silence
tonight i got a little weirded out by everything and i sat on the bench alone. then we went swinging and talked about the value of life and the insignifance of all the things that we really think are significant. i mean how could something as dumb as the things that make me confused really influence the grand scheme of things. and if it actually does influence it then i guess i was right all along. i write these letters to no one and i doubt anyone really understands what i am saying. but that's probably not your fault, i can't express myself the way i want you to hear it. my fingers are numb and blood is hot, but my words trip and twist over themselves for a chance to be released onto you. and as many times as we say let's make ourselves happy first the more i realize, well now that its up to me to do the things that make me happy maybe i dont know what those things are. what if i waste a million years trying to find good things and die before i find them? just a wasted existence. just wasted breath. but i'm ok usually with all of the insanity. just right now im not so ok with it. i'm going to see my old d-block friends tomorrow and i'm going to win the contest. maybe i'll come back refreshed and better and more comfortable with all these things that rotate around themselves and not around me. i'll just hide in the shadows while you all laugh at it.