The Hopelessness of Sorrow
This ache becomes part of who you are and who you will be. It will never go away. The realization of that can seem daunting, depressing, cement in your lungs. Fifty years from now when you are married and happy and completely free from the memory of that someone, with 2.5 kids and a dog, you'll wake up in the middle of the night because you thought you heard their voice or smelled their skin. You'll see a shadow in the door that was never really there. It will happen, and it's easy to dread how you'll feel when it does. It's so easy to be afraid.
Grieving is important but wallowing makes you dirty. Sorrow is not hopeful. It is hopeless to live in sorrow and expect anything to change, for sorrow does not allow change. Change is dangerous, and sorrow is a home for us when we're broken - safe, clean, easy.
I am done living in sorrow's grey house. I will be sad occasionally, but I will not say to myself, "You are not worth my sadness." That would be a lie. I will no longer tell myself that you should feel my sadness. It is not hopeful to wish pain on others, and my pain will subside. It is easy to be afraid but I will not be afraid of you because we are not so different. For everything else I will have to be brave.
There is a forceful change in the wind. Things have felt tiny and idle inside my head for a while, and I am done with that. Someone once said that the world is full of amazing things, for those of us with the courage to look. Time to get reacquainted with the world.
Grieving is important but wallowing makes you dirty. Sorrow is not hopeful. It is hopeless to live in sorrow and expect anything to change, for sorrow does not allow change. Change is dangerous, and sorrow is a home for us when we're broken - safe, clean, easy.
I am done living in sorrow's grey house. I will be sad occasionally, but I will not say to myself, "You are not worth my sadness." That would be a lie. I will no longer tell myself that you should feel my sadness. It is not hopeful to wish pain on others, and my pain will subside. It is easy to be afraid but I will not be afraid of you because we are not so different. For everything else I will have to be brave.
There is a forceful change in the wind. Things have felt tiny and idle inside my head for a while, and I am done with that. Someone once said that the world is full of amazing things, for those of us with the courage to look. Time to get reacquainted with the world.