A Real Update...

Aug 10, 2004 00:55

So Jenn told me to update this thing w/ all the things that are going on right now w/ me and type out all my feelings... so here it goes.

I am sure everyone already knows but for those of you who don't know, Brian went for a interview in Sarasota on Friday. He got the job. The thing is he doesn't know whether or not he is going to take it for sure or not. He is waiting for a call to see exactly what they are going to offer him. Christian called him tonight and said they are going to call him tomorrow (tuesday) to make the offer. Now, I have had a VERY negative look on this whole thing which is wrong of me. I know I should support him since this would be a step up from his job now but it's just so hard for me to do that. I DO NOT WANT HIM TO GO AT ALL! It's killing me. Seriously! I can't eat, I can't sleep, everytime I think about it or talk about it w/ him I feel sick or it makes me cry. I know there is nothing I can do to stop him and that's not what I want to do I just wish there was some other way. Wish there was some perfect job here for him where he could make more money and be happy.

He came over tonight and we talked a lot about it. As much as it hurt me to say I did tell him to go ahead and take the job. I told him that if he didn't like it he could always come back. He said he was most likely going to take it. THAT HURT! Then I sat there w/ him and cried a while and he hugged me and told me that everything would be okay and that "What doesn't kill me will only make me stronger and that we will get through this."

It's really sad and pathetic but I just feel like I am losing my life. I mean besides Jenn I don't feel like I really have anyone. I mean I know Walsh is there but it's like she has Kevi and enough on her plate that I don't want to burden her w/ my problems. I know I can always count on Skyler too but he is just so busy w/ work and school and everything. I just want this all to be over and done. I want to know for sure what he is going to do so I can get past this and my body can get back to normal again.

Moving right along.. I actually hung out w/ Kerry yesterday. It was fun. We went to the movies... FINALLY SAW THE NOTEBOOK. That movie def. didn't help w/ everything. Made me cry more. Then we went to Bennigin's lastnight. It was a lot of fun. I saw a bunch of people from high school that I haven't seen in forever. Then today, went to lunch w/ Jenn then went to Nextel and got a new phone. My old one cracked so I figured it was time. The guy at the nextel store was soo nice and he is hooking me up w/ a bunch of free ring tones tomorrow. Anywho... I am tired so I guess I should try and get some sleep. Hope everyone is doing okay. Love you all....

~S
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