sleepless night = overdue update
Okay, let's get the shit that's first on my mind typed out first before it gets lost...then on to the "all-too-easily-remmebered" shit (u'll see why if u read on).
There are two people that I love so strongly and have such a huge part in my life that merely contemplating living without them around makes me want to cry. One of those two people of course is my terrific girlfriend, Heather. I love her so completely and totally that it scares the living shit out of me...and yet makes me oh so warm inside. And the other person that when i really think about it I love more than anything short of Heather, is my Calabash. 'Nuff said. I'm seriously tearing up just thinking about how much i love those two.
Now to the aforementioned "all-too-easy-to-remember shit. If I had a working camera i'd administer pics upon your eye orbs, but alas I do not. So I'll try to paint a vivid picture for you. Ants. Fucking everywhere. IN this very goddam keyboard. The 3rd LOTR movie, with the ghosts swarming over the elephants.....the elephants are my possesions, you can figure out the rest. I stay the nite 2 days at Heather's house, and this is what I come home to. Before I continue...the funniest part about this shit...If you've known me long enough I've described how my parents literaly never come on my side of the house for months on end....and U probably scoffed in disbelief....is that they have no fuckign clue that we have the entire nation's share of ants in my room.
It started when I got home at about 7 on Sunday (today? yesterday? wtf time is it?) and went into the bathroom to wash various types of stink off of my body. And there were the ants. The proverbial "tip of the iceberg"; about 13 on the floor. i disposed of them quickly before a parental unit might come in and notice. then, as i opened the shower curtain to turn on the water, (the scene is shot from behind the right shoulder of the naked man as he opens the shower curtain is slow motion, violins shrilling eerily in the background) and the entire fucking bathtub is filled with approxiamtely 50+ stranded ants. Knowing the only possible reason the bastards could be in my bathroom, i go into that kind of shock where u know somethign terrible is coming, but u can still function on some kind of autopilot, just trying to get done what u think is important before facing the terror.
So I get out of the shower, go to my room door, which somehow now looms in front of me twice as tall as before, and open it, looking towards the window with the desk underneath, upon which sits 2 computer monitors and the rats' cage. and just as i'd feared, I behold stream after stream of ants all over the place as I pan my gaze from the rats' cage, to the closet, back to the rats, to the hamsters, and back to the rats. I can see that the nexus of the activity is the rats' cage. So I leap over there like a goddam gazelle and sieze the rats, which are un-ant covered, from their ant covered cage.
When i get them back to what I thought was the safety of the carpet near the door, I soon realized my mistake as i looked down and watched about 87 ants swarming under my feet swarm right on up onto them. After cleansing my feet of the evil I found a temporary home for Chewbaca and George and went and told the parents I was gonna clean my room..... cuz if they found out about this shit I would be castrated before I could blink. Then i checked the hamsters to make sure their cages had no been violated...which they had not. And so I started the slaughter with the vaccuum, cuz my dad would smell the Raid if I used too much. In time I cleared myself a "safety square" in front of the door and established my territory with a Great Wall Of Raid, with Lysol to mask the smell.
And so the truce has held since about 11:30, when I ran out of Raid when rebuilding the Great Wall. I can see if I glance that way that the corpses clearly show where the Wall once stood, even though it has now long since evaporated. And here I sit upon my bed, which is not even in the safety zone, but which is only plagued by small squadrons of gutsy ants every once in awhile, which are easily dispatched with a couple of pinches of the thumb and fore-finger. So now it just comes down to if the remaining invaders are repelled by the weakening deadly fumes of the rapidly departing Wall before the morning when I can go purchase more Raid, or if when I wake up curled amongst the "safe" items that were cleansed and put on the bed i'll be covered in ants.
end
There are two people that I love so strongly and have such a huge part in my life that merely contemplating living without them around makes me want to cry. One of those two people of course is my terrific girlfriend, Heather. I love her so completely and totally that it scares the living shit out of me...and yet makes me oh so warm inside. And the other person that when i really think about it I love more than anything short of Heather, is my Calabash. 'Nuff said. I'm seriously tearing up just thinking about how much i love those two.
Now to the aforementioned "all-too-easy-to-remember shit. If I had a working camera i'd administer pics upon your eye orbs, but alas I do not. So I'll try to paint a vivid picture for you. Ants. Fucking everywhere. IN this very goddam keyboard. The 3rd LOTR movie, with the ghosts swarming over the elephants.....the elephants are my possesions, you can figure out the rest. I stay the nite 2 days at Heather's house, and this is what I come home to. Before I continue...the funniest part about this shit...If you've known me long enough I've described how my parents literaly never come on my side of the house for months on end....and U probably scoffed in disbelief....is that they have no fuckign clue that we have the entire nation's share of ants in my room.
It started when I got home at about 7 on Sunday (today? yesterday? wtf time is it?) and went into the bathroom to wash various types of stink off of my body. And there were the ants. The proverbial "tip of the iceberg"; about 13 on the floor. i disposed of them quickly before a parental unit might come in and notice. then, as i opened the shower curtain to turn on the water, (the scene is shot from behind the right shoulder of the naked man as he opens the shower curtain is slow motion, violins shrilling eerily in the background) and the entire fucking bathtub is filled with approxiamtely 50+ stranded ants. Knowing the only possible reason the bastards could be in my bathroom, i go into that kind of shock where u know somethign terrible is coming, but u can still function on some kind of autopilot, just trying to get done what u think is important before facing the terror.
So I get out of the shower, go to my room door, which somehow now looms in front of me twice as tall as before, and open it, looking towards the window with the desk underneath, upon which sits 2 computer monitors and the rats' cage. and just as i'd feared, I behold stream after stream of ants all over the place as I pan my gaze from the rats' cage, to the closet, back to the rats, to the hamsters, and back to the rats. I can see that the nexus of the activity is the rats' cage. So I leap over there like a goddam gazelle and sieze the rats, which are un-ant covered, from their ant covered cage.
When i get them back to what I thought was the safety of the carpet near the door, I soon realized my mistake as i looked down and watched about 87 ants swarming under my feet swarm right on up onto them. After cleansing my feet of the evil I found a temporary home for Chewbaca and George and went and told the parents I was gonna clean my room..... cuz if they found out about this shit I would be castrated before I could blink. Then i checked the hamsters to make sure their cages had no been violated...which they had not. And so I started the slaughter with the vaccuum, cuz my dad would smell the Raid if I used too much. In time I cleared myself a "safety square" in front of the door and established my territory with a Great Wall Of Raid, with Lysol to mask the smell.
And so the truce has held since about 11:30, when I ran out of Raid when rebuilding the Great Wall. I can see if I glance that way that the corpses clearly show where the Wall once stood, even though it has now long since evaporated. And here I sit upon my bed, which is not even in the safety zone, but which is only plagued by small squadrons of gutsy ants every once in awhile, which are easily dispatched with a couple of pinches of the thumb and fore-finger. So now it just comes down to if the remaining invaders are repelled by the weakening deadly fumes of the rapidly departing Wall before the morning when I can go purchase more Raid, or if when I wake up curled amongst the "safe" items that were cleansed and put on the bed i'll be covered in ants.
end