’s awful, but I was thinking that maybe..." he steeled himself and finished his sentence as quickly as possible to avoid the full force of Eleanor’s fury, "we could not tell anyone about the Lord and Lady then go to court in their place, and then steal a lot of stuff and, you know, live happily ever after." Eleanor stared at him in silince for a few seconds, mouth agape, before gathering her wits and punching Rex in the shoulder repeatedly.

"You dimwit! How could you come up with a plan like that?"

"I am sorry, I know! You made me tell you!"

"I can not believe you are thinking about money at a time like this. A time like this!"

"Stop saying ‘a time like this!’" Rex relpied trying to protect himiself from the wrost of Eleanor’s blows, "I am sorry, it was a stupid idea,"

"It was!" Eleanor replied, finally letting her punches stop. There was a pause where they both looked at each other. Eleanor sighed.

"It would be a lot of money," Rex put out hesitantly.

"Yes, it would." Eleanor nodded slowly as she replied.

"And, the Lord and Lady would probably have thought it was a great plan,"

"I do not know how much their reccomendation is worth, but yes, that is true."

"And it would be fairly easy to pull off."

"Yes, it would."

"And it would be a lot of money." There was another pause as they both took into account all of the pros and cons a plan like this would have. On the one hand it would bring them more riches then they could evr imagine, they would be able to trick the entire village and those in the court, and it would really only harm the nobles whose money they would take, and they had enough money to do without what Eleanor and Rex could take anyway. On the other, there was a chance they could get caught, and the penalty would be sift and severe, they would have to leave that village behind forever, and, worst of all, the Lord and Lady d’Escabele would not be honored with a funeral.

"I am so ashamed of my self right now."

"I know, me too."

"We should not do it, and that is that." She said with a shrug.

"Right. you are right."

"It’s just wrong. We could not do it."

"should not even be thinking about it."

"Right."

"Right." Eleanor, however, could not control herself any longer.

"I think we should do it." Rex exhaled loudly and replied,

"Oh, I am so glad you said that. I think we should do it to."

"This is so wrong, but who, really does it hurt?"

"no one, really."

"And it’s not like we could get caught if we are careful."

"Exactly, as long as we convince Harold not to say anything, and he’s pretty easy to convince, we’ll be fine."

"and if we pull it off..." Eleanor’s voice trailed off as she imagined the possibilities. Rex too looked dreamily into the distance.

"We could travel the world," he sighed. Eleanor shook herself out of her trance and Rex saw her put her getting-things-done face on.

"Alright, let’s stop getting ahead of ourselves. Is it agreed? Are we doing this?"

"Sadly for our immortal souls, yes, I think we are." he replied.

"Alright. Then we need a plan."

"Since when do you make plans, Eleanor?"

"Since when do you steal the names of the dead in order to steal money from the aristocracy, Rex?"

"Touche. Okay, so we make a plan."

"Thank you. We need to get rid of the bodies. We need to convince harold to go along with it. We need to convince the entire village that the Lord and lady are planning on going to court even though they are crazier than a pair of drug addled monkeys. We need to pack. We need to do all of this quickly so we can get out of her as soon as possible and reduce the risk of getting caught before we even start. We need to make sure my Dad doesn’t figure out I’ve gone for a couple of days so we have time to put our plan into action. We need to get going!"

"My, my Eleanor, it’s like you’ve done this before or something."

"what can I say, I must be a natural scum bag."

"Do not knock it until you try it darling."

"Shut up, Rex."

"Love you, sweetie."

"You: go, tell Harold something, bury the Lord and Lady (prefereably somewhere pretty and hidden), and then meet me back here."

"No."

"No?"

"No, I will not meet you back here. your father will be back from the pub by the time I’ve done all of that and my coming here and conferring with you in whispers may arouse some suspicions."

"Good point."

"I know, I am a trained professional." He replied with a snide laugh.

