I know where the good goes...
Wow, I think I'm even over the 'get over it' song... at least I'd like to think so, oh well, reading week will do me good. I love breaking out of routine, although there are days when activity is what keeps me sane, but without it I tend to eat less (structured 3 meals a day is bull), get more sleep and become motivated without the threat of deadlines and hyper-panic. I sit. I drive, I pull out cds from my past and remember the optimistic moments when I could see straight into a future that I wanted. I lay down in sun beams in my laundry room and fall asleep to scary movies - hah, I'm unshakable at moments. I can listen to emo these days and laugh again, I can point out people whose lives are sadder than mine (rather than the egocentric depression that says I've got it worst), and gravitate toward those that will build me up. I can yell less at my mom because maybe she is trying to help instead of poke at every detail that I'm done talking about. I can let go of the notion that my friends should be engrossed in my situation and I can laugh when I go to buy 'feminine products' and the only teller is a very good looking guy who kind of smirks are my blushing and tells me to have a nice day with a great smile.
Things fluxuate, yesterday was restless. Today is fine, tomorrow will be as well and I suppose life will grow from the basic foundation of being fine (i.e. I am breathing, I am walking, I have all my limbs) and present chances, possibilities to soar above the base and even crash below but there is a steady factor, there is an equilibrium that every day still exists, every moment still presents itself, and the choices do not just stop. I wonder if I assumed time would stop, I wondered if I'd feel truly good again...I think that's probably where the importance of the individual does come in. I mean, we're learning, I'm learning, that in the end it's up to you, it's yourself that you have to live with,rely on, make and form into something that is..you. Whether by paradigms or faith, I suppose that would be the challenge of many. Guess at university we'd like to assume we're past self-formation, we'd like to think that we're intellectuals that are forming the world around us instead... not true not true. This is my education.
Things fluxuate, yesterday was restless. Today is fine, tomorrow will be as well and I suppose life will grow from the basic foundation of being fine (i.e. I am breathing, I am walking, I have all my limbs) and present chances, possibilities to soar above the base and even crash below but there is a steady factor, there is an equilibrium that every day still exists, every moment still presents itself, and the choices do not just stop. I wonder if I assumed time would stop, I wondered if I'd feel truly good again...I think that's probably where the importance of the individual does come in. I mean, we're learning, I'm learning, that in the end it's up to you, it's yourself that you have to live with,rely on, make and form into something that is..you. Whether by paradigms or faith, I suppose that would be the challenge of many. Guess at university we'd like to assume we're past self-formation, we'd like to think that we're intellectuals that are forming the world around us instead... not true not true. This is my education.