killing time with a toothpick
Okay so I'm stuck again without anywhere to go. thought I'd work on my online scholarhships but I'm on a stupid CCH computer that won't do anything let alone save my answers or barely let me update on here. Stupid. It's time to go study soon anyways.
Hope people show up tonight for the speaker. I think the worst thing is being in charge of something, coordinating it, and having it not work out. I'm not super worried about if people show up for any other sake, I mean it'd be good but I believe their spiritual journey won't be drastcally hurt if they don't and it's not a loyalty to me issue. If anything, it's the people who watch me, who go "aww she's planning things, isn't that cute?" that don't understand when they don't work out. Those that think perhaps if I had tried a little harder, asked a few more people, planned a little better, been a little better, that then it would have been great. And maybe it would have. Maybe it will be, we'll see. But I won't resign myself to the failure complex again, not today, maybe tomorrow as it comes so naturally. It's not me this time, not all of it at least, some of it is people and if people want to put it on anyone, they should know things have to be in God's timing and will and everything.
I'm reminded of when I went to cochrane for the tent meetings and only people from the church putting it on were in attendance. They had advrtised, anticipated and were completely gung-ho and yet... it didn't happen. Why? Maybe because they were using evangelistic methods that don't hold up in post-modern society, is that their fault? Sometimes not. Sometimes mistakes happen for bigger reasons than things that turn out. At the same time, if a big turn out had occured, perhaps those people would have been turned off of the whole concept. SO ... maybe God worked that out. Maybe they didn't fail. Maybe they learned or someone got something out of it. Or maybe this, what I'm reflecting on right now and passing on to the ultimate void of the internet, maybe that is part of the payoff. Just like some things in Pinehouse Lake, just like any time you put yourself out on a limb. It is never for nothing. It might make you feel bad, others might feel bad, others might make you feel bad... but so what? The other option is to plan and do nothing. As much as existentialism seems appealing and the apitamy of zen, it doesn't exactly work in this world.
I suppose this is why shallower things have consumed my mind lately. I've been a total let-down to talk to over the past couple of days because my brain is starting to avoid the overload of future contemplation, self-analysis, and deadlines. So ask me how's it going? I'll say good, and tell you my work schedule, then I'll talk about random nothing.
It works.
I've got to get out of here.
Hope people show up tonight for the speaker. I think the worst thing is being in charge of something, coordinating it, and having it not work out. I'm not super worried about if people show up for any other sake, I mean it'd be good but I believe their spiritual journey won't be drastcally hurt if they don't and it's not a loyalty to me issue. If anything, it's the people who watch me, who go "aww she's planning things, isn't that cute?" that don't understand when they don't work out. Those that think perhaps if I had tried a little harder, asked a few more people, planned a little better, been a little better, that then it would have been great. And maybe it would have. Maybe it will be, we'll see. But I won't resign myself to the failure complex again, not today, maybe tomorrow as it comes so naturally. It's not me this time, not all of it at least, some of it is people and if people want to put it on anyone, they should know things have to be in God's timing and will and everything.
I'm reminded of when I went to cochrane for the tent meetings and only people from the church putting it on were in attendance. They had advrtised, anticipated and were completely gung-ho and yet... it didn't happen. Why? Maybe because they were using evangelistic methods that don't hold up in post-modern society, is that their fault? Sometimes not. Sometimes mistakes happen for bigger reasons than things that turn out. At the same time, if a big turn out had occured, perhaps those people would have been turned off of the whole concept. SO ... maybe God worked that out. Maybe they didn't fail. Maybe they learned or someone got something out of it. Or maybe this, what I'm reflecting on right now and passing on to the ultimate void of the internet, maybe that is part of the payoff. Just like some things in Pinehouse Lake, just like any time you put yourself out on a limb. It is never for nothing. It might make you feel bad, others might feel bad, others might make you feel bad... but so what? The other option is to plan and do nothing. As much as existentialism seems appealing and the apitamy of zen, it doesn't exactly work in this world.
I suppose this is why shallower things have consumed my mind lately. I've been a total let-down to talk to over the past couple of days because my brain is starting to avoid the overload of future contemplation, self-analysis, and deadlines. So ask me how's it going? I'll say good, and tell you my work schedule, then I'll talk about random nothing.
It works.
I've got to get out of here.