"Oh, bite me. So what are you going to do instead?" She said, clearly not impressed.

"I am going to go to the pub to tell everyone about the plans of the Lord and Lady. You know, how they are just dying to present themselves to the King and Queen."

"Alright, that will do fine. I, meanwhile, will pack, and once my father gets back from the tavern I will throw him off the scent. When we’ve done all that, I will meet you back at the Lord’s manor and we’ll finish packing there and finalize all of ours preparations. We’ll leave tommorow morning."

"you do not think we should wait for a couple of days that we can take more time maybe seem a little less rushed?"

"no, nobody will see us rushing around and the sooner we leave the less rish of getting caught."

"I see your point."

"I knew you would. Now go!" And with a quick kiss, Rex was off to the manor to dispose of the bodies.

"But where are they going?" was Harold’s first question when Rex tried to explain what was going on to him. Harold was simple, to say the least, and Rex gave up trying to explain the concept of death to him.

"Alright, Harold. Think of it this way: the Lord and Lady are going to go away for a very long time, in fact, they probably will not be back." Harold understood this at least and nodded. Rex continued, "now, can you help me with something?"

"Oh, yes!"

"Good, Harold. I need to move these two roughly human sized, cloth wrapped bundles, and put them in two big holes we have to dig in the garden."

"Okay,"

"Good, now take an end." Together they moved the shroud wrapped bodies of the Lord and Lady into the wheel barrow Rex had placed outside the door. "Okay, good job Harold, now you follow me with the wheel barrow and I will grab the shovels." Harold nodded again and they set off.

Night was falling swiftly and the sun had already fallen behind the trees at the back of the manor. The grounds were empty as usual except for the slow moving forms of Harold, Rex, the wheel barrow and the two big hounds, Hank and Hank. They inched towards the labyrinthine tree and pathway formation not far behind the house. The Lord had built it for a halloween party once and was rarely used except by the Lord and Lady who, when feeling more sane than usual, went for long walks through it. It had been their favorite place while living and Rex thought it fitting to lay them there. The digging took a lot longer than Rex had expected, and he and Harold worked hard to dig a hole deep enough and wide enough to hold both the lady and her husband. There was a close moment when the cloth wrapped around her body slipped as they tried to lay it in the hole, but Harold, thankfully remained oblivious. The wind rustling through the trees and the sharp eyes of the confused dogs made the scene eerie and surreal. Rex shivered slightly as the wind frose and fell. Finally the bodies were in the ground and coveredwith earth. Rex and Harold trompedf inside. Breaking the silence, Harold suddenly asked, "what will ahppen to me when the Lord and Lady leave?

"You’ll be taking care of the dogs. You’ll be cooking for yourself, and you’ll be making sure the house is safe."

"what will you be doing?"

"I will be going with the Lord and Lady to make sure that they stay safe.""

"oh"

Elanor, meanwhile was still in the bakery finishing everything she had to do for her father. She went upstairs to the small cramped apartment above where her and her father lived. It was warm from the ovens, and cozy but also very petite.Eleanor took it all in. That small apartment had been her home since birth.She had hted every minute she had been there too, and now she regretted it slightly. Elanor was small and round in staure but big in spirit. She was active since birth and full of energy. She loeved foo, srink, people and living life to the fullest. Living the life of the baker had never appealed to her. Now, howver, that her chance to escape from the incessesant, unceasing doldrums of village lifehad finnally arrived, she began to reflect on her life, and reminiscence is aways more appealing than the actual living througth it. She smiled to herself that she, Eleanor of all epople, would be regretting the chance to take a risk and live it up.She sighed and got started on packing.

By the time her father arrived hom eleanor had the few things she wanted to take with ehr packed in her bag and was just setting up her plan to cothrow her father off the scent. He stumbled throught the doordrunk like he did most nights, especially since her mother had died four years ago.

