update on my life

Jan 19, 2005 23:36

Watching sex and the city over and over again really gets me thinking about my life. Granted they are 30something women who have more money (and designer clothes) than I can't even begin to imagine. But a lot of things they say or do hits home. I really can't think of any specifics tonight-but it just gets me in the mood to look at my life. And for those of you who are bored enough to read about it, here's everything about home, delaware, friends, and boys:

1-L-town:
Well, I spent 2 weeks at home for break. Usually I can't wait to get out of there, but I was actually really upset when I left this time. Maybe it was because I was only home for 2 weeks and didn't have enough time to get overly bored or angry with my mom. But I think it finally hit me that I don't live there anymore. I mean financially, sure I'm not on my own. Not even close. But realizing that the house I grew up in for 20 years wasn't mine anymore really got to me. My room feels like a guest room. I mean it hasnt changed since high school. All the pictures, the stupid things I have on my dressers, even the big D from playing tennis (which i hated and was horrible at by the way) is still hanging on my wall. I don't even recognize that girl anymore. That girl was insecure and trapped inside a body that wasn't me. People used to be shocked when I would do "crazy" things back then. I was supposed to be this good little honors girl. But deep down, that wasn't me. Looking at all that stuff in my room is sometimes a little hard to take. (Note to self: redo bedroom over the summer)

2-Delaware:
Who would ever think I would call this state home? But, this is really where I feel the most at peace.
I can do what I want, when I want to. And I certainly take advantage of that. I don't know I guess its similar to a typical college students' life anywhere. You know, work hard, party much harder. What's not to love? It's unfortunate that the real world isn't like this.

3-Friends
My friends here know me-the me I always knew I was. I am still the crazy one at times, but I'm not singled out because of it. They're all tons of fun and each have a little something that makes them special.
Then there's friends from home. I really can't believe how many I lost. And I'm ok with that. Like I said, in high school I was dying to get out of that mold I was supposed to fit into. A lot of people from home don't know the real me. They just think I'm the crazy one now. But the ones I do still talk to are great. There is a certain sense of distance when we're together, but we seem to look past that and enjoy eachothers company.

4-Boys
As usual, the most unsatisfying part of my life. The only time I was truly happy with a guy was this summer. And now that I had a little taste of that, I'm more unsatisfied than ever. I also realized I'm too young for that kind of relationship. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out what kind of relationship I need right now. So for now, I'm just having fun. I dunno, sometimes I really did wish I had someone there for me. Obviously your friends are there for you, but not the same way a boyfriend is. But then again, I can't imagine never living the sex and the city single life for a while once I have a career. And I don't see the point in being with someone that you can't see yourself with in the future. I feel like it's a waste of time. I should probably rethink that philosophy unless I want to remain single for the rest of my life. I'll put that on my mental to do list.

Well that's my life right now in a nutshell. Not bad, huh?
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