(no subject)
my LJ is so informal. I have no hw so i was looking back on all my old entries, and some random ppls' entries. I dont even give a 2nd thought to what i put on here, i just type whenever i have time. But there's really so much more in my head, below the surface. But i guess thats what my private journal is for, so i can be totally uncensored. But even then, im always more concerned with whats actually going on in my life. Recent happenings, friends, school, whatevs. But what about things bigger than that. What am i going to do with my life in college? Do I really want to major in neuroscience, what about music? I'm still not clear on where i stand religion-wise. Or how i stand with anything political. or about other ppl. Theres so much i dont know. and it makes the daily rantings of a teen seem so insignificant.
I guess the informality of my LJ could be a good thing, no1 wants to read depressing stuff. But is my LJ for me or for every1 who reads it? Sometimes i write just so i dont have to tell every1 about it later, or to talk about things i dont get a chance to talk about with ppl during school. But its also to organize my own thoughts if needed...kinda. I write bc i want other ppl to see it, why else would this be public? I hate to admit it, but its true.
it also gives me a chance to find my own voice...if you gave me a sheet of paper with all the LJs i regularly read i could probably name who wrote what. I don't really write besides this. This is actually helping my AP Lit grade go up so take that Mr. Colon haha.
But aside all of that, somethings def. been on my mind all day. I was talking to a friend whos going into music performance/education and they said "Well the way i see it, the only way to find happiness is to be doing something you love, something that you can see yourself doing the rest of your life" which is why they're going into music. I wish it were that easy for me. I keep fighting myself with my feelings on this. I love love love music and would love to study it in college full time. But then what can i do once i graduate? Musicians dont have steady jobs or pay, just bc i major in it doesnt mean ill be able to cut it in the real world. And i honestly feel that im wasting my intelligence if i study music. i KNOW that is totally wrong, music is pretty intense stuff, and who is to say that musicians are less intelligent than pre-med or engineer majors? But bc of all this time and effort ive put into school i feel like i should be doing something different. Maybe ill love neuroscience, maybe ill even go into english (probably not but its possible).
It would be really nice to live quite comfortably when im older. If i major i neuroscience, that would most likely lead to med school. yea being a doctor is very respectable, but another thing i also think about it the time ill have with my family. Im really big on family, i really do want at least 3 kids, preferably 5. But how the hell can i be a mom if im working all the time? Theres so much to think about. and if i major in music, i feel like i would be looked down upon by my family. Aldaba is actually a very prestigious name in the Philippines. And the ones in America are all super crazay accomplished. BLAH. i want to do what i love but i would be so unhappy if i couldnt be close with my own family or if my relatives looked down upon me.
Hmmm...really long entry. But at least this one was quite meaningful. I dont know what to think anymore, I just want to be happy.
.::STeeN::.
I guess the informality of my LJ could be a good thing, no1 wants to read depressing stuff. But is my LJ for me or for every1 who reads it? Sometimes i write just so i dont have to tell every1 about it later, or to talk about things i dont get a chance to talk about with ppl during school. But its also to organize my own thoughts if needed...kinda. I write bc i want other ppl to see it, why else would this be public? I hate to admit it, but its true.
it also gives me a chance to find my own voice...if you gave me a sheet of paper with all the LJs i regularly read i could probably name who wrote what. I don't really write besides this. This is actually helping my AP Lit grade go up so take that Mr. Colon haha.
But aside all of that, somethings def. been on my mind all day. I was talking to a friend whos going into music performance/education and they said "Well the way i see it, the only way to find happiness is to be doing something you love, something that you can see yourself doing the rest of your life" which is why they're going into music. I wish it were that easy for me. I keep fighting myself with my feelings on this. I love love love music and would love to study it in college full time. But then what can i do once i graduate? Musicians dont have steady jobs or pay, just bc i major in it doesnt mean ill be able to cut it in the real world. And i honestly feel that im wasting my intelligence if i study music. i KNOW that is totally wrong, music is pretty intense stuff, and who is to say that musicians are less intelligent than pre-med or engineer majors? But bc of all this time and effort ive put into school i feel like i should be doing something different. Maybe ill love neuroscience, maybe ill even go into english (probably not but its possible).
It would be really nice to live quite comfortably when im older. If i major i neuroscience, that would most likely lead to med school. yea being a doctor is very respectable, but another thing i also think about it the time ill have with my family. Im really big on family, i really do want at least 3 kids, preferably 5. But how the hell can i be a mom if im working all the time? Theres so much to think about. and if i major in music, i feel like i would be looked down upon by my family. Aldaba is actually a very prestigious name in the Philippines. And the ones in America are all super crazay accomplished. BLAH. i want to do what i love but i would be so unhappy if i couldnt be close with my own family or if my relatives looked down upon me.
Hmmm...really long entry. But at least this one was quite meaningful. I dont know what to think anymore, I just want to be happy.
.::STeeN::.