"Hell pumpkin," he slurred. Pumpkin was the nickname he only used when he was very drunk or very happy, or both. Eleanor shoved down her disgust and put on a smile. Most nights she wouold just ignore him and let ihim sleep it off, but tonight she needed him to mrore drunk than usual.

"Hello daddy How was your evening?"

"Very, very, very nice, thank you...so much."

‘That is nice daddy. You look thirsty. Would you like something to drink?" She ased as he sank down into his favorite armchair in front of the fire

"What? Yes.. yes, ues, that would be very very very nice.." hereplied. SHe quickly poured him a glass of the strongest wine in the house. It was a wine that had been kept for a special occasion. Eleanor could think of nothing more exciting than the night beofer she left for good. The baker tipped the glass up and slurped down the whole glass in one go. Would you like to hear a story...a story about the queen, pumpkin?" Eleanor smiled and nodded even though she had heard the story thousands of times before. She wanted her father as drunk and compliant as possible."Good. Because I just want to tell it." Eleanor poured him another full glass of wine.

"start from the very beginning then."

"I will," he said, still slurring like crazy, "It all started one night, it was a dark and stormy night, and it’s a story of intrigue and chaos, and intrigue! And it was stormy and dark. I was in the city for the year, I was an appren-arrenti-appentis-appr..."

"Apprentice?"" Elanor supplied helopfully.

"Yes, that is the word. Thank you, pumpkin." Now, anywya, I was in they city and Ii was walking along the bank of the river with your very own mother. God was she a looker. A reall looker. her legs! Her breasts! I mean, she was very polite...you know. So, we were walking along the river that goes along the edge of the city in the direction of the palaec. It’s such a big place that palace, all white and gittering in the moonlight. Not that there was moonlight on that fateful night because, you know, it was dark and stormy. You couldnt=

t even see the moon. Because of the storm. you know."

"And then what happened?" Eleanor asked as she refilled her father’s wine glass again.

"Well, then I was walking, with your moother, Right? And we saw one of those big party barges that the King and Wueen used to host parties on. And it was all lit up and trying to get back to the apalace because they were all getting wet because it was dark and stormy, and the storm had come on quite suddenly. And we were watching them go. I do not know why we were out for a walk. You mother, she loved the rain, inexplicamable really, we were wet and cold, it was miserable. Is do not know why we were walking out there, but we were, so we saw the boat trying to get back to the apalce.All of a sudden, we, me and our mother I mean, we weheard all of this screaming. It was coming form the boat, and they were screaming. And over the sound of the wind and the rain, becuasse it was a dark and stormy night you know, over it all we heard splashing and flaling, and then some one some shouted "the queen" Drowning!" so I figured even if it wasn’t the queen drowning I’d better risk my life to save whever fell in, because we, me and your mother I mean, we could tell that someone had fallen intothe river. And even the best swimmer when caught all unawares would have drowned on such a dark and stormy night. So I ripped my shirt off and threw it to your mother, because she was there with me. So i dove into the river. And the current was strong that night. She is a gentle river the Mile, but that night she was strongeer than ten oxen, and I fought my way over to where I had seen the splash. I went deeper and my hands grasped this form. It was heavy, but I pulled with all of my strength! and I pulled and I pulled and slowly we vcame to the surface. both of us sputtering like mad. We barely made it to the boat - the shore, where your mother was, was much too far away. And they pulled us both on board. And it was the queen! I had saved teh queen! But even after she was safe on the boat, the Queen was still screaming. Do you know waht she was still screaming? My child! my child!" and I figured out thaat the Queen’s daughter, the princess! was on the boat! The princess! So I sook of the boatmen and jumped right back in that icy cold water. I searched and searched and searched but no where could I find the form of poor priness isabelle. The queen sobbed and sobbed. I had still saved the queen however, do not get me wrong, ti was not my fault."

"Of course" Elaeanor said soothingly, knowing that to this day her father still thought he should have been able to save the princess too, especially since that would have made the story even betterShe poured him yet another glass of wine.

