Life Sucks
I have a lot of problems that I can't even explain to those that are closest to me in my life, unless anyone that reads this can understand. They include the following:
1) As many friends as I have, as many people that I'm friends with and never break a trust with, it seems that I don't have any friends at the same time because I have so few close friends. This can be explained by a couple things. Those close friends of mine are at other colleges. Luckily, one is at South, but he doesn't live on campus, hence, I'm left here with no one that I can go up to and just speak what I'm feeling and get something out of it. Secondly, it's amazing how many people consider me their friends, yet I always seem to be the one that people would least want to talk to. I can't explain that. I guess that question can be answered by simply saying that I don't really like to talk smack about other people. In high school, all I ever heard from people's mouths was a discussion about how someone else was being stupid or retarded or was doing some sort of activity that others thought were not appealing in any sort of way. It also seems like when I have sometihng influencing to say, I'm never heard, and when I overexplain things to people, I just bore them to sleep. I have the worst timing when it comes to saying too much or not saying enough, or completely saying the wrong thing. I noticed that's probably the reason why some people might have disliked me in high school. It seems like I'm more imperfect than everyone around me. Everyone has different interests, but when people find something they have in common with another (in my case, I was in band; therefore, I had a lot of band friends), they tend to build a friendship. Well, I find life so complex that everything that people talk about, I can't keep up with it. There are too many barriers keeping me a away from having a "life", or so people say. I guess I mean parties, clubbing, the basic 18 and older activity. There are some others, but I'll let you guys brainstorm those activities. My question is am I wrong for wanting to do my homework before even thinking about what I'm going to do this weekend, or wanting to just kick back and watch a movie and hang out with a small group of friends instead of partying it up with a mob of idiots that don't even act themselves at the club anyway. Everything I do is 100% pure. That explains why I'm so gullible, but I have gotten better ;). Even though i'm neutral on many basic arguments, I'm liberal in politics. I believe in foreshadowing what will happen if you go do one activity instead of another, like going to clubs instead of the movies. When I usually go to the clubs, there is always uncertainty of what's going to happen, who I'm going to meet, and where I'm going to be. Usually, it just turns out to be a waste of money. When I go to clubs, it always seems like I'm the one that has to meet the people, not the people meet me. As shy as I am on a first-time basis with people, the club does not fit my slipper. Instead of worrying about what fun I'm going to have, I'd rather figure out how to work out a physics problem. Why am I weird because of that? Is trying to succeed being weird? Is having a professional job being weird? Is Bill Gates weird? Is God weird? Because I'm a soft-spoken person, my thoughts and opinions will never be heard because there's always someone who isn't soft-spoken, and his thoughts and emotions will be heard before mine, if mine are ever heard. I guess that explains why I was so quiet in high school. I've gotten better now, and I'm much more confident, but I still don't understand why people say, "Steiner, you're going to have the greatest support group behind you and have the girl of your dreams marry you." I've had about 100 people tell me that, and while I have a small support group, I haven't come close to having the love of my life. Because I'm just a friend to EVERYONE. I guess I haven't been aggressive enough, but from what I've said, I would be too aggressive at the wrong times and get myself in trouble.
I got drunk one time this past summer, and I'm never going to do it again. Why? Because it's stupid and not realistic. Alcohol manipulates the mind. I hate being manipulated. I like being in control, even though I hardly ever am. People said that I would end up being a great leader and wondreful role model. Well, while I consider myself to be a charismatic person, one of my former baritone players decided to deliberately take over my section leader role without caring about my thoughts and opinions about it. I'll regret never telling anyone that it was actually happening. Perhaps I thought that no one would listen to a guy like me. I guess that's partially my fault for not speaking up, but I'm not a tattler at the same time. So I guess from everything I've said, I've put the pressure on myself instead of opening up. But other quiet people seem to find the love of their dreams. Why can't I?
1) As many friends as I have, as many people that I'm friends with and never break a trust with, it seems that I don't have any friends at the same time because I have so few close friends. This can be explained by a couple things. Those close friends of mine are at other colleges. Luckily, one is at South, but he doesn't live on campus, hence, I'm left here with no one that I can go up to and just speak what I'm feeling and get something out of it. Secondly, it's amazing how many people consider me their friends, yet I always seem to be the one that people would least want to talk to. I can't explain that. I guess that question can be answered by simply saying that I don't really like to talk smack about other people. In high school, all I ever heard from people's mouths was a discussion about how someone else was being stupid or retarded or was doing some sort of activity that others thought were not appealing in any sort of way. It also seems like when I have sometihng influencing to say, I'm never heard, and when I overexplain things to people, I just bore them to sleep. I have the worst timing when it comes to saying too much or not saying enough, or completely saying the wrong thing. I noticed that's probably the reason why some people might have disliked me in high school. It seems like I'm more imperfect than everyone around me. Everyone has different interests, but when people find something they have in common with another (in my case, I was in band; therefore, I had a lot of band friends), they tend to build a friendship. Well, I find life so complex that everything that people talk about, I can't keep up with it. There are too many barriers keeping me a away from having a "life", or so people say. I guess I mean parties, clubbing, the basic 18 and older activity. There are some others, but I'll let you guys brainstorm those activities. My question is am I wrong for wanting to do my homework before even thinking about what I'm going to do this weekend, or wanting to just kick back and watch a movie and hang out with a small group of friends instead of partying it up with a mob of idiots that don't even act themselves at the club anyway. Everything I do is 100% pure. That explains why I'm so gullible, but I have gotten better ;). Even though i'm neutral on many basic arguments, I'm liberal in politics. I believe in foreshadowing what will happen if you go do one activity instead of another, like going to clubs instead of the movies. When I usually go to the clubs, there is always uncertainty of what's going to happen, who I'm going to meet, and where I'm going to be. Usually, it just turns out to be a waste of money. When I go to clubs, it always seems like I'm the one that has to meet the people, not the people meet me. As shy as I am on a first-time basis with people, the club does not fit my slipper. Instead of worrying about what fun I'm going to have, I'd rather figure out how to work out a physics problem. Why am I weird because of that? Is trying to succeed being weird? Is having a professional job being weird? Is Bill Gates weird? Is God weird? Because I'm a soft-spoken person, my thoughts and opinions will never be heard because there's always someone who isn't soft-spoken, and his thoughts and emotions will be heard before mine, if mine are ever heard. I guess that explains why I was so quiet in high school. I've gotten better now, and I'm much more confident, but I still don't understand why people say, "Steiner, you're going to have the greatest support group behind you and have the girl of your dreams marry you." I've had about 100 people tell me that, and while I have a small support group, I haven't come close to having the love of my life. Because I'm just a friend to EVERYONE. I guess I haven't been aggressive enough, but from what I've said, I would be too aggressive at the wrong times and get myself in trouble.
I got drunk one time this past summer, and I'm never going to do it again. Why? Because it's stupid and not realistic. Alcohol manipulates the mind. I hate being manipulated. I like being in control, even though I hardly ever am. People said that I would end up being a great leader and wondreful role model. Well, while I consider myself to be a charismatic person, one of my former baritone players decided to deliberately take over my section leader role without caring about my thoughts and opinions about it. I'll regret never telling anyone that it was actually happening. Perhaps I thought that no one would listen to a guy like me. I guess that's partially my fault for not speaking up, but I'm not a tattler at the same time. So I guess from everything I've said, I've put the pressure on myself instead of opening up. But other quiet people seem to find the love of their dreams. Why can't I?