A Letter to My Mom
50 Things to Blog About #17: A letter to your mum/grandma/child
So, I admit, this one I have put off for a while. I wasn't super inspired to write this letter and didn't even know to whom of the choices I would write it. But after I got off the phone with my mom tonight, I got inspired and thought I better take this opportunity and write this letter to my mom.
Dear Mom,
First, I want to say I love you. Not just as a passing thing we say on the phone or when we part but, truely, I love you. I know I take it for granted, having a mom like you. And I'm sorry.
When I was talking to you on the phone tonight and you were telling me about how you've been feeling, it kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. My mom has MS. It's definitely not new news. In fact, quite old. But for some reason, tonight, I realized how strong you've been after all of these years knowing you have it. And how you've fought it to the best of your ability. And how you never really let it stop you, although I know it has slowed you down, or have wanted others to dwell on it.
I know we haven't always viewed things in the same way and we can be very different sometimes but I want you to know that I admire you. I admire all you've been for me and Joe, all the sacrifices you made, and how through all of the hard times and your health issues, your faith is unwavering.
So, in addition to I love you, I want to say thank you. I want to have more honest conversations with you, as a mother and daughter should. I want to give back even just a portion of the love you gave and continue to give to me.
Love your daughter,
Stefania
I should probably give this to her, huh? I think I might for her birthday in July. She'll be the big 60. Kind of crazy to think. When I went through my really low point...wow, 3 years ago now, I kind of built up walls and lies so high that I forgot how to bond. Like, I literally feel inept at connecting with people. Even with people as close to me as my parents. So I struggle, I struggle to rebuild those bonds but I know the only way I can do it is to put myself out there and be honest while doing it. I hide behind my career, my busy-ness, my lack of energy. It's just excuses for the real fear of being vulnerable. And I need to get over it and just be real.