"Bring me that mob, there on the manle." Elanor brought it to him, jnowng full well what was in it but being obliging for the sake of her plan. She pulle dit down and set it on his lap.

"Goo, good. In this box - do you know what’s in this box? I will show you." He opened and pulled out a small gold medallion, still shiny and ne. "This, pumpkin is what the King, King Grummon himself presented to me the day after that dark and faithful night. Can you miagine that/ Even after losing their daughter our gracious royal family thought fit to grace me, a humble baker’s apprentice, with theis gold medallion..." He trailed off in his fond reminscnce of that day. "do you know that I remeber it like it was yesterday? Kng Grummond and his Queen attop their thrones, the little prince standing next to thier thrnone looking handomse and imposingeven at that iyung age. He was only hree then! The throne room as big as four of ten of this room! And humble me being honored just for doing my civil duty." Eleanor let him ramble on some more. Her father was a small minded man who basked in the sahdows of the royal and important, but never would achieve aqnything great himself. He seemed to knwo this and now lived drunk and inhi memories of happier times with his wif and his one brief touch with the royal famiyl. That had been just one yar before elneaor was bronand her father had told her that story more times then she could count. As he finished one last glass of wine and smiled fondly at his rembembrances, eleanor thought she saw her chance.

"Daddy?"

"Yesth, pumpkin?"

"You know how Uncle Harry in his village has been looking for an apprencitce?"

"um...No?"

"Well he has."

"Oh, ok."

"Well, atually I was thinking that it would be really nice of me to go over there for a couple of weeks to, you know, help him out until he could find someone. I mean, you know better than anyone that I am a great baker, and Uncle Harry could really use the help."

"You are so generous, pumpkin."

"Thank you daddy. So can I go?"
‘Of co..." his voice triailed off as he fell asleep in his chair. good enough, thought eleanor and covered him with a balanket.

Rex had just walked into the tavern as the baker had left. There had been an awkward moment where the baker glared drunkenly at him over his skewed glasse and Rex had tried to smile as charmingly as possible (which, frankly, was pretty charming but still had absoluteely no effect on the baker). Rex breathed a sigh of relief as Eleanor’s father went on his way and moved quickly through the door of the tavern. Rex, as much as the baker disagreed, was well liked in the village and he was greeted with no small measure of enthusiasm. He waved off some friends who were sitting in a corner and instead took a more central seat at the bar next to Mrs. Carrullo who was, without a doubt, the biggest gossip in the village.

"Good evening Mrs. Carrullo!" Rex said.

"Well, good evening young man!" Mrs. Carrullo was a big round woman with a red face she had taken a liking to rex on the first day he arrived in their village because she liked how mysterious his past was. She continued, "and what shenanigans are you getting into this night?" Rex laughed at this phrasing and entered into conversation with her. Slowly he threw into conversation the lie that the Lord and Lady were going to be leaving to go to court the very next mroning. The people sitting around Rex were surprised but accpeted as the truth.

"Well, I would not be surprised if we saw them at the end of one week. The King and his queen will take one look at the two of them and send them back north to the country with us." said the man sitting on Rex’s other side. The tavern whose entire body of customers by this time was listening to Rex with interest. Rex laughed too,

"Be that as it may, my friends, they owuld go to court. I will be going with them, since I already know the city, and Harold will stay and take care of the house and dogs."

"Why the sudden start?" another patron asked.

"You know those two, once one of them gets an idea, it must be put into action as soon as possible or they go into even bigger fits of madness then before." Everyone laughed again, knowing full well the behaviors of their nobles. Rex added, "a toast! To the Lord and Lady!" The tavern patrons all raised their glasses and echoed his toast. The patron then started to tell his favorite Lord and Lady story,

"Do any of you remember that time when the lord taught all of the little girls in the village to play viollin then had them serenade him every morning for a month to awaken hiim in the morning?" Rex stuck around for another half an hour to finish his drink and listen to the stories the villagers had to tell. All and all it was the most fitting funeral for the Lord and Lady he could think of, confused, unconventional, and liquor filled.

