Awe fuck...
Well, Ashes just left and im sad...all those feelings of love before were just bullshit. Because there is no way unless your a freak like me (which considering i just pointed out that i am indeed a freak like me) that you can fall in and out of love so damn fast. I also figured out why im so scared of Ashes..."Peachy, so i think i did something wrong to fuck up that friendship and my chances to get a girl that i really really like this time. Smooth Stefan...and i thought today was going to be a dream come true and i was going to fall asleep witha gorgious girl in my arms again tonight, wrong... i never get what i want...ever...so just give me yet another reason to scream FUCK YOU GOD!!! If you even fucking excist. So anyway that dropped my heart and day down the drain. So i sit here for another 2000 hours mopeing about and trying to be happy although im sick as fuck and a bunch of other random shit is fucking with me"...That quote was from a journal i made back in december about Kelly and i coulda swore to god that she was going to be mine but that didnt happen, and then there was Shelby who promised to me that she wouldnt hurt me for like a week before i actually asked her out. Fucking lame...I dunno just something is itching at me telling me not to care but i have to. I'm drawn in...maybe i should read her journal to see what she's like in those but i dont want to feel like im invading her life or anything. I love her to death but im afraid...nice. Fuck you feelings...im so screwed now if this does turn out to be more bullshit because of how attached i've become to her... ugh...im done for now. Please dont hurt me, all i want is to be loved...
I'm lost, Stefan
I'm lost, Stefan