feb 15, 2014
i'm in the middle of some kind of weird--episode? it's never happened to me before so i'm not sure what to call it. kinda like i'm floating around and not really touching anything?? or being present at all?? it's been going on since about new year's and it's making it v difficult to be happy for any stretch of time. the teeny tiniest little things make me so sad lately. a lot of it has to do with the way fandom's been, i think. i'm not particularly angry about anything or anyone, but it's really hard to watch so many people i met through spn begin to drift away from it. spn makes me so incredibly happy (who cried real tears of joy about the s10 pickup? THIS GAL) so when people leave, i just feel so sad that they don't feel the joy i feel. :(
i want to write really badly!! i want to channel all these bad feelings i'm having into some good art but i'm so exhausted from k&k that the idea of starting a new story, even a short one, is super daunting. i have a story i want to write about sam and lucifer that's been kicking around my brain since december and another one about baby winchesters + john that's been kicking around for even longer (never, ever thought i'd actually WANT to write about john winchester.........) and countless welcome to night vale tweets waiting to be adapted into stories but i dunno. so often i feel like i have nothing left of worth to say
(also, having a fic floating out there in the ether being beta'd and looked at by artist friends is incredibly stressful! who knew?? getting my fingers into it and having the time to edit it will absolutely make me feel better about my whole life, i'm certain, but that's such a long way off [weeps])
i miss spn, basically. these nasty little two-week hiatuses kill my spirit so quickly. i, for one, am super-excited about seeing snooki on the show--i think that's gonna be amazing ;U; i'm super-excited about ALL of it, just like i always am; i guess my blues are comin from having fewer and fewer people to celebrate with
maybe i should just sleep a lot or watch some s2 or somethin
i want to write really badly!! i want to channel all these bad feelings i'm having into some good art but i'm so exhausted from k&k that the idea of starting a new story, even a short one, is super daunting. i have a story i want to write about sam and lucifer that's been kicking around my brain since december and another one about baby winchesters + john that's been kicking around for even longer (never, ever thought i'd actually WANT to write about john winchester.........) and countless welcome to night vale tweets waiting to be adapted into stories but i dunno. so often i feel like i have nothing left of worth to say
(also, having a fic floating out there in the ether being beta'd and looked at by artist friends is incredibly stressful! who knew?? getting my fingers into it and having the time to edit it will absolutely make me feel better about my whole life, i'm certain, but that's such a long way off [weeps])
i miss spn, basically. these nasty little two-week hiatuses kill my spirit so quickly. i, for one, am super-excited about seeing snooki on the show--i think that's gonna be amazing ;U; i'm super-excited about ALL of it, just like i always am; i guess my blues are comin from having fewer and fewer people to celebrate with
maybe i should just sleep a lot or watch some s2 or somethin