Eleanor left her father in a blissful drunken stupor. She wrote a note on the kitchen table reminding him that she had gone to "visit Uncle Harry," grabbed the things she was going to take with her and walked out of the door without a single look back. She crept spy like along the edge of the road toawrds the manor house, sticking to the shadows, jumping at the slightest noise. Chances were if she wsa seen nobody would really notice anything odd as she often was seen going out after her father passed out, but tonight there was excitment in the air and this sneaking around buisness was great fun so she was going to take advantage of it while it lasted.

Rex, on the other hand, was also sneaking around, less for the excitment and more because he was jumpy. He had been a masterful scam artist when he lived in the city, pulling of job after job flawlessly, sometimes for his own amusement and sometimes because he was hired to. The last one had been a scam on what turned out to be the largest mob boss and slum lord in the city, Big Joe. And Big Joe, on finding that he was duped was so unhappy he put a price out on poor Rex’s head. That was the reason he had left the city. The incident had shaken his confidence in his abilties though, and now he wsa even more worried that eleanor, who he loved even if she denied felling the smae way, was involved and would be punished if they were caught out.

Unfortunately, they were both so focused on not being seen out in the open eventually they chose the same hiding place at the same time and scared each other out of their wits.

"That is the third time today you have made me almost crap my pants, jerk!" Eleanor whispered in an indignant tone.

"I am sorry, I was trying to be sneaky." Rex said.

"Me too."

"Well we are really doing a great job at that now."

"shush, I think I hear someone coming."

"that is a dog."

"Oh, right."

"why are you so jumpy?"

"Why are you so jumpy?"

"I am not."

"Then why are you hiding."

"Cause it’s fun!"

"This is not a game Eleanor."

"What are you, my mother?"

"I am just saying."

"Well why are you hiding."

"I do not know."

"You are nervous are not you?"

"No..."

"I thought you have done this before!"

"I have, many times."

"then why do you look like you are about to piss your pants?"

"I do no look like I am about to piss my pants."

"Whatever. Let’s just get going." Eleanor pulled out from behind their trash bin delicately balancing all of her things. Rex muttered,

"I do not look like that." before sighing and following eleanor out onto the street.

They made it to the manor without meeting another soul. They had an extremely busy night. Eleanor spent the hours turning the Lady’s often wacky clothes into passable court wear that fit her slightly larger frame. The fashions for courtly ladies at that time were extravagant, colorful, and often, absurd. Eleanor had always followed the lastest fashions with glee. In fact, she considereddc it her guilty pleasure. She normally prided herself on being able to keep up with nayone and bot being weighed down by superficial things like appearnce but she could not ignore the fact that she was just naturally interestedd in the newest clothing styles. The lady liked to wear simple shifts in the most outrageous colors possible which didn’t exactly fit with the latest fashions. She sewed furiously to make them detailed, elegant garments.

Rex, meanwhile, started the evening polishing the carriage, packing anything they might need, organizing all of the supplies and funds for the journey, and, the thing which took the most time, prepping Harold on how to take care of everthing when they were gone.

"Now, Harold, you need to remember a couple of things to do while we are all gone." Rex started.

"Of course, no problem, I will do anything you need Rex." Harold replied and made to walk away. Rex pulled him back,

"hold on, Harold, I haven’t told you what they are yet."

"Oh, yeah I forgot about that."

"I noticed. First of all you need to feed Hank and Hank everyday. They eat sausages. Can you remember that?"

"I think so. Feed the dogs. Sausages."

"Good Harold. Next you need to make sure that all of the doors are locked when you are not there. Can you do that?"

"I think so. Keep the doors locked when I am not there."

"Good, good. Next you are going to have to make sure there’s always enough food for you and the dogs in the Manor."

"Have enough food."

