Prayers please
Well, I was right. As it turned out the teacher who's place I was supposed to take isn't going to Seven Mile because the funds weren't raised for her program so she's staying here and I don't get the job. It broke my heart to tell you the truth. Pretty much crushed me. The day started out rainy, knowing that I was substituting for the worst class at Bloomfield, finding out that I'd have a student return from a 5-day suspension, and then discovering I no longer had a long-term position. Before 8:10 this morning I was already in tears. Rough morning.
I think the biggest disappointment was that for once I finally felt like I was going to make something out of myself. I was going to earn decent $$ to help support mine and Greg's finances. The burden could somewhat come off of his shoulders. I was going to be able to serve him in that aspect. I was going to feel like I was making a difference and that I was worth more than my $82/day. And the job was going to be steady. I wasn't going to have to worry if I would have a job from day to day. I was so excited! I was really going to be able to do something important. Even the teachers at this school were proud of me and happy for me. The students all seem to really like me. In fact, my 5th grade class that I have subbed for 3 times keep asking how it's going cuz they think I already started it. So now i get to have the privilege to tell them all, all the people who celebrated with me, that I was wrong. It didn't work out.
It just seems like I've had let down after let down. Greg doesn't even know this, but Fairfield hired 6 new K teachers this year. After all the hardwork I put towards trying to get on there, I wasn't ever even called for an interview. I'd like to think that its because my license was pending but who knows? Satan likes to beat me up and tell me that it's because I just wasn't good enough. My best wasn't good enough. And now this let down. I know Greg loves me, but I feel like I'm a burden sometimes. Oh I'm trying to win this battle in my mind. I'm actually doing pretty good about thinking, "This wasn't God's will so He must have something better for me. Its an adventure. Perhaps I'll end up with my own classroom. Who knows?" Funny thing, after thinking that Greg called and left me a message basically saying the same thing. I hope we're right. I'm gonna be strong and get thru this. I'm gonna claim the positive over my life. I mean, if God can give me something as wonderful as Greg Dodge to be my forever life partner, then He can meet my financial needs. He will. Now its a trusting thing. Just pray for me that He'll show me the goodness in all of this, what His plan is. I thought I knew it, but I guess I was wrong.
I think the biggest disappointment was that for once I finally felt like I was going to make something out of myself. I was going to earn decent $$ to help support mine and Greg's finances. The burden could somewhat come off of his shoulders. I was going to be able to serve him in that aspect. I was going to feel like I was making a difference and that I was worth more than my $82/day. And the job was going to be steady. I wasn't going to have to worry if I would have a job from day to day. I was so excited! I was really going to be able to do something important. Even the teachers at this school were proud of me and happy for me. The students all seem to really like me. In fact, my 5th grade class that I have subbed for 3 times keep asking how it's going cuz they think I already started it. So now i get to have the privilege to tell them all, all the people who celebrated with me, that I was wrong. It didn't work out.
It just seems like I've had let down after let down. Greg doesn't even know this, but Fairfield hired 6 new K teachers this year. After all the hardwork I put towards trying to get on there, I wasn't ever even called for an interview. I'd like to think that its because my license was pending but who knows? Satan likes to beat me up and tell me that it's because I just wasn't good enough. My best wasn't good enough. And now this let down. I know Greg loves me, but I feel like I'm a burden sometimes. Oh I'm trying to win this battle in my mind. I'm actually doing pretty good about thinking, "This wasn't God's will so He must have something better for me. Its an adventure. Perhaps I'll end up with my own classroom. Who knows?" Funny thing, after thinking that Greg called and left me a message basically saying the same thing. I hope we're right. I'm gonna be strong and get thru this. I'm gonna claim the positive over my life. I mean, if God can give me something as wonderful as Greg Dodge to be my forever life partner, then He can meet my financial needs. He will. Now its a trusting thing. Just pray for me that He'll show me the goodness in all of this, what His plan is. I thought I knew it, but I guess I was wrong.