MATT IRWIN
So most of you know Matt. Or at least know of him. Last any of you heard of him, he went off to some boarding school because he was so screwed up and "stupid" as some people called him due to his use of drugs on school property (which led to his expulsion) Well, whatever you thought of him, whether truth or lie, may be rethought now. You see, he has returned a completely different person. Perhapse it was the place he went to. Maybe they had a good program and were somehow able to pull him out of his severe depression, suicidal tendencies, and drug abuse. Or maybe it was something else. A higher power. This essay he wrote (actually for a college application) shows the power that God has had in his life in radically turning him around. I hope it touches you as much as me. I hope it shows you the horrible impact teasing can do, unacceptance by peers, etc. and inspires you not to put people down by realizing the effects it can have on them. I also hope it shows you that the pain resulting from this can be healed though, as harmful as it is. I hope that it will give you hope in whatever you are strugging through. And I hope that you can see that this hope can only be found in an almighty, merciful God. Here it is...
"Over the past few years, I have been blessed with events in which God has moved in obvious ways to solidify my faith. The following is a brief testimony of the trials that God has brought me through as he refined me. Let me clarify that I am not attempting to gain sympathy, but rather, I desire only to be known on a deeper level. As a child I was diagnosed with ADHD, which was accompanied by facial ticks, and little if any concentration. The memories of teasing and ostracism left scars in my heart over the years and caused me to shed many tears. My reaction to the pain left me trapped in depression and the effect of "being different" layered itself deep in my mind. Until this last summer, I struggled to overcome the lies Satan had planted to keep me imprisoned. I was obsessed with presenting an image of myself so others would accept me. Most people saw me as a funny, out-going, loveable guy. But inwardly I believed I was not that kind of person. The struggle of keeping up an image and internally believing that I was "unacceptable" was enormous, so I began to give myself up to self-pity and isolation. Satan had me believing his lies about myself and my "differentness." At that point, I became an image of depression in every sense. I grew my hair out, listened to depressing music, my thoughts were very dark, I was suicidal, and I used drugs. My twisted thinking led me to believe that if I looked sad enough, maybe somebody would take pity and love me. Maybe somebody would say, "I’m sorry Matt, I love you, let me hold you."
In August of 2002, my parents took drastic action and enrolled me in a Christian residential care facility --- a small, Christ-centered facility in Missouri called Shelterwood. I went willingly and my desire was to find peace, but I did not know why I was so depressed. Even though I was saved at the time, I did not trust God and allow Him to be my Lord and in control of my life. Simply put, I did not trust God to meet my needs. I tried reasoning my way out of depression, failing as we all do when we try to heal ourselves. Only God could heal my heart, change my way of thinking and reveal the lies buried deep in my subconscious.
During the course of my ten months at Shelterwood, I was able to spend time with godly young men and the Lord slowly changed my heart. Our glorious, merciful, sovereign God showed me that the way to lasting freedom was to seek Him in all things, and He will always tell me the truth. I believed that Jesus died for my sins so that I was saved and would go to heaven, but I wasted years not trusting God’s hand over much besides my salvation. Once I obtained a glimpse of who God really is, how much he really loves me, and the power he yields, I was filled with huge amounts of joy and a strong desire to spread the Good News.
My life the past few months has been one of a strong hunger for knowing God and clinging to the truths that he is planting in me. I asked God to reveal himself to me so that I may have faith in what is true. That is a very powerful prayer. I am now seeking the Lord intensely. Once that fundamental belief, that God is absolutely real, was in place my perspective on everything shifted. As a result, I want to attend a college where my hunger to grow in the Christian faith can be fulfilled. I want a college where the students have a bond because they are on the same path as I am. I desire true openness with my peers. I want to know God, I want to love God, I want to spread the light God has lit in my soul to others. I do not have a plan as to where my faith will grow, I only want it to grow."
Praise God, for a life saved and changed! Praise God for his infinate power and might! For His grace, forgiveness, and mercy.
"Over the past few years, I have been blessed with events in which God has moved in obvious ways to solidify my faith. The following is a brief testimony of the trials that God has brought me through as he refined me. Let me clarify that I am not attempting to gain sympathy, but rather, I desire only to be known on a deeper level. As a child I was diagnosed with ADHD, which was accompanied by facial ticks, and little if any concentration. The memories of teasing and ostracism left scars in my heart over the years and caused me to shed many tears. My reaction to the pain left me trapped in depression and the effect of "being different" layered itself deep in my mind. Until this last summer, I struggled to overcome the lies Satan had planted to keep me imprisoned. I was obsessed with presenting an image of myself so others would accept me. Most people saw me as a funny, out-going, loveable guy. But inwardly I believed I was not that kind of person. The struggle of keeping up an image and internally believing that I was "unacceptable" was enormous, so I began to give myself up to self-pity and isolation. Satan had me believing his lies about myself and my "differentness." At that point, I became an image of depression in every sense. I grew my hair out, listened to depressing music, my thoughts were very dark, I was suicidal, and I used drugs. My twisted thinking led me to believe that if I looked sad enough, maybe somebody would take pity and love me. Maybe somebody would say, "I’m sorry Matt, I love you, let me hold you."
In August of 2002, my parents took drastic action and enrolled me in a Christian residential care facility --- a small, Christ-centered facility in Missouri called Shelterwood. I went willingly and my desire was to find peace, but I did not know why I was so depressed. Even though I was saved at the time, I did not trust God and allow Him to be my Lord and in control of my life. Simply put, I did not trust God to meet my needs. I tried reasoning my way out of depression, failing as we all do when we try to heal ourselves. Only God could heal my heart, change my way of thinking and reveal the lies buried deep in my subconscious.
During the course of my ten months at Shelterwood, I was able to spend time with godly young men and the Lord slowly changed my heart. Our glorious, merciful, sovereign God showed me that the way to lasting freedom was to seek Him in all things, and He will always tell me the truth. I believed that Jesus died for my sins so that I was saved and would go to heaven, but I wasted years not trusting God’s hand over much besides my salvation. Once I obtained a glimpse of who God really is, how much he really loves me, and the power he yields, I was filled with huge amounts of joy and a strong desire to spread the Good News.
My life the past few months has been one of a strong hunger for knowing God and clinging to the truths that he is planting in me. I asked God to reveal himself to me so that I may have faith in what is true. That is a very powerful prayer. I am now seeking the Lord intensely. Once that fundamental belief, that God is absolutely real, was in place my perspective on everything shifted. As a result, I want to attend a college where my hunger to grow in the Christian faith can be fulfilled. I want a college where the students have a bond because they are on the same path as I am. I desire true openness with my peers. I want to know God, I want to love God, I want to spread the light God has lit in my soul to others. I do not have a plan as to where my faith will grow, I only want it to grow."
Praise God, for a life saved and changed! Praise God for his infinate power and might! For His grace, forgiveness, and mercy.