"Alright, now say back to me all of the things you will have to do once we are all gone."

"How many were there again?"

"Three. There were three things, Harold."

"Okay. One: Feed cats."

"No, Harold. Feed dogs. Dogs."

"Oh, OK. Feed dogs."

"Better."

"Third:"

"You forgot one."

"Already?"

"yes, already."

"Oh, I will start again."

"Nope. just from where you left off will be fine."

"OK. Second?"
"
"Second: Keep doors locked when I am in the house."

"Close, so very, very close."

It went on in this manner for ten minutes more until Rex finally gave up and wrote out a daily to do list for poor Harold.

Eleanor and Rex eventually both ended up in the lord and lady’s study in big armchairs ulling together last minute details. They fell asleep within instants of each other only an hour before the sun was to rise.

As the first rays of sun began to peak threw the iwndow dressings and fell across eleanor’s eyes she woke up instantly.

"Rex!" She yelled, startling him out of his sleep. They began running around like chickens with their heads cut off. While eleanor tried to cram their trunks on top of the carriage rex hurriedly hitched the horses up. Harold looked on sleepily, still not awake yet. Eleanor announced from the top of the carriage where she was stuck, "Rex, honey, I am stuck. I need help."

"Where the hell are you?" he said, not seeing her up above him and looking around.

"I am up here."

"up where?" He finally saw her on top of the carriage and laughed heartily. Eleanor threw her shoe at him and hit squarely on the forehead. "Furck! Eleanor! That hurt like a bitch! Here, I will get you down. Take my hands." They had an awkard, uncomfortable moment as Eleanor tried to slide gracefully off of the carriage and into his arms and instead ending up getting caught in the rack and falling down on top of him knocking the breath out of Rex.

"Damn!" she said, "sorry honey."

"It’s fine or at least it will be once you get off of me."

"sorry!" With one last effort they manage to get disentangled.

After that small blip of an instant, the most difficult obstacle they had to surmount in their departure was tricking Harold into thinking that the LOrd and Lady were already in the carriage and that, admitidly that didn’t even take very much effort. At last, Rex jumped on to the driveers seat and Eleanor took her place inside the carriage.

‘Do not forget to wave at the villagers as we pass by. It’s what the lady would do."

"Will they be able to see that there’s only one person in the carriage?" she asked in reply

"I do not belive so," he said, "you al set?"

"Yeah, let’s get this show on the road!" And with that, they set off. They made it through the village without incident. Only a few villagers had enough time to go out and watch the carriage pass by, but they were all curious so some sotod out and watched them as they passed. Eleanor waved lightly then shut the carriage curtains. As soon as they were out of sight of the village, Rex stopped the carriage and they both got out. Their hearts had been pounding that they felt like they had been running the whole distance (whihch was a couple of miles at ths point). "Do you mind if I sit up front with you?" Eleanor asked.

"Aw, you want to be close?" Rex answered mockingly

"No dirtwad, we need to start quizzing each other so we both kno what is what when we get to the palace and do not make complete and total fools of our selves."
"Oh. I see. That would work great. Actually, once we get closer to the city I will hire someone to drive the arriage so we can enter the city like a porper Lord and Lady, not driving their own carriage, you know." Eleanor laguhed,

"wethat might have thrown people off." So, while Rex drove the horses on, eleanor rode beside him and worked on sewing. ThIn between tehir questions to each other were occasional bouts of swearing on Eleanor’s part when the needle got to friendly when they went over a bump in the road.

"Good thing this dress is red," Rex remarked with a smirk.

"You are going over all of the bumps on purpose, I can tell Rex." she replied, not impressed by his sarcasm.

"OK, first question"

"shott."

"Name the lord and Lady and their son."

"Easy. King Grummond III, Queen Anastasia, and their sn is Prince Leon."

"That was an easy one. Now, what is the king’s basic political philosophy."

‘Well that one is easy too."
.
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