quals and experiments
i fail at science. i really do. i know that rather than complaining how f'ing much i have to know for quals i should probably be studying for them, but at the moment i feel like venting. so here it is.
i can't do experiments and study for something that's really freaking important at the same time. it just doesn't work. i just can't. none of my fucking experiments have been working for the past 2 months because i've been soo freakin' stressed about passing quals. yesterday's mock qual, while helping me realize how much i have still have to do, made me realize that there's a bunch of shit that i don't know that i should for the damn thing that's in 9 days! and what's more than that, my boss is putting more pressure on me to do my experiments better because guy that i'm helping is trying to graduate, and they're trying to publish a paper, and suddenly it's up to me to be able to do experiments that allegedly took him 2 years to finally figure out how to do well so that they can publish their results. and so now i'm convinced that she feels like it's my fault for not being able to do said experiments (even though i've only been in the lab for a year) and that it's my fault that she has to take time away from the other things that she's doing because i can't do what she wanted me to do. which i guess is valid, but at the same time what the fuck??
it's days like this that i feel like i made a poor life decision because obviously i can't be a scientist. sure i haven't had experience but apparently i'm expected to be able to do everything really f'ing well. maybe it's my fault for not asking for more help, maybe it's because i sat on my data and didn't show her anything, i don't know. anyway, i need to f'ing learn about f'ing cell migration.. stupid piece of junk.
i hate science.
i can't do experiments and study for something that's really freaking important at the same time. it just doesn't work. i just can't. none of my fucking experiments have been working for the past 2 months because i've been soo freakin' stressed about passing quals. yesterday's mock qual, while helping me realize how much i have still have to do, made me realize that there's a bunch of shit that i don't know that i should for the damn thing that's in 9 days! and what's more than that, my boss is putting more pressure on me to do my experiments better because guy that i'm helping is trying to graduate, and they're trying to publish a paper, and suddenly it's up to me to be able to do experiments that allegedly took him 2 years to finally figure out how to do well so that they can publish their results. and so now i'm convinced that she feels like it's my fault for not being able to do said experiments (even though i've only been in the lab for a year) and that it's my fault that she has to take time away from the other things that she's doing because i can't do what she wanted me to do. which i guess is valid, but at the same time what the fuck??
it's days like this that i feel like i made a poor life decision because obviously i can't be a scientist. sure i haven't had experience but apparently i'm expected to be able to do everything really f'ing well. maybe it's my fault for not asking for more help, maybe it's because i sat on my data and didn't show her anything, i don't know. anyway, i need to f'ing learn about f'ing cell migration.. stupid piece of junk.
